intparent, I know a woman with a husband who is prone to such “migraines”… but if she even considered what you suggested, it would start a WW3 in their house!
I am really lucky! Mr. always tries to share his exciting moments from his work life with me. It really helps that we both have science and business degrees, so we speak the same “languages.” When he travels on business and eats somewhere nice, he always tries to find those places whenever we travel together to that area.
She hasn’t said she thinks he is faking it yet.
I’m not sure that one spouse “can tell” if another spouse if faking being sick or having a headache or migraine unless there are real visible signs.
I have known people to “abuse the illness hall pass” in order to get out of doing things that the other spouse wants to do.
Heck, my own H once claimed to “being too tired” in regards to something, but then magically “felt fine” when a friend called to go golfing. oops. He forgot what he had told me earlier. busted.
I know that part of H’s issue is his ADHD. Often those with ADHD can’t find the energy to do something that doesn’t fascinate them but they are suddenly a bundle of “get up and go” when something they like presents itself.
Who knows if @sosconcern 's H was exaggerating or not…maybe he was. It could be that he was fine going to that nice SF restaurant when his company was paying, but not going with his spouse when it would be on their dime.
“She hasn’t said she thinks he is faking it yet.”
Just saying that your solution might not work for every situation, real migraines or not.
H probably had some kind of a headache (he has a headache every day so he tells me). However I should have insisted that we go to the restaurant, and if he didn’t feel like eating, he didn’t have to eat. The restaurant was not going to have glaring lights. And if he felt that bad once we were there, he could go rest in the car. He was being very inconsiderate, but in a way I was not going to have him complain that he was not able to ‘nurse’ his headache down and then would have a miserable time on the flights home the next morning. I got mad and just threw in the towel, conceded. Hindsight is 20-20.
H has not had a full blown out migraine for many years. For a while he was way overtaking OTC meds, and was having ‘rebound’ headaches. He tapered down, but IMHO he takes more OTC than he should be. I think he has the placebo effect sometimes kicking in.
Mom2ck knows my H personally and I know her H’s. We are very good friends (way before CC).
We all work with situations the best we can in real time. I use what I have learned during our 40 years as a couple.
The lessons I have learned, I will share with DD1 and DD2 when they do get married at some point in their lives. I believe they will enjoy their lives a bit as yuppies for a while (if you still call them that) once they finish UG degree. They observe and understand H and my personalities pretty well. DDs also understand and appreciate that they have it pretty good having the dad and mom that they have.
As I said, in some ways H is pretty simple - I do a few everyday things that really hit his happiness chords, and the rest is more easy for him to overlook. And I really am doing the best I can, which is pretty awesome in many circles. If we could afford a housekeeper or cleaning service, my worse deficiencies as a homemaker/personal and family finance/SAHM would be solved. Making baby steps in that area.
He’s leaving for the airport in 2 hours for an international flight and is currently doing laundry. Still looking for things he needs to pack. ** sigh **
@eyemamom , re #144, “He thinks everything will magically work out with no effort and planning.”
They do - you are the magic.
H is extremely passive aggressive, has huge anger issues, and chews with his mouth open (no table manners in his family, at all). Other than that, he is great in lots of ways. These things really drive me nuts and wear on a relationship though.
Regarding names. I have trouble with the correct pronunciation of H’s Indian name. Years ago some would ask me how to say it and I would reply that I call him “Sweetheart”. I’m sure it bothered him that I couldn’t get the sound that doesn’t exist in English when others could.
Cupboard doors. Our kitchen renovation included the self/soft closing doors- but they do not close from wide open!
Are most men taught to be self centered? There are occasions when I tell H about blank- eg something he could have done for me while he was doing something- and he’ll say it didn’t enter his brain.
But, he is a sweetheart. Every so often he says those magic words that show he appreciates things I do for him.
So today I told D that I wanted to buy tickets for Sue from Glee who will be here for one night in June.
He scoffed, as she is not really a singer, as he respects (and is in a local singing group getting ready for their Holiday performance). But then he realizes that a famous composer will be in town this Friday! And how he wants us to go!
I am not musical and feel “trapped!!!” the 3 concerts he has a year. Yet you might think he could openly offer to go to my comedian but does not! yet I should want to go to his interest this Friday?
So after 33 years I told him sincerely to go this Friday by himself and that I was buying tickets for the Glee perfomance and if does not want to go I will ask a friend.
He spent an hour or more buying my tickets as there was a computer glitch. (nice guy)
He also pointed out that I only went to 2 of his 3 performances last year. (not crying for him–after many many years attending his concerts. H does not know it but I am only going to one this year)
Gads, I feel as if I am back at Catholic School and just want out when I am at a classic music performance. If I do go I will take my ipod and read a book in the back row.
This actually started when we were first married and I thought I liked the music and he is a singer and plays the piano and yet! he would fall asleep at concerts (all of them) and we were paying
for a sitter even! and I would sit there thinking --What??? And no dinner out after–just his interest.
So I stopped going but I do NOT think he accepts that fact that I was trying and he ruined it for me by sleeping rather that sharing. “But I find it so relaxing” ? ----But I would rather read a book sweetie and not pay for a sitter.
This should be on the rant thread…
My DH is overall very thoughtful. Not only does he wipe off the toilet rim after he uses it EVERY time, he also does his own laundry. His mom was a single mother when he was 8-12 years old, so she worked long hours to make ends meet. She required the boys to do their own laundry, so he had been doing it for 20 years by the time we got married. The first time I did the laundry, he complained that I didn’t fold his underwear properly. That was the last time I did his laundry. In doing his own laundry, he’s happy that everything is folded neatly to his liking, and I’m happy he’s happy. 
I don’t watch television. My tv is basically a dust collector in the basement rec room. I don’t have cable and can’t get reception in the basement. I do have a Netflix subscription and will watch a series from time to time on my iPad. My SO, who is now retired, watches tv all the time. It is background noise for him the way music is for me. On a regular basis, he feels the need to tell me about all the shows he watches, the plot twists, the characters, Dr… Phil’s wisdom, etc… You name it, I get to hear about it. During these times, I usually insert the appropriate “oh”, “uh huh” or “I see” and either wander about in my head thinking about other things or play scrabble on my iPad! 
I sing in a chorus and after the first 17 concerts my husband said, “that’s it, I’m done,” and has never attended another concert. Okay with me because the only people I want in the audience are people who are happy to be there.
My husband is a big worrier…always related to our business , unfortunately. He tends to stay up late at night , crunching numbers on his laptop. He either does this in the living room or on the sofa outside our bedroom So I end up sleeping alone a fair amount of the time ( not counting the old cat ) So when the wee hours of the morning arrive, husband rolls into bed. It is a habit of his that drives me nuts, especially since when I sleep, the bed remains rather neat so that makes it a lot easier to make it back up when I start my day.
If he comes into bed for as little as half an hour, tears up the bed. For some reason , this really grinds my gears !
OK, so now I find out that H has decided to cut back on OTC meds for his headaches. He told me this during a restaurant meal together yesterday. Prior to that, in the morning, he used a Pampered Chef serrated knife to cut through the plastic outer packaging of the Braunsweiger - I showed him you just slip the plastic sleeve down, then you can cut through the other paper wrap. He did not want to be corrected, and began yelling at me. I told him I have two expensive serrated knives, the Papered Chef one and the Cutco one, and I do not want them used improperly - I want them to stay sharp and never have to replace them. In hindsight, he probably was trying to cope with his headache. Honestly, he is one guy that does not want to be corrected, especially by me. I do think he has low self esteem in some areas. I reminded him on our drive to see DD on Sunday that he couldn’t say a positive thing to me when I asked him to turn at the correct place - he didn’t know the exact way but didn’t want me to direct him either, and continued to tell me we were going the wrong way when we were not.
I do think he sees some of it when I point out to him immediately the negative comments or the yelling. Do not get an apology, but I do seem to have less negative comments and yelling directed at me.
People do get cranky as they age especially if there are health issues or problems. Cut your spouse some slack, I mean don’t take it too personally or you can make yourself sick.
@SOSConcern if my H gets lost while we are driving, rather than say anything myself I just plug the destination into the GPS and let her tell him where to go in that condescending British accent. Makes for a much nicer evening!
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I just plug the destination into the GPS and let her tell him where to go
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Sometimes, I’d love to be able to program the GPS to let her tell him where to go. 
@SOSConcern – re post 194: do you mean to say that I shouldn’t be using my serrated knives to hack away at those infuriating hard plastic clam shell packages? Good to know! The sausage package seems like a minor offense when I think of the abuse my knives have taken!
I’m an ice cruncher, too, sadly. Sigh. I probably do a lot of things that people are complaining about in this thread.
I hate it when my wife goes on websites and complains about things I do