but then mom --this is a new thread :))
I actually am thinking of a new thread that is “if you have been married forever what has improved?”.
^^Well, would there actually be anything on that thread?
:)) :-& =)) :-B
MAYBE??
Re #139…item 11. Hubby doesn’t understand my desire to plan a vacation. I enjoy finding the things to do, restaurants, etc. One time we were going to NYC and I booked the hotel, bought the tickets to the show and made dinner reservations. He thought we’d just go and figure it out on the fly.
I insist on tee times, spa reservations, dinner reservations and tours lined up before we go but I’m always willing to change them. He thinks everything will magically work out with no effort and planning.
Goes out of town for work for 2-4 days at a time once or twice a month and during this time never once texts or calls me.
Is this normal?
“Well, would there actually be anything on that thread?”
raising hand
We don’t fight anymore. Occasionally we bicker but only over silly things - like leaving lights on. 
I’m also the planner when it comes to vacations. DH would rather just play things by ear. When I’ve capitulated to his method (he accuses me of being a control freak), we waste time researching options, find that the things we want to do are sold out, and end up doing something we’re not really interested in just to have something to do.
DH doesn’t like that I love to surprise our girls with things. He thinks they should have the pleasure of looking forward to them. But sometimes I’ve insisted on the surprise.
When the girls were in elementary school, they thought we were staying home for spring break. I got them up really early one morning “to clean out their closets.” I’m mean. They were very morose until I gave them gift bags with tickets inside to a Disney Cruise. Their suitcases were all packed and loaded up in the car. They were so happy and excited; that’s a memory I’ll always cherish and both girls say it was the best surprise ever. So phooey on DH.
Another surprise was the day that D2 came home from school and there was a crate sitting on the floor in the kitchen with the new golden doodle puppy she’d wanted so badly that I told her we would never get. That little puppy watched her walk around the kitchen, clueless, for several minutes before he finally gave out a little puppy noise. She went crazy. I wish I’d filmed it.
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Goes out of town for work for 2-4 days at a time once or twice a month and during this time never once texts or calls me.
Is this normal?
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I’ve heard of some spouses doing this. Does your H say why he doesn’t contact you with at least a, “got here safely” message? When he travels, does he have to be “up early” and “working late”?
He doesn’t have to be up early or work late. He says he just doesn’t think of it. 
It’s normal for us. He was in the military and for years and years there was no way to contact me if he’d wanted to just to let me know he’d arrived, much less anything else. It’s habit now. We also don’t call each other during the day; he was never at his phone anyway and couldn’t take cell phones into the buildings.
@Madison85, et al.: I must say, if I culled together some of the comments here, I could create a living replica of my husband. Eerie and disturbing, and yet, I must say I now feel so much less like I am having an anomalous, singular experience. I am not in the 99th percentile.
DH complained, many times, that I wouldn’t throw things away or give them away, past their usability. Dang, that pointed back to the day I discovered some of my good work and dress-up clothes in the trunk of the car, headed for some thrift shop. HE didn’t want them. (Why should he? They weren’t things HE wore.) So after that, he was annoyed I’d routinely check the donation bags.
Boy, your spouses benefit so much for your vacation planning, too. Better meals, less time wasted, activity options identified and researched. Obnoxious to complain.
You can really ruin a vacation without at least a little pre-planning - especially with children in tow. Personally, I love to do all the reading and planning and we usually leave home with a good idea of some of the highlights of that destination. What I will leave up to family negotiation is whether we want to do a particular activity and when we do it. I found traveling with teenagers particularly difficult with the exception of our annual August beach trip which everyone is happy to embark on.
But make no mistake about it, if I did not do the research on a new destination no one else would. We would be standing around saying “what do you want to do?” or “where do we go to eat?” I find that scenario really irritating and you usually end up in some overpriced touristy place with long lines and screaming children.
I am great at finding terrific out of the way restaurants no matter where we go!
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Boy, your spouses benefit so much for your vacation planning, too. Better meals, less time wasted, activity options identified and researched. Obnoxious to complain.
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You tell 'em @intparent! All they have to do is show up!!!
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When the girls were in elementary school, they thought we were staying home for spring break. I got them up really early one morning “to clean out their closets.” I’m mean. They were very morose until I gave them gift bags with tickets inside to a Disney Cruise. Their suitcases were all packed and loaded up in the car. They were so happy and excited; that’s a memory I’ll always cherish and both girls say it was the best surprise ever. So phooey on DH.
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I love that! ( yes, phooey on humbug DH! lol )
I STILL remember when I was nearly 4 years old my parents surprise waking us up in the middle of the night (actually just carrying us) and carrying us to the car to leave on a vacation that we knew nothing about.
Regarding being out of town for a few days and not calling or texting. I’m that person. Once a year I go away for four days with three of my best girlfriends. One of them is constantly calling her daughter and husband, or her husband is calling her. It took me awhile to figure out why it drove me crazy. It’s because I don’t feel the need to be calling my husband, nor does he feel the need to call me.
We do text, but only if its pertinent. Never to give a blow by blow account of what we are doing.
I chalk it up to the way I was raised. It was a culture that did not demonstrate neediness.
Early in out marriage I went to NYC for the day with a friend. This was before cell phones. As soon as we arrived, she found a pay phone to call her husband. I believe she called at least once more while we were in the city. That was my first experience with how different I was. Even today I wouldn’t feel the need, nor would my husband feel the need, to make phone calls while away for the day.
I hope this might give you some insight to why your spouse doesn’t call while away, @Madison85.
My H is gone 3 days a week every week for his job. He sometimes texts if he has a question and rarely calls. It is just normal for us to go those three days with minimal conversation.