My husband and I have what can be described as “perfect chemistry.”We have not killed each other during this friggin’ flight to Mars, and when he begins to talk about “C-nucleosides,” he can count on me to be able to perfectly understand what the bleep he is taking about! ? Yes, we are best friends. Neither of our “parental sets” were “best friends,” though. We are friends with a few couples, and not all of them are likely “best friends” within their unit.
@doschicos - hugs. When our kids go through a painful breakup, it really hurts.
No, not best friends. I wanted that when I was younger, but H does not meet my emotional needs and so I gave up. He is a wonderful man, we have been married for years and will continue to be married, but my expectations for him are more modest. At a certain point I started either finding what I needed within myself or getting it from an assortment of other friends.
I might be his. Over time his friend group has shrunk and his parents have died. He tells me his secrets and relies on me for support.
I can’t think of anything H and I don’t share from TMI health stuff to everyday details on, “How did your day go?” He and I talk about things neither of us would even consider sharing with others outside of our immediate family (where our line is in judging people comes to mind). We hammer out our thoughts about recent events or new ideas.
I can’t think of a time when we ever ran out of things to talk about and we spend most of our lives together considering he’s been working from home since 1999. He has field work and meetings he goes out for, but the bulk of his time is home. When I went to work at school when our youngest was 3, he took over childcare while working from home.
As for my other relatives being best friends, well, most got divorced and a couple never married so I doubt it. I have one aunt and uncle who are probably best friends and one set of grandparents who I know were.
[quote=“Creekland;c-22939150” He and I talk about things neither of us would even consider sharing with others outside of our immediate family (where our line is in judging people comes to mind). We hammer out our thoughts about recent events or new ideas.
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One thing I love about my husband is he’s not a gossip. I’ve found it hard in life to find people who don’t engage in it. When I tell things to my “best friend” I’m entrusting them not to share/gossip about it. Maybe I’ve had bad luck but I think that is a rarity.
H and I, and our kids as well as their spouses, are all introverts or at least lean that way. I think each sees their spouse as best friend. We also moved a lot and that seems to make a difference in establishing a broader network of lifelong friends. I know of some people who stay in touch and visit every few years, but that’s never worked out for me.
There’s one surviving former friend I miss, but she decided that our different choices about careers and family life meant an end to our friendship. In contrast, the only female friend I now have was able to enjoy an amazing career because her husband became a SAHD over 35 years ago. We have a lot of respect for each other and our spouses, too.
@doschicos To answer your question about others we know. I think few are best friends. Sadly, many married for various reasons and many seem to have unhealthy relationships in terms of how they treat each other. Surprised sometimes though when someone we thought we knew well get divorced or someone we know well says they are having a hard time and you just spent time with them and didn’t notice. So one can never tell.
My spouse’s parents were best friends and mine were not ( at all).
I don’t believe that being best friends is a requirement for a good marriage. As others have noted above, there are varying definitions of “best friend” and, for many, marriage implies something deeper or different. All of our friends’ marriages work for them. Theirs may not look like ours, but are strong nonetheless. I just find it interesting that, in our admittedly small circle, it is the couples in long, first marriages where the best-friend adjective has come up. We have family/friends in (happy) second and third marriages that describe looking for or ending up with something different. As long as the partnership works, it doesn’t matter how you describe it.
My husband is absolutely my best friend and always has been. It’s how I knew I wanted a lifetime with him. There is no one I’d rather be with. Most successful couples I now have this dynamic. It’s a true bond. I feel almost like we are one person. I believe it’s true in two of my three sons’ marriages. Very solid, very easy, very bonded, very together, etc.
I have a female best friend, but DH is definitely my very best friend. A good thing, since we’ve been together pretty much 24/7 for most of the past 21 years, when we started our business. He’s a wonderful guy and I’m very fortunate to be married to him. And of course we have our squabbles but we work them out pretty quickly.
Add me to the list that considers H my bestie. We’ve been together since I was 18, so we definitely grew up together and I think that plays into the dynamic.
I also have a handful of very close friends, one of whom is definitely second in line to the (best friend) throne, so to speak, LOL. Some of my friends have the same type of relationship with their spouses as I do, and some don’t. It’s all good!
My husband and I are each other’s best friends, and have been throughout our marriage.
I’ve always had a very short list of friends-- lots of people I am friendly with, but very few I would consider actual friends. Over the years, our various moves (home location, jobs, churches) and the illnesses and deaths of both friends and family members have further reduced the number of people we associate with. The pandemic has made it hard to make new friendships.
Answering the do I think my friends have best friend relationships with their spouses? I think very few may, but the majority do not. I do feel that the majority have strong marriages though.
Best friend = someone I feel comfortable talking to about anything, someone who I enjoy being with more than anyone else, someone who makes me laugh and with whom I share a lot of common interests (but not all - I like that we enjoy some different things as well), someone who recognizes when I am down and has the ability to lift me up, someone who will forgive me for wrongdoings.
If asked to list my best friends, I would list my close girlfriends that I grew up with and have known almost my entire life. I feel like the friendships I have made with them have seen me through everything, including my marriage. He has similar friendships and I think would say the same thing. Pose the question differently like who is my ride or die? Definitely Mr Meddy!
To me, best friend = the first person I want to tell anything. The person who will share in my joy and pain. The person I most want to spend time with.
^ that, and more. But also, in a close relationship where your identities are meshed, you want to touch them, be touched, put your head on his shoulder
or let your bodies sandwich. Not with a “friend.” A hug maybe, a supportive hand on a shoulder. But not the same.
We’re talking about this so idealistically, like teen girls, about doing everything together, sharing everything. I think that’s only the surface.