musicprnt - if you clicked on those links I provided, they all said what you posted - each state is different, there is no one blanket law for under 21 alcohol consumption.
I am a lot more vigilant and strict with other people’s kids. Where I would serve wine or beer to my kids under 21, I would have to know other kids’ parents before I would offer it because there were just too many crazy parents out there. I never hosted any big parties at home, only at restaurants and hotels (shifted liabilities to those establishments). I have to give a lot of credit to those parents in hosting those boys. If my kid was going, I would make sure to tell him to behave, so he wouldn’t cause any problem to the hosts.
Twoinanddone-- Re post 52—FL requires a learners permit for a year prior getting a regular driver’s license. You can apply for learner’s permit between 15 and 17. 16 and 17 years old with regular license have curfews for night driving unless with over 21. Texting is against the law.
Earl Van–the concern isn’t with a 17 year old driving but with a 17 year old with teen passengers driving. Studies show that the more passengers (especially teens) the less safe it is because of distractions.
As a dad I am a bit less strict than my wife, but I am big on having my kids learn the importance of taking personal responsibility. How I would handle the situation is this: I would explain my reservations for giving permission to my son, but I would leave the choice to go or not up to him WITH THE PRIVSO he understands the following: If anything bad (like getting drunk or arrested) should happen to him OR ANY ONE OF HIS FRIENDS, he would be grounded for the next TWO YEARS. Let him know that for me to treat him as an adult, he must act as an adult.
I know many parents do not agree with my philosophy, but I recognize there will come a time where I cannot be my children’s protector. So I need to do my best to teach my kids to look out for themselves. The OP’s situation seems to one such opportunity for the son to learn to have fun responsibly.
@oldfort:
I wasn’t criticizing you, and I am a parent who doesn’t have a problem with a kid, once they are a certain age, being able to for example, have a glass of wine with dinner, and to be honest I resent the fact that in NJ, if my son (who is now 20) wanted to have a glass of wine with dinner in a restaurant, I am not allowed to order it for him (something like 10 states allow that I believe, sadly NJ isn’t one of them). My wife grew up in Europe, and like myself, we were introduced to wine at a relatively early age, usually in the form of wine mixed with water or a spritzer (seltzer).
As far as kids being allowed to drink, even if I knew the parents were okay with it, I would be loathe to do it (if the parents were present and allowed it, I would be fine with that), just because even if the parents said it was okay, if some idiot reported that to the cops, I would be in deep doo doo, the law would not allow as an excuse that the parents were okay with it (which likewise is idiotic, that is Carrie Nation mentality, that parents somehow don’t have that right). When it comes to other kids, my advice to others is assume that you can get in trouble for letting them drink, with your own you generally have that right in your own home.
I probably would let me son go in those circumstances as the OP said, because I trusted him enough not to do anything stupid, and if it involved drinking I wouldn’t be afraid, since I knew it was no big deal to him, plus unless the parents were total screw ups, I would assume they would keep an eye on things.
@jrm815:
I like that approach, maybe because I am a father, that he knows the consequences if he screws up and can make his decision based on that. More importantly, if he is in a position where he may not be all that thrilled to go, but is afraid the other kids would call him a wimp for not going, I’ll always be glad to be the mean old parent not letting him go, to cover for him, he can always say “my dad wouldn’t let me go”, and he would have cover if he didn’t really want to go:)
Two years??? Man.