<p>No one here said anything of the sort, poetgrl. The fact that you keep wrongly accusing posters of saying she “asked for it” in any way doesn’t make it a true accusation. There were a series of decisions made well before she passed out that put her at risk, just as there were a slew of decisions made by parents, coaches, members of the community, and the football players that contributed to this terrible result. Contributed to, not caused. The boys are guilty of a despicable crime and deserve severe punishment. But there’s far more to this unfortunate incident than that and it needs to be discussed.</p>
<p>These boys aren’t sorry they did it; they’re sorry they got caught and charged. Also what needs to be addressed are cover ups and protection of athletes (and celebrities).</p>
<p>rockvillemom, Do you still think that way? Believe me, I know how hard it is to move beyond what I was told during my formative years was right and true. In some regards I am still sorting that out.</p>
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<p>I’m not “accusing” “posters.”</p>
<p>I’m accusing you. Only you. Of saying the following:</p>
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<p>What if we looked at a minor consuming alcohol for what it is? A crime. But let’s not do that!</p>
<p>I’m not sure. Quite honestly, the standards of what constitutes rape seem to be different from what I grew up with. If an intoxicated girl goes willingly to the room of a fraternity brother, is a willing participant in kissing and fooling around, but maybe is pretty drunk, and has sex, is that rape? If she didn’t necessarily say no, but was perhaps too drunk to say yes, is that rape? I truly have no idea.</p>
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<p>I’m sorry you feel that way. Again I ask you, if you had a daughter and she came to you after being raped by a fraternity brother (that she barely knew) how would you react to her? Is it her fault for going there? Was the guy entitiled because she was drunk and was there? Would you chastise her and tell her she was foolish for making a poor decision? Or would you wrap her in your arms, console her and take her to the police to prosecute the perpetrator?</p>
<p>I am speechless that anyone could think that anyone going to any sort of party would expect rape to occur. Yes, I am sure that some parties/crowds are wilder than others, but being forcibly raped is different than expecting to drink or have consensual sex or to be around others doing so. NOONE wants to be raped! The boys are criminal. In hindsight, the girl could have made better choices, but she is the victim. As a culture, we cannot accept blaming the victim. These sexual predators are to blame regardless of what she was wearing or many have chosen to drink.</p>
<p>I hope that none of us parents here ever has to have that conversation with their teen or college age daughter. Please understand that if you do ever talk with a woman post rape, you would be adding to her trauma by telling her that she was at fault due to what she wore, where she was, or any other personal choice she may have made. I have worked with numerous women who have found this portion of their rape trauma the hardest to get over. It is never a woman’s fault when she is raped. Period.</p>
<p>What I am saying is, this did happen to me. And I always thought it was my fault.</p>
<p>Yes, Rockville, that falls into the category of rape:</p>
<p>Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent.[1][2][3][4] The term is most often defined in criminal law.[2][4]</p>
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<p>No, it was absolutely not your fault. This is your body and being in a certain place did not give anybody the right to your body. Honey, I’m so sorry. It was not your fault.</p>
<p>What if we looked at a minor consuming alcohol for what it is? A crime. But let’s not do that!</p>
<p>Why are you trying to cloud the issue?
Rape is always illegal, no matter your age or status or relationship.</p>
<p>Substances are illegal by age/ state.</p>
<p>No, no, no. Not your fault. I am sorry you have been carrying this around.</p>
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<p>Except when it turns out it wasn’t rape at all?
[Duke</a> lacrosse case - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke_lacrosse_case]Duke”>Duke lacrosse case - Wikipedia)</p>
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<p>Somebody else brought murder into the equation. Last I checked, there was no murder in this case. But there was illegal consumption…</p>
<p>It was my 19th birthday. And I was a virgin. I always blamed myself for making a series of stupid decisions - drinking too much, leaving with a boy I barely knew, disregarding my friends attempts to get me to stay with them. I just always thought it was my fault. Looking back on it in a whole new light.</p>
<p>It was not your fault. You were young and he was a predator. Your story is so many women’s story. And it’s rape. And, I’m so sorry.</p>
<p>NO victim deserves to be a victim. Every day, all of us make choices. Happily many of us have the ability to HELP others.</p>
<p>Sadly, in this case, even in their teary apologies, neither defendant said they were sorry that they hurt the victim, just that they were caught and were being punished. They never ONCE said they were sorry for hurting her and humiliating her and her family so awfully. NO ONE ever said that to my knowledge at any time regarding the proceedings.</p>
<p>Hops_scout, many have said there is a lot of blame to be shared among all those who enabled the alcohol-fueled culture that allowed the party to exist at so many locations with these underage criminals. Raping and carrying an unconscious and incapacited person all over the place in various stages of undress AND sending photos, texts and videos of it – how can that be right no matter how much alcohol was consumed?</p>
<p>Just saying this was underage drinking only is the tip of the iceberg. There is LOTS of underage drinking going around which doesn’t result in criminal behavior on the part of the drinkers.</p>
<p>NOT at ALL your fault, RVM. You were innocent and naive. You did NOT deserve to be criminally forced to have someone rape you. NO ONE deserves rape, regardless of choices that were made or not made.</p>
<p>NOT your fault rvm.</p>
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<p>This does not cloud the issue. Continuing to pretend that it’s perfectly fine for teenagers to get blind drunk at parties is part of the problem. Rape is horrific and wrong no matter what the circumstances but it’s silly to pretend that tolerating the drinking and drugging culture of most high schools isn’t making this sort of event much more likely. By all means, proscecute the rapists to the fullest extent of the law but don’t pretend that proscecution after the fact is going to cause impared teens to exercise self control and good judgement.</p>