<p>Ah. Yes, 31 states. </p>
<p>It’s even more disturbing when one understands that rape is not about sex, it’s about power. What could be more powerful than control over your child’s life?</p>
<p>I have just signed–thanks for alerting me to the petition. I ended up testifying at a hearing about the right of raped women to have access to a contraceptive pill when she arrives at the hospital after the assault. I was not there for that issue, but upon hearing the testimony of the male opponents of the bill, I was enraged. They testified that there had to be clause allowing the church-based hospitals (all in our state are now church based) to refuse to offer it on moral grounds. I testified that people transported to hospitals in our state have no say on where they are taken by ambulance, if they are coherent enough to have a preference and state it. The current state of our hospitals with most ERs running at or near capacity is that they have to be taken wherever the ambulance can get them. The patient should NOT be penalized and limited as to her options because of any moral issues that any church has–the patient has not had volition in any of this.</p>
<p>Fortunately the head of the committee (who is a local ER doc) and one of the testifiers also worked at the Civil Rights Commission were able to keep the bill as written (though they have been working for decades to get this passed). Both agree that to respect the rights of the individuals who may have some moral objection, all hospitals have in place that staff are allowed to switch work assignments to find another employee who can offer patients the full range of care the patient deserves without imposing their moral values on the patients.</p>
<p>I was incensed that these arguments continue. Sorry, not meaning to inject politics, just found it extremely upsetting that our state can’t move forward to protect victims better.</p>
<p>Thanks for all you are doing, HImom. And you’re not injecting politics, just morality and rational thought.</p>
<p>I was glad that at least none of the women present testified to support that exclusion. They were all older men who could not identify with rape victims and felt the church’s rights were paramount. One of the senators then went on a rant about how NOW people had injected religion into the measure, where it was really those who wanted the clause to essentially eliminate the protection and right to receive standard medical care. Fortunately, after the rant the committee noted the sole dissenter and passed the measure WITHOUT the clause. </p>
<p>People say astonishing things in the name of religion! Sadly the dissenting senator represents my district. :(. We do know one another and sometimes are aligned in viewpoints. At least he is predictable and accessible.</p>
<p>The fact that in the past society wrongly blamed women, their behavior, and clothing in an attempt to excuse men’s sexually aggressive/criminal behavior does not mean we should throw the baby out with the bathwater and disdain traditional sensible advice. Some things our mothers told us still make good sense, such as not to go out alone late at night and to keep your wits about you at a party. </p>
<p>If a man decides he will rape the first woman he sees, and you happen to cross his path at the very next moment, then obviously there’s not a lot of room there for prevention. Your appearance and behavior are non-factors. In the final moments of the Steubenville crime, it was also already too late for prevention. But not all crimes are that quick or that linear in progression. Imagine a large flowchart made up of a web of microdecisions by many people, that eventually pare down to one major terrible decision. The goal, when it’s possible to do so, is to teach both men and women to go down a different pathway earlier on before the power to choose has been severely compromised. A girl can’t control a lot of what might be on a rape chart–eg. in this case the decisions that led adults to fail to parent their sons; the ones that led to a boy being placed in foster care and possibly resulted in psychological damage to him; the decision made by adults to provide alcohol to minors; the choice by community members to glorify sports and allow football players to regularly get away with boorish behavior; the feelings of fear or intimidation of witnesses leading them to keep quiet; and so on as we’ve already discussed. But at several points she could have gone a different path (could have stayed home, could have not lied to parents, could have gone somewhere with trusted girlfriends, could have not drunk or drunk much less, could have listened to her friends’ warning, could have better guarded her drink, etc.) and thus would have likely removed her self from the path of danger. </p>
<p>When all these microdecisions are being made, and a boy is tempted to rape and is choosing a victim, a drunk girl will make an easier target, won’t she? She is less likely to resist or even know what’s happening. Perhaps a girl dressed provocatively will catch his eye first, and he may convince himself she secretly “wants” it, or at least he could claim afterward she did and it was consensual. If you’re not drunk and your boobs aren’t popping out of your wonder bra and out of your lowcut, tight shirt, perhaps the flow of action is more likely to move away from you. I can’t say that for certain, but it seems logical. Also, the kind of rape that happens at a teen party is sometimes a drunk guy with lowered inhibitions who wants sex and forces himself on a girl who looks desirabe. To suggest it’s not really about sex, given the strong hormonal influences at that age, seem silly. At these teen parties it’s late at night, too much alcohol has been consumed, so a boy and girl collapse on a couch and it goes from there. Not violent exactly, but the girl didn’t consent either. We’ve all heard about this kind of party; at least one girl wakes up the next day and notices she has no underwear on and has no memory of what happened. Maybe I’m wrong, but to me that’s not quite the same thing as when a serial rapist targets a random woman, and for whom it’s about power and domination. The Steubenville crime seemed to have elements of both types of crime.</p>
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<p>This I agree with, if for no other reason than to spare our daughters the scrutiny/doubt/shaming if something happens to them AFTER (not “because”) they have exhibited poor judgment.</p>
<p>GFG—maybe the microdecision she makes is to be friendly to the guy who starts up a conversation with her at a friend’s birthday party, maybe she has no revealing clothing, but she smiles a lot, shows an interest in his college major, asks about his hometown. maybe while she is thinking “nice guy I’d like to date” he’s thinking I’m gonna get her drunk and…</p>
<p>the point is, you are focusing on all the old behaviors that women have been victim blamed for, provocative dress etc. the truth is we don’t know what microdecisions on her part may be misinterpreted or abused by a predator. something to consider.</p>
<p>one other note, you state, “when a boy is tempted to rape” I don’t want to assume incorrectly but the implication seems to be that her provocative appearance is what is “tempting him to rape” </p>
<p>is that what you meant?</p>
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<p>Not at all. I’m sorry if I didn’t articulate my point well. Nobody ever asks to be raped.
I was simply make the point that rapists don’t care whether or not you dress modestly. Pony tails do matter, however. Does that mean I think you should cut your hair? No. </p>
<p>[How</a> to Prevent a Potential Rape: 25 steps - wikiHow](<a href=“http://www.wikihow.com/Prevent-a-Potential-Rape]How”>How to Prevent a Potential Rape (with Pictures) - wikiHow)</p>
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<p>Not at all. I’m sorry if I didn’t articulate my point well. Nobody ever asks to be raped.
I was simply make the point that rapists don’t care whether or not you dress modestly. Pony tails do matter, however. Does that mean I think you should cut your hair? No. </p>
<p>[How</a> to Prevent a Potential Rape: 25 steps - wikiHow](<a href=“http://www.wikihow.com/Prevent-a-Potential-Rape]How”>How to Prevent a Potential Rape (with Pictures) - wikiHow)</p>
<p>“Maybe I’m wrong, but to me that’s not quite the same thing as when a serial rapist targets a random woman, and for whom it’s about power and domination.”</p>
<p>Not sure. On college campuses, it appears that many of the criminals masquerading as students are, in fact, serial rapists. I don’t think data has been amassed on this question at the high school level, but I’ll bet at least some of the high school criminals end up at colleges doing the same. </p>
<p>And, again, we don’t know about the high school rapists. At the college level, almost half of the women raped had NOTHING to drink, and the vast majority of the others were likely not drunk. And the sensible advice would be? (hatpins through the eyeballs?)</p>
<p>My hypothesis (not backed up by the data) is that the high school criminal, who rapes once (perhaps in one of the situations described above), gets a real rush from the power it gives him (in contrast with the powerlessness and unpredictability in the rest of his life), and decides that he likes it enough to do it again. And again. And again.</p>
<p><a href=“https://www.amherst.edu/aboutamherst/sexual_respect/committees/oversight_cmte/report_2013_january[/url]”>https://www.amherst.edu/aboutamherst/sexual_respect/committees/oversight_cmte/report_2013_january</a></p>
<p>This is the report of the committee examining the rape problem at Amherst. They say
</p>
<p>It does seem to be the pattern at least at Amherst, first year, first semester females, even a prefrosh. It would seem alcohol is a tool. Perhaps the bonds of caretaking friendships haven’t quite formed yet too.</p>
<p>Not directed to any one individual:</p>
<p>Some of the posts here have seemed very harsh and basically attacking posters who would like to <em>help</em> women not become victims. You may disagree with how best to go about that, or maybe you feel there’s absolutely nothing at all a woman can do to lower her odds of being attacked, but gosh, seems like so much anger that is being directed at others who wish you no harm.</p>
<p>Is that an apology? :D</p>
<p>Sorry, couldn’t resist ;)</p>
<p>Jym, I don’t understand why you’re badgering me, and yes, it feels that way. Please stop.</p>
<p>LOL-- Humor is a good thing.</p>
<p>Jym, please stop. Your going back and changing your posts after someone has replied to them also makes it very deceptive how the conversation actually went.</p>
<p>Lets get back on topic, shall we? The anger should be directed at the rapists, not the other posters.</p>
<p>Not changing anything-- just rewording/attempting to clarify since apparently you misunderstood my post in the past (earlier today) in response to another poster’s comment.
Enough already, ok?</p>
<p>Most of us understand perfectly well how to teach our daughters and others how to avoid dangerous situations. Some of us, in fact, work with victims of rape, and know the stories, up to and including the horrible PTSD results it causes in the life of these young women who have been raped. Many of us know that it is good to send our daughters to self defense classes and to teach them not to take drinks from others, not to leave their friends at parties, not to go alone to a frat boys room, not to invite an unknown into your room, to make sure your friends know who you are with if you go on a date, and to make sure to date in groups at first. Most of us have taught our daughters to carry pepper spray, to carry a rape whistle, as well.</p>
<p>Many of us also feel it is important to discuss the criminal element in this.</p>
<p>There is a misunderstanding that this is a crime being committed accidentally by boys in dorm rooms who don’t understand consent. What we are finding is that this is a crime being repeatedly performed by predatory criminals being protected and harbored by the college policies of not reporting rape.</p>
<p>If you think the only thing worth discussing is the issue of college drinking? You are late to the dance. Most of us started talking to our daughters about that about the same time as we started the sex talks with our daughters.</p>
<p>Some of us feel it is unfortunate to place ALL of the emphasis on that. It is time to talk to the men about rape, and not raping. It is time to hold the universities responsible for providing safe campuses for our daughters.</p>
<p>The horror stories of girls reporting and how they have been treated by these schools is a bigger issue than girls not “knowing” about how to attempt to avoid the rapists. 45% of rapes on college campuses occur in the absence of alcohol and drugs. Period.</p>
<p>So, what should we do about that?</p>
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<p>Poetgrl, who is this comment directed to?</p>
<p>I believe strongly in community-based solutions. I also believe in data. I would hate to give individuals “prevention” advice that would, perhaps, 1) actually make them less safe, or 2) seriously impinge on the quality of their lives without knowing that, in fact, I would be improving it. So I tend to only want to give advice to people that I know, with data, will in fact make them safer. </p>
<p>10.1% of women report they have been raped before they get to college. The rate of rape and sexual assault at the two colleges that I know of that have released their data (Williams and Amherst) is astonishing. Perhaps the best way to protect women would be to advise them not to attend (they couldn’t be raped there if they weren’t there), but where would that end? (Perhaps I should say that about high school, but that’s compulsory…)</p>