<p>Poetgrl, hey, trying to help. People who have a fire in their belly often accomplish great things. I’m not interested in getting mowed while you’re on your way though. Take care.</p>
<p>Deborah, almost every post you’ve made on here has been a criticism of my or someone else’s posts. </p>
<p>I have tried not to address you at all, but you have continued to address me specifically. I can’t help that you’d rather talk about how we talk about rape than talk about rape on college campuses.</p>
<p>you take care, as well.</p>
<p>Poetgrl, you’re angry. I don’t know how to help you with that. It’s not me you’re angry at. Take care.</p>
<p>I’m not angry, Deborah.</p>
<p>Not at all.</p>
<p>I have the facts and I have the statistics and I do not think victims of rape are responsible for being raped.</p>
<p>I am actually assertively saying what I am saying and you are telling me I am angry. This is such an interesting little look into how women are shut up.</p>
<p>Oh, yeah, and “take care.”</p>
<p>Poetgrl, it looks like you’re more interested in attacking people at this point than anything else, which is too bad. You could have a very effective voice.</p>
<p>[Dana</a> Bolger: Amherst College Report on Sexual Violence: ‘Something [Went] Wrong’](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>Amherst College Report on Sexual Violence: 'Something [Went] Wrong' | HuffPost College)</p>
<p>No. I DO have a very effective voice.</p>
<p>You should go back and look at your posts on this thread. In almost every one you are directly addressing a poster about “how” they are posting.</p>
<p>I am not attacking you.</p>
<p>I am simply addressing you addressing me.</p>
<p>Last night, when you addressed me, I did not respond to you. But, since you decided to go at it again today, I am responding. I am responding Deborah to your critique of my posts. You are the one attacking me.</p>
<p>Goodbye, Poetgrl. It appears that civil discussion is not possible on this thread.</p>
<p>I’m unclear how you think you have actually contributed to a civil discussion.</p>
<p>But I am clear that a “civil” discussion about rape victims needing to choose different clothing or ways of dancing is not “civil,” but indoctrinated.</p>
<p>I appreciate what I am learning on this thread. I appreciate the facts provided. I am not surprised that there are strong feelings.</p>
<p>I will not ever blame a victim - even if she is drinking or wearing a short skirt. </p>
<p>The rapists are sexual predators. As a victim of abuse myself (midday, no alcohol, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt), I think it is naive to find comfort in thinking “I (or my D) will be safe if she does x, y, or z.” One more time: rape is not about sex!</p>
<p>How to reduce rape: raise awareness, educate both genders, report crime to the police, and punish the offenders both to deter future crime and to segregate them.</p>
<p>I don’t care one bit that those Stuebenville kids were good students or hoped for college scholarships. They deserve to be punished. They are criminals! </p>
<p>As stated above, why is plagiarism more likely to lead to a consequence than rape?</p>
<p>EMK- I really appreciate your response to electron. And Poetgrl, your eloquence is remarkable. Thank you.
The conditioning we received as girls, especially 30-40 years ago, set us up for abuse. Many of us try to raise our children differently, both boys and girls, but things have not changed all that much.</p>
<p>My experience with rape came when I was out of college, in my mid-20s, and volunteering at a political campaign. One of my best girlfriends volunteered with me while I was working in New York. We would stay after work and help out at the headquarters several days a week, and overall, it was a good experience.
One night, however, we planned to meet at an event, but my girlfriend didn’t show up. She had been dating someone she met at the campaign, who was a couple of years younger than we were, and he was there, hoping she’d arrive, too. He and I hung out together that night helping, as we had become friends through my friend. As it got later, this boy offered to let me stay at his parent’s house in NY instead of taking the train back to New Jersey. As it allowed me to work longer and we were having a good time, I took him up on it.
All went well at first. He was very polite, and I never felt like he was “hitting on me” or anything of the sort. We arrived at his home, which was a lovely upscale NYC apartment, and he showed me to the guest room. He was my friend’s guy, and being with him as anything other than a friend was the farthest thing from my mind. </p>
<p>I have to admit things are a bit fuzzy at this point, but what I remember clearly was total shock, having him on top of me pinning my down. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk and I could barely breathe. He raped me quickly, got up from the bed and said, “Now you and (my friend) have something in common.” That comment, I remember clear as day.</p>
<p>Now, most people reading this probably wonder why I didn’t run out of the house, call the police, or at least get away. First, it as about 1am, I was alone, two subway stops and a train ride away from home, and I was shaking, shocked and terrified. We didn’t have cell phones in the 80s. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. I woke up early, dressed, left the apartment quickly, not quite believing what had happened to me. This was a boy I considered a friend.<br>
I knew I had been raped, and I didn’t believe it was my fault, fortunately. But I also didn’t think of calling the police and filing anything. I knew it would be long, difficult, messy, and frankly, I didn’t have the courage or stomach for it. I wanted to forget.</p>
<p>When I saw my girlfriend, I found out she had told this boy she didn’t want to date him anymore, which is why she didn’t show up at the event. When I told her what had happened to me, she didn’t quite believe me. That was another, unexpected shock. My friend who knew me well, and knew this boy, didn’t believe that I hadn’t somehow encouraged him.
It’s no mystery to me why more women don’t come forward. Often these rapists are “friends.” And you feel that no one will believe you, anyway.</p>
<p>I am encouraged that some women are finally speaking out. It’s a beginning.</p>
<p>FWIW- We had not been drinking, and I was wearing conservative business attire. But then, this act had nothing to do with me, actually.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Jeeezus.
A young girl who obviously has been abused and taught that the only way to get attention is through sex. At THIRTEEN years old? And you think it is funny? The parents got a kick of out it? If a grown woman was so messed up that she didn’t think any better of herself than to use her body for attention and money I would be concerned.
But a CHILD? And you laugh?
That is the sickest thing I have ever read on these boards.
:mad: 
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That is the essence, the very essence, of the truth in one sentence.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you had this happen to you. Truly.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You took the words right out of my mouth.</p>
<p>Emeraldkity, I think The GFG’s entire point about this story was that SHE found it appalling. In every detail. Particularly the response of the parents. (And, yes, to me such behavior on the part of a young girl would raise huge red flags about abuse in her background.)</p>
<p>Thank you, Moonchild, Rockvillemom, and others for sharing your experiences.</p>
<p>Humans differ from lower animals in one very, very large way- they have executive function skills. We have highly developed frontal lobes. We are not limited by primitive forebrains or primal urges. Our higher brain development provides the filter to engage in more sophisticated, higher level reasoning, forethought, judgement, planning, problem-solving, etc. Our brains allow us to engage in oversight and inhibit behaviors which would be unacceptable or inappropriate.</p>
<p>Did you see the car advert where the HS kid goes to the dance alone, walks up to the pretty girl, kisses her without her consent, then is shown driving the fancy car home with a shiner and a smile on his face? The girl is shown as smiling too. No. It is not rape, but I do think this sort of ‘reward for forced behavior’ display is not helpful.</p>
<p>I’m surprised that you can google “rape humor” and find many results. (Yes, I am perhaps naive.) I posted the article about Family Guy two pages back. Here’s another link with some references to rape jokes told by Tosh:</p>
<p>[Anatomy</a> of a Successful Rape Joke | The Nation](<a href=“http://www.thenation.com/blog/168856/anatomy-successful-rape-joke#]Anatomy”>http://www.thenation.com/blog/168856/anatomy-successful-rape-joke#)</p>
<p>If teens/young men watch shows like Family Guy and Tosh - where rape is funny - does that affect them? Does it influence their understanding of what rape is and when it is taking place?</p>
<p>Consolation- what exactly made you think GFG was disturbed and shocked?
I disagree that GFG was moved to assist the girl, did she call the parents & teachers on their behavior?</p>
<p>Ironic. For setting off your PC meter, which apparently is set to “the woman is never even partially responsible for becoming a victim”?</p>
<p>Implying that in her world the female IS responsible for becoming a " victim".</p>
<p>As opposed to the rapist- they were TEMPTED.
:rolleyes:</p>
<p>I couldn’t possibly answer if when a boy is tempted to rape, to what extent he is tempted all alone based on his own desires, his own lack of self control, and his own social conditioning;</p>
<p>ek -
“Implying that in her world the female IS responsible for becoming a " victim”. As opposed to the rapist- they were TEMPTED" </p>
<p>is exactly what is bothering me. Rapists are criminals; victims are victims.</p>
<p>Rockvillemom, I really do think the media is a big part of the problem when it comes to rape culture, and the jokes you reference are a part of the issue.</p>
<p>You are on to something.</p>
<p>I’m reposting mini’s link because it got lost in the shuffle.</p>
<p><a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost;
<p>There is a narrative about acquaintance rape which acts as if any normal guy could get caught in this situation. And so, many have, fearing this could just “happen” to them or their son, said it is a “tricky” issue. </p>
<p>But it turns out that most of these rapists are serial rapists and it is not a matter of a bunch of guys getting in a bad situation, but a few criminals doing repeated damage.</p>
<p>From the article:<br>
</p>
<p>It’s a very good article.</p>