My D20 is graduating college this year (woohoo!). In recent years, the school has provided students with 8 tickets for guests. Based on that info, when asked whether they could attend, I told my H’s parents I thought so. I then extended an invitation to my parents. We all made hotel accommodations and travel plans (we planned to drive all four of them up, as none are capable of making the long drive).
I’m sure you see where this is going…but D20’s school announced a 5 ticket limit for this year. There is a chance my D could secure extra tickets from others who don’t need all 5, but it is not anything to bank on, and not something she would know until much closer to the date.
There are a few reasons why my ILs are the obvious ones to be “voted off the island”, but I’m having a hard time mustering the guts to have the conversation. Do I owe them any explanation as to why my parents will still be included? How do I best present things to minimize hurt feelings?
I’ve had 3 kids graduate from college (well, actually 2, it was 2020). I’ve never heard of anyone not getting the tickets they needed, from others or through the school. Graduations are usually live streamed (at least all of ours have been and the next 3 graduations will be live streamed), so on the very off chance tickets can’t be found, graduation can be watched elsewhere (maybe on campus or elsewhere). I’d bet you will have 8 tickets.
In the event you will not be able to secure extra tickets from someone who is not planning to use them I would explain situation to both sets of grandparents and tell them they are getting one ticket per set of grandparents and so they can choose who will attend in person and who will watch livestream and later join the rest of the family for celebration. I would not be showing favoritism to my own parents as much as I would like to do that.
See what the school’s history is of releasing more tickets. We ran into this situation of not having enough tickets ourselves but then a month before, they released more.
I would personally have your spouse tell their parents that you aren’t getting as many tickets as you expected, that you are hoping to get more, but they should plan on seeing the graduation via livestream.
FWIW, that’s how our family watched our D’s graduation and honestly it was nice to have such a special milestone to ourselves and our D (and not having to worry about the logistics of getting the octogenarians around a huge campus).
Have to say the obvious to me but what might not be to others who haven’t attended a college graduation…are both sets of grandparents physically able to handle the walking rigor of a college graduation? Is there a long walk, climbing up bleachers, a long extended sit/day, the hustle and bustle and all the crowds, etc. - just thought I’d mention that.
My parents are pretty frail. They will need my attending to them in order to attend anything. My ILs are fully mobile.
I would take seal16’s advice if we were short two tickets, but alas…just short 1.
I hadn’t realized live-streaming on campus would be an option when I posted, but I now see that it is. I feel less stressed about that. Delegating them to a viewing room on campus feels less insulting than telling them 1 person has to hang back at the hotel
We also had a limited number of tickets but the school actually made it pretty easy to get additional ones…for child 2.
For child 1, thankfully the kid had a senior recital that we invited everyone to. We invited no one else to the actual departmental graduation. Just the parents went.
I think you need to find out options for getting additional tickets asap. Your daughter might have friends who aren’t using all their tickets.
If you get five tickets…you only need one more, right?
Oh. So logically she would be the one to sit it out, but I can see how that would be an issue. Good luck. I’m guessing you will be able to find someone not using one ticket. I’d just mention to all at this point that there may not be enough tickets for everyone but you’re doing everting you can to get an extra. Gives them time to think about it.
Oh, stab to the heart leaving everyone 65 and over home - (some of us are almost there!!)
All 3 of mine attended small private schools with “small” graduating classes - still there was a lot of walking, waiting, lines, climbing, more walking, finding available rest rooms, people, crowds - we did bring my mom to the 1st one - she was a daily 2-3 mile a day walker but that day was ALOT. And a lot of sitting and a long ceremony. Didn’t even entertain the thought for the next 2 graduations!
That’s OP’s decision of course…but yeah, I would set the stage now to let them know there is a chance there won’t be enough tickets - and see what happens between now and grad time.
I"m over 65. But I don’t need to use the ladies room every half hour if I’m drinking water due to sitting in the hot sun; I can handle eating lunch at 3 pm because the lines (even at the food trucks!) are 50 people deep; I can function just fine waking up at 6 am to catch the hotel shuttle to line up for the metal detector.
On the one hand, who wants to be the Grinch to deny the g-parents watching their grandchild graduate? On the other hand… it was a really, really stressful event with an elderly person who needed hand-holding.
Being “ticket constrained” could be a blessing in disguise. We ended up parking in the overflow lot at an athletic field miles from campus… so MORE shuttle buses. Honestly, not fun for anyone.
I am fully anticipating this whole event to be stressful. In fact, in anticipation of how less than ideal it is going to be, our immediate family is taking a trip up to see D20 two weeks beforehand, just to have some relaxed family time together in her city. That said, there was no high school graduation for her (class of 2020) and attending is really important to the grandparents, so who am I to not do what I can to make it happen?
I would let both sets of grandparents know that tickets are unexpectedly limited to immediate family, and even give them the option of staying home. (Two of my kids didn’t attend their own graduations, one at an Ivy, so our view may be skewed!)
Good to stir in logistics and likely hurdles when incorporating elders into big event plans. One of my kids graduated from a small college with a spread out rural campus and the other from a larger urban school, with a big venue and a much larger graduating class. Complex events, each in their own way. It did not make sense for any surviving grandparent to go, but we found a way for each of them to share in the joy as it worked for them. The no go status was pretty clearcut, making it an easier call. I learned not to romanticize all being together when the ship of big events had sailed, focusing on how it could be comfortable and meaningful to them.
As a side note, once attended post-graduation lunch only with our kid’s dear friend (tix to family). It was the best! Did not need to see over 1,000 diplomas handed out in a sports arena, but loved celebrating.
