65 is definitely restrictive for an otherwise healthy adult.
My mother , who was 85 when my older son graduated from college, did not attend his graduation and she was upset but did understand. She would have had to get on a plane with my sister(who did not want to do that), and then navigate all the graduation hubbub. Just too much. For everyone. I still remember a family navigating with a very elderly relative , a frail looking woman in a wheelchair. Frankly, everyone looked miserable when I saw them, although I’m sure there were also very good moments.
A frail parent attending, despite obstacles, seems different to me. There are usually setups for non immediate family to watch somewhere and there could be opportunities to join everyone after the graduation ceremony.
“I hate to do this but we just found out there are only enough tickets available for 2 grandparents. We do not feel right in picking and choosing. We are happy to have you come to graduation however only 2 will be able to come into the building to watch it live. There may be a video streaming option which we are looking into. Again, we really do apologize but we were initially given incorrect information.”
Kind of pathetic, and only saw it happen one year (the year dd19 was supposed to graduate but she graduated a year early), 6 tickets for graduation, even fewer for convocations, a page was setup for exchanges, but many kept posting tickets for sale (and folks were buying them).
I would never in a million years have missed my kid’s graduation, especially in this case where one of the grands is a second marriage. If my H made that the hill to die on, then he could have stayed behind to watch the live stream.
Be confident that the in laws will find out if you don’t tell them. These things always come out. In my personal experience with my in laws, there wouldn’t be a way to minimize hurt feelings.
My H could not care less if his dad and stepmom attend. In fact, he’s kind of annoyed at the prospect (it is not a close relationship). I am the one that usually keeps that relationship intact.
My MIL’s other granddaughter (her bio daughter’s child) is graduating high school the same day as my D24, and she’s already indicated which ceremony she’ll be going to (spoiler alert: not D24’s), so I do think there is sort of a precedent being set for how to prioritize attendance. :shrug:
My 2 sons are 4 years apart. Their HS and college graduations were in different states, on the same day!! So we had to divide and conquer. Yes, different scenario, but bottom line, ya get over it. I agree the grandparents if not mobile might be more comfortable live streaming the actual event. Don’t need anyone falling on the bleachers or what have you
I’m confused and maybe I’m not understanding correctly. I thought the inlaws had asked about coming to your daughter’s college graduation and had already made travel arrangements ? So, sounds like no need to worry if they are going to the high school graduation of stepmom’s bio granddaughter instead?
It sounds like your husband would not be the one telling his parents they can’t attend. Usually I would say that each person needs to tell his own parents. But that doesn’t sound like they have that kind of relationship.
My husband would stay home before he confronted his parents. In fact he would be the one to volunteer to watch the live stream.
You don’t have to give a reason but you do have to be willing to be the fall guy.
I do understand the frustration with the step mother’s declaration of going to her bio granddaughter’s HS graduation. I guess you have to decide if it’s an issue if the relationship with them is ok to weather this situation.
Then this would be a no brainer to me. If your H doesn’t care if they come, then your parents get the tickets and I wouldn’t be giving this a second thought.
Its a lot of angst for the very high probability that one extra ticket will be able to be acquired. And if not… at the last minute, a decision will be made as to who will live stream from the luxury of a comfortable nearby air conditioned location. I would not bring it up now.
