<p>Question for parents. If the child has a type A personality, does exceptionally well on the SSATs, is highly gifted but does not tolerate stress well, what schools should we look at?
I don’t want to cause my child ulcers due to stressful situations. </p>
<p>Are there any schools that teach children how to manage stress? My child internalizes stress and literally gets sick as a result.</p>
<p>You might want to consider working with an educational consultant. A good consultant will get to know your child, and help you put together a list of schools to consider based on a number of factors, including your child’s unique needs (such as not tolerating stress well).</p>
<p>From personal experience I would put Quaker/Friends schools on your list…Westtown, George School, etc. The environments in those schools tens to very much foster learning and growth, but at the same time discourages competition and ‘labels’. Quaker (and montessori) schools are schools with the least amount of external stress that I have seen. As a result, even those kids who push themselves and have stressors find a balance because of the calm environment they are schooled in.
T</p>
<p>I agree with mountainhiker. An educational consultant should be able to help. [Independent</a> Educational Consultants Association | IECA](<a href=“http://www.educationalconsulting.org%5DIndependent”>http://www.educationalconsulting.org)</p>
<p>From your description, your child generates his/her own stress. Does he/she do well when away at camp?</p>
<p>I would have reservations about sending a child who makes himself/herself ill when under stress away to a boarding school. The boarding school environment is intentionally stressful. The schedule is packed with required activities. The kids receive a mountain of work, but are pressed on time to complete it. Dormitories put dozens of teens into the same building for months on end. No matter how “relaxed” a school’s culture may be, the setting itself is challenging. </p>
<p>In the worst case, your child could become sick from stress, miss class time and fall behind, then never become well again, because it would become a vicious cycle of feeling stress–becoming ill–falling behind–feeling stress (repeat the entire school year.)</p>
<p>In many areas, local day schools, parochial schools, and good public high schools can offer interesting and challenging classes, without the added stress of living away from home. If you can finance a boarding school education, you might be able to swing moving closer to a day school, at least for the four years of high school. I know that sounds like an extreme option, but I have heard of people choosing it.</p>
<p>What does your child find stressful? This can be highly individual. Thus we talk about “fit”.</p>
<p>For my child, it was studying for big end-of-semester exams that got her worked up to the point of hysteria. </p>
<p>Somewhat surprisingly, last year at a boarding school with something of a “pressure cooker” reputation, she found it utterly enjoyable, because with her discussion based classes in all subjects, there are few if any “make or break” final exams. </p>
<p>This is a good topic to discuss with your child, in trying to find a school where they will feel comfortable, happy, engaged, and not overwhelmed.</p>
<p>2prepmom and everyone else, Thank you.<br>
2Prepmom, my dd loved the five weeks at Exeter. She thrived on the discussion led courses. We will be discussing this topic more closely.</p>
<p>Rose2014 - just a warning. My D also did Exeter for 5 weeks. The regular school year is NOTHING like the summer program in terms of workload and stress. A lot of people are fooled by that. They are also not the same instructors. So if she bends (or breaks) under stress - Exeter isn’t going to be the right fit.</p>
<p>What we did was use the experience to determine if our daughter would thrive living away from home, adjusting to new cultural constraints, etc. - then looked for the schools where she was a clear fit and where there was a mutual “connection.” So Harkness is great, but perhaps it’s not Harkness but a small class environment that will help her thrive. If that is the case - even local private schools in my area with small classes tend to be discussion based rather than lecture based.</p>
<p>Start with that as a goal as you vett boarding schools - avoid the ones with “sink or swim” mentalities and look for the ones where faculty really enjoy engaging the students.</p>
<p>ExieMIT</p>
<p>I think you are implying that Exeter is “sink or swim” and highly stressful, and perhaps it was when you attended (in the 1980s?). For my daughter, it has been neither. She finds Exeter warm, inspiring, and loves being surrounded by like-minded kids. The work load is manageable. Her advisor is friendly and available, and the school has definetely encouraged my involvement in regional Exeter-related parent activities and extracurriculars. </p>
<p>I think this is probably because my daughter is a good match for the school, and would suggest having any prospective student visit, spend the day with current students, and see if they feel comfortable at Exeter. My daughter knew the minute she walked onto campus it was the place for her, and walked away from several other well-known boarding schools that had a more “warm and supportive” reputation. It really is about finding a good fit for your individual student. Your child will have a good sense of which schools “feel” right for them.</p>
<p>Depends on what causes stress. My kid, for example, tends to get stressed out when too many eyes are on him. He has always been independent and has never liked people “telling him what to do.” So the independence of Exeter–where faculty/advisors aren’t constantly checking on him, where there’s no study hall, where help is readily available from students, faculty, teachers IF you ask for it–makes things much less stressful for him. That might feel like sink or swim to a student less comfortable seeking out advice and help when he or she needed it. </p>
<p>That said, a child who’s prone to constantly comparing him or herself to others and feeling stressed when others are doing better will probably feel stressed at Exeter, where there’s nearly always someone who’s more talented in ______than you are. </p>
<p>So I agree with those above who said that it’s what causes the stress that matters the most.</p>
<p>VERY good points regarding figuring out the cause of stress. For our son, large environments are stressful. Very small schools where he knows the names of almost all students and teachers is comforting to him. The work load can be horrific, but if he feels at home in the small pond he will not be stressed by the demands in that pond. He finds large environments to be uncaring, impersonal and overwhelming…and therefore highly stressful (while my other finds those same environments to be exciting, challenging and filled with lots of opportunities).</p>
<p>So yes, dig a bit deeper and decide what causes the stress. Be sure to also consider if your demands, as a parent, are part of the stressor and if a boarding encironment might alleviate that. Sometimes it is a trial and error analysis and being open to a change of schools is necessary.</p>
<p>Finally, I also agree that in general a summer program on a campus is not indicative of what the school year is like…in terms of demographics, routine, etc.
T</p>