<p>Something that has been bothering me is just how to respond to students who wander into the Parent’s Cafe - often without disclosing their non-parental status. (We really can’t card these kids, can we?) In the other parts of the CC Universe, I try to identify myself as a Dad, so the reader/posters will understand where I’m coming from with regard to the questions and discussions. But here in the Parent’s Cafe, I assume I’m corresponding with a parent, unless and until I’m told otherwise. I’ve frequently deleted a response after realizing that the person I was responding to was a teenager - more often I’ve gone back and realized that I would have adopted a very different tone if I’d known.<br>
Part of me wants to say - well, if they want to play with the big kids, so be it - treat them like everyone else here in the PC. But… I can’t do it. I’m a Dad. I expect teenagers to be occasionally snotty and lacking in perspective - even teenagers as smart as we generally see here in CC. I want to cut them slack - more than I would an adult. (I’m not so good at cutting snotty adults slack.) I don’t want to patronize the younger posters (although I’ve been guilty of that) but on the other hand I don’t want to treat them the same as I would an adult (which is, I guess, patronizing in itself.)<br>
So what do my fellow parents (and students, if you’re here - but please self-ID) think is the proper way to respond to the younger set who wander into a discussion in the Parent’s Cafe?</p>
<p>You have a good point. One can always go in someone’s profile and search for any clues that could indicate their age, but that is way too time consuming going through post after post. Some of the members have their age along with their location. Maybe we can ask the moderators to make it a required feature to have the age on the side under the screen name or have your status under the screen name, whether you are a student or parent? </p>
<p>P.S.: I’m a student by the way :)</p>
<p><------- (i’m a student)</p>
<p>I say if they post here, they should be prepared to take whatever the parents can throw =P</p>
<p>Kluge, don’t worry about it. Your posts are usually right on so maybe the students will learn something. :)</p>
<p>Kluge, I’m aware of the “problem” myself. I generally try to cut a student some slack but if they persist, either in being rude or making inflammatory or provocative posts, I just shrug and treat 'em like anyone else. The vast majority of students here are perfectly well mannered…though I admit I don’t wade into the “What Are My Chances” or “High School Life” fora very often at all. But <em>here</em> they’re well mannered. </p>
<p>Doesn’t address the “mistaken identity” problem. For some reason, I note the students are far more likely to have their Age listed the little profile box.</p>
<p><em>kid</em></p>
<p>I agree with the others. Every person should be prepared to be treated according to the forum s/he’s in. (That includes you being treated like a seventeen year old if you’re not careful!). </p>
<p>I put my age in posts where I feel it matters. Otherwise, I leave it out.</p>
<p>Student, here. No use thinking that you have to change your tone simply because of the poster - it is (or should be) implied that any response in this forum will assume the initial poster is an adult ;).</p>
<p>Is this like moving from the kids table to the adult table during holiday dinners?</p>
<p>It depends on how drastic a change in tone you’re talking about. Just remember that students don’t come here in the first place because we expect this to be a clone of the High School Life forum.</p>
<p>Vyse, no, but some post as if it <em>were</em> the HS Life forum. Rarely, thankfully.</p>
<p>Bring it - I think anyone old enough to be on CC is old enough to take some strong responses. I also think that forceful writing leads to more lively threads.</p>
<p><em>I am a student, not a parent.</em></p>
<p>There was a famous New Yorker cartoon back when the net was fairly new that portrayed a dog saying, “[o]n the internet, no one can tell you’re a dog.”</p>
<p>As I’ve become more sensitive to the medium, I’ve found it’s become a little easier to spot the dogs. (Even poker playing dogs have their “tells,” after all.)</p>
<p>I chose my screen name in part to avoid any misunderstandings about who I am. </p>
<p>I’ll admit to vacilating somewhat on this issue. I once called to task a frequent poster (whose postings I generally greatly admire) for what I saw as an unfair criticism of a 17-year-old, and prompted an impressive chorus of defenders of that poster. On another occasion, I took unnecessary umbrage at something a high school student said about me in the law school forum, and traded a couple of prickly postings before calming down and resuming my more typically avuncular tone.</p>
<p>Solomon likewise vacilated on a comparable question in another era: “Answer not a fool in his folly, lest thou be like him;
answer a fool in his folly lest he be wise in his own conceit.”</p>
<p>Kluge: I agree. I sort of feel like they have 90% of the forum – why do they feel compelled to come here?</p>
<p>I like the fact that you refer to students, who you just professed to be the majority, as a rather rude sounding they. This is not parents against students–I think we all get enough of that at home. Why shouldn’t a student enter into a discussion with parents? Students have different experiences and different views than parents and can add a lot of depth to disucssion, at times. The other obvious fact is that a lot of posts on this board are looking for advice on how to deal with teenagers. Who better to supplement fellow parental advice than a rational kid who has seen the failures and successes of his parents’ and his friends’ parents’ methods?</p>
<p>Teenagers are the majority on College Confidential. We are the ones going through the process of applying to college. I have gone to the parent’s cafe to get away from the kids’ cafe (which can be fightening!), to get advice from parents when mine aren’t up to the task, and to give advice when I think that my opinions, based on my unique circumstances, could add to the discussion. </p>
<p>Parents go on the student boards, and kids go on the parent boards. As long as this problem doesn’t explode into parents posting in HL Life about vacuum cleaners and kids posting about how much they hate Shakespeare in the Cafe, then I think we’re all set. Disclose age if it matters to the point being discussed; otherwise, why should it matter?</p>
<p>-student.</p>
<p>But hazmat - the kid’s table is where all the fun is! </p>
<p>I’m not surprised to see the student’s posts saying “bring it on” - a bright and feisty bunch of young people, here. I recognize that this is my problem - not the students’. (Great line from Farscape: “Don’t feel bad, it’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you.” - but I digress.)</p>
<p>I recognize that it’s kind of patronizing to want to treat teenagers - particularly the very intelligent type we see here - differently than my age-peers, but I can’t help it. It’s a Dad thing, and it bothers me. I don’t want to exclude students from the dialog, but I guess what would be helpful to me is to have students self-identify (as I do when I wander out to the greater CC metro area) so I can respond in a way that doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Granted, I end up regretting a fairly good sized portion of everything I post anyway - but this would just let me regret different things, in different ways.</p>
<p>So I guess that’s my request: I’ll identify myself as an adult in the other regions of CC, if you students will identify yourselves as such here. Is that a reasonable thing to ask?</p>
<p>kulge:
Regarding your statement: "I recognize that it’s kind of patronizing to want to treat teenagers - particularly the very intelligent type we see here - differently than my age-peers, but I can’t help it. It’s a Dad thing, and it bothers me. "</p>
<p>I think of it this way. If I had a choice between going out to eat tonight with three of my girlfriends, or three of my sons’ friends, who would I go out with? Take a guess. 
</p>
<p>Not that I don’t talk with my kids’ friends - I do and I love it. But, I presume, the parent cafe is called parent cafe because it is generally a place for parents.</p>
<p>My age is written in the sidebar; I’ve never made a secret of it. At the same time, I don’t want anyone to cut me slack… if I’m being unreasonable, please tell me!
The posts in the Parents’ Forum tend to be mature, courteous, and insightful. I’ve never been caught in a flame war here, which is more than I can say for other parts of CC. I come here for the perspectives.</p>
<p>I like talking to adults in RL, too, but I don’t usually get the chance to.</p>
<p>I agree that the Parents Forum should welcome the input of students now and again - after all, they do provide a unique perspective. However, for etiquette’s sake, they should identify themselves as such within the text of their post.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exact same feeling here.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>I went back and edited my profile to identify myself as a Dad, not a student. (Well, I tried. Nothing happened. I probably did it wrong. I’ll try again.) Perhaps the monitors could set up the process of creating a profile to sign on with to require a designation of student/parent/other?</p>