<p>I don’t think women are necessarily “afraid”. There is a lot of psychology involved in speaking up. It’s not enough to tell young women to speak up if they are being abused. </p>
<p>The longer someone is in a relationship - casual or intimate - the harder it is for the victim to detect certain warning signs. She had known him for a long time. She knew his family. They had mutual friends.
Women in her position need to feel comfortable in their decision to speak up. Too often they are told they are “just being emotional”, “rocking the boat”, “overreacting”.<br>
Imagine if she had spoken up and he was disciplined. Imagine how angry everyone would have been at her if he had not been able to play or kicked off the team.
This scenario is not far fetched.</p>
<p>I am sure no one on either team thought he would do it. No one thinks that and most of the time these guys don’t. Huguely did. I am sure both the men and women’s team are beside themselves with grief and guilt. The coaches too.</p>
<p>All you women out there - take care of your girls. As much as you love their boyfriends, as cute of a couple you think they are - have the talk. Let them know they have your unconditional love and support, if they ever even “get a feeling”. Don’t ever tell your daughter you are “disappointed” she broke up with a boyfriend. After a fight, don’t tell your daughter to go “talk to him”. Don’t make excuses for your daughter’s boyfriend’s drunken behavior.</p>
<p>Sports Illustrated has an article which contains some additional info. It also had some info about how the lacrosse family decided to “fight” the press on this. (It sure doesn’t sound as if it’s interested in any analysis of the possibility that a “lacrosse culture” contributed to the incident.) </p>
<p>JustaMomof4, I agree with all your points. But I also think women in abusive relationships also live in fear. They are afraid to speak up due to retribution by their abuser.</p>
<p>^ I also agree, and we as parents hope that students at colleges will report domestic violence/threatening behavior whether they are being victimized, or only observers of these concerns, however it is equally critical that colleges and their domestic violences services have well thought out approaches to these reports that include actions that do not inadvertently escalate the risk of violence to the reporting student. </p>
<p>If the college’s response to a domestic violence report does not carefully consider the impact of that response to the reporting student then students will remain fearful to come forward. They need to know there will be some level of confidentiality and help for them to stay safe, when an investigation or discipline is conducted.</p>
<p>Women in her position need to feel comfortable in their decision to speak up. Too often they are told they are “just being emotional”, “rocking the boat”, “overreacting”.
Imagine if she had spoken up and he was disciplined. Imagine how angry everyone would have been at her if he had not been able to play or kicked off the team.
This scenario is not far fetched.</p>
<p>Absolutely! If she had complained earlier, no one would have thought that George would have been capable of killing her, therefore most would have felt that she was over-reacting and hurting George and the team unnecessarily.</p>
<p>*But I also think women in abusive relationships also live in fear. They are afraid to speak up due to retribution by their abuser. *</p>
<p>Also very true. If he had been kicked off the team, he likely also would have hunted her down and killed her.</p>
Did the coach really not know about any of this, including the arrest in Lexington? Did he not do anything because he didn’t want to lose Huguely from the team? And Littlepage readily acknowledged the strong bond of a team.</p>
<p>And it’s not just Miss Love and the coach. Many on the men’s team and possibly many on the women’s team also knew. </p>
<p>I wonder if all of this is going to come out in the trial? </p>
<p>Is it unusual that the toxicology reports on Huguely haven’t been released yet?</p>
<p>Let’s also remember that as terrible the things are that Huguely may have done (some known already, some stuff possibly still to come out) before he killed her, nobody likely ever dreamed that he was capable or willing to kill her. And the victim of abuse herself wants to think that anyone who supposedly loved her certainly would not truly harm her. So, even if people had scorn for some of the behavior they observed or even if (still not yet known) Yeadley received threatening emails from Huguely and shared with her closest friends…none of them likely thought she was in this degree of danger. It is just something they would not have fathomed among friends (he is not exactly some stranger in an alley). And so some education about warning signs and how these signs can be serious, might help. I don’t think anyone involved saw this coming, even if they thought he was abusive. (just to be clear, the stuff he did short of killing her, was also bad and warranted intervention of course)</p>
<p>^there is a very real risk of retaliation. that’s what I was addressing, it’s exactly why the actions that colleges, (or workplaces) take need to consider and address the real fear the reporting student has.</p>
<p>soozievt–agree, the education about the warning signs is so key. and the average college student or parent for that matter would not have imagined these behaviors would lead to a killing. but I must add that domestic violence experts looking at the pattern of behavior would absolutely think he was capable of escalating to murder, it is tragically an all familiar pattern. if the behaviors were reported and there was a strong approach to investigating to see if indeed such a pattern of behavior was evident there could have been intervention.</p>
<p>This question has probably already been answered; did they breakup? Or were they still together? I want to how how he came to be in her apartment.</p>
<p>^^^^From what I read, other students reported that he claimed he was headed to her apartment to “get her back.”</p>
<p>In his confession, he claimed her front door was unlocked. But as he also admitted to kicking her bedroom door in, she likely ran to her room and locked the door in an effort to escape him.</p>
<p>They had broken up. He told the police that the door to the apartment was unlocked and he just walked in. He also said YL’s bedroom door was locked and he kicked it in.</p>
<p>lindz, agree with you. The warning signs are classic for those familiar with domestic violence. But those involved likely would not have seen this level of abuse (murder) coming. It just would not have seem fathomable to them as he was also their friend. And in her case, she wouldn’t think he would ever actually kill her (though we don’t know yet if there were any threats he made of doing so, in which case, the seriousness should have been realized).</p>
<p>Another thing…she did break up with him. So, she obviously realized this relationship was not good. But she may not have known what else to do about his behavior. Who knows what, if any, threats he made, and if so, who she told, etc.</p>
<p>How can he kill someone he once loved this way? The whole situation seems bizarre. He might be a violent person, but it takes more to kill someone this violently. He does not seem like someone capable of this act. </p>
<p>He is lucky he can afford good legal representation. The verdict will be far more lenient than what we will expect for this crime.</p>
<p>tega, there is more to it than violence. Also, there are many murders among family members and those in relationships. It is hard to fathom someone killing someone else they once loved. But domestic violence is often an escalation of other aspects of abuse and control in the relationship. It doesn’t simply start with violence. It isn’t even really about the violence and he likely was more violent when under the influence. But I bet you anything that the relationship was one of control over his partner. And the level of that abuse grew to more extreme levels, including violence, and ultimately killing her.</p>
<p>Abuse in relationships is intentional in an effort to control the partner. An abuser abuses in order to get what they want. It often doesn’t start out as physical abuse. It may start out as emotional abuse (examples: intimidation and threats). Abusers often have low self-esteem. They do not take responsibility for their actions. They may even blame the victim for causing the violence (i.e. “if she hadn’t…”). In many cases, the abuse can escalate and turn physical and violent. </p>
<p>So, this isn’t simply about a violent person but more about an abuser in relationships who tries to control his partner by some means. It’s about power over another individual.</p>
<p>That’s certainly a very likely possibility. As so many abusers do, he had probably offered contrite apologies and promises of future good behavior, but she was having none of it. For someone used to getting what he wanted, that was probably a huge blow. Take rage, a sense of personal entitlement, and add lots of alcohol, and the outcome, though tragic, is hardly surprising.</p>
<p>I think Ms. Love was particularly vulnerable because she likely did not want to get George in trouble (the whole peer group thing). Moreover, she was in a very vulnerable position for domestic violence because she broke up with her abuser and that can really set an abuser off. That is when a woman can really be unsafe if she leaves someone who is abusive. We have already read that George told others that he was going to Yeardley’s apartment that night to “get her back.” As an abuser, he likely would do anything go get what he wanted. She rejected him and given his abusive nature, that put her in a vulnerable situation.</p>
<p>I’ve been jumping in and out of this thread, so forgive me if this is a repeat. Something that I keep thinking about is all the young women who think something like this just won’t happen to them. If a young person is lucky enough to have never witnessed domestic violence first hand, it must seem like a foreign idea.</p>
<p>Agree! The alcohol allowed him to take his rage to another level that when in a more rational frame of mind, he may not have carried out to this level.</p>