DS was talking about interning at the same research institution where he’s been the past two summers, but I said no. I really want him to have a relaxed summer between super-busy HS years and even more intense college years. Part-time work there may be a possibility, but I wonder if even this is a good idea. I’m looking any alternatives to just staying home, especially when his friends may be out of town. We’ll travel as a family for a couple weeks, but that’s it. Financially we don’t need him to work, but I’m not sure I want to spend a lot of money on programs of questionable value. I also don’t want him to be gone all summer, or send him alone out of the country. Any ideas?
If he’s anxious about starting college (and with guys, it can be hard to tell), forcing him into inactivity might be counterproductive. He might need the busyness and the familiarity of his usual internship to help him feel comfortable during the summer rather than spending his time brooding.
I would suggest that he have something that gives his time structure. Whether that be this internship, a part time job, volunteering, it does not matter. Is this internship something that could turn into a paying job in the future? Could they give reference letters for a job out of college?
My kiddo is planning to work. (nanny job) I cannot imagine all that time with no structure 
Why would the internship be so stressful? If it’s a field he enjoys, why not get the further experience, especially if he may pursue those interests in and after college? My own kids worked full time jobs the summer before college and did some traveling on their own (eldest took cross country Greyhound bus trip with some friends). If not that job, maybe something less cerebral but a job nonetheless?
He’s so lucky to already have an internship, if he doesn’t find it stressful I wouldn’t make him drop it. In fact I never found any of my summer jobs stressful - they were so different from school even if they kept me busy as many hours it didn’t feel at all the same.
@mathmom he doesn’t have an internship yet, he still has to talk to his mentor about it but it’s likely he’ll get at least an unpaid one, payment will depend on their budget.
The reason I don’t want him to have a full-time internship is because it’s emphatically not rest, and he won’t have enough of a break before more work. I’m pretty sure he needs a real break doing something very different. If he insists, I’ll agree, but I have a feeling he won’t. Not going into too many details here, but I’d like to have some enjoyable alternatives to offer.
@yucca10 if he wants to intern…let him intern.
This is definitely a first world problem.
If you want him to do something different…how about a humanitarian effort…find a Habitat for Humanity project or have him volunteer in a soup kitchen.
There’s obviously a reason you don’t want him to intern, but like you said, if he insists you should acquiesce. Why can’t he find just a part time job this summer?
I wonder how many parents here, after working non-stop more than full time for years without any fully work-free weekends or vacations, when given an opportunity of a summer off to do anything they want without any financial repercussions, will choose to keep working all summer.
I retired a year and a half ago and haven’t done a dang thing since. My life’s goal was retirement. Because of this and our long-ago realization that kids are only kids once and will never get this halcyon time back, we never attempted to structure our son’s summers. He pretty much slept, played video games, and lounged away all his breaks. He only had three weeks between HS graduation and showing up for R-Day/basic training, so I’m glad he got the free time he got. And we were right: He’s not going to get anything like those HS breaks again for a long, long, long, long time.
However, if he had wanted to work, intern, camp, travel, or do something more formal with his summers, he would have been free to do so. Not sure why I would be the one controlling his decisions there. I say just ask your son what he wants to do and let him do it. IMO, there’s a lot to be said for “just staying home.”
Both of my kids really took it easy the summer before college. We went on our regular 2 weeks vacation in Jun, and they just relaxed for 2 months before they went off to college.
- It's hard for me to believe that you are discouraging him from having a work/learning experience he seems to want.
- It's hard for me to believe that he is heading off to school and your are hanging on pretty tight in your feelings about how he should live his life weeks before he heads out the door on his own.
- Compromise?
- A lot of people would THINK they want that whole summer off after years of working to do what they want but would end up potentially thinking doing nothing isn't all it's cracked up to be.
It’s curious the disparity in views here. I definitely can see OPs point that a hard working HS student may need to recharge before college.
But I don’t think the only way to do this is to sit around all day. One of mine taught tennis at a camp. Yes it was work and he had to be there at certain times etc but it was not mentally draining.
My other would be more stressed without a structure of some sort.
I really question what a student would do for weeks on end without any obligations. My D is still on winter break and going crazy. I have been giving her some work at my office to do to be productive a little bit at least. Otherwise she would watch TV all day and feel lousy afterwards. (Her words not mine)
To clarify, the point of my post was not to insist a kid should sit around all day doing nothing, but to find more interesting while still relaxing ways to spend the summer, maybe short residential programs, group travel, learning activities etc. There just doesn’t seem to be as many of these for graduates as for younger students.
@abasket - Nobody is forcing the kid to do or not to do anything and hasn’t been for the past few years, but neither of us is shy about stating our opinions.
Our S was paid to work at a summer science program for kids K-8. He had volunteered the prior summer and was hired to do it once he graduated from HS (basically same part-time job). He loved it because he liked to co-workers, boss and kids. He’s also a science/math guy. He did same job after freshman year of college.
D on the other hand didn’t have any time between HS and starting CC. After JR year, she was busy studying for and getting perfect score on GED and then starting CC.
Basically, the kids chose what they wanted and went after it. I get some suggestions and a nudge here and there.
We moved out of state the summer between HS graduation and DD starting at college. She really wanted to work her part time job but logistically it didn’t work out.
Couple of thoughts - We did a family vacation to celebrate her graduation and 18th birthday but she was interested in doing some adventurous stuff which we ended up doing as a family. Fantastic memory building (although I will never personally do another class V dam release ever again).
She went on a backpacking trip in the Appalachian’s with friends. It required a lot of training hikes and conditioning which she took very seriously.
She did a Habit for Humanity type service project in hurricane ravaged areas.
While she didn’t participate, her college offered a host of summer programs for incoming students, including study abroad trips for college credit to S. America and Asia, and early start for some courses. That college material started arriving after committing and depositing.
If your child’s college doesn’t offer summer travel programs, EF tours does some great trips geared (and priced) for students.
Seems like you are looking for suggestions for other things to do. I think you have hit on some of them, depending on his interests. The summer after HS is often the shortest, at least here in the east, because HS doesn’t end until late June and college may start in August. Two of my kids worked part-time and we went on vacation. One ended up out of a job beause we went away and that wasn’t allowed.
Other thoughts would be a camp job - perhaps as a counselor or junior counselor if he thought that would be fun (but may impact your travel plans) . Other kinds of jobs can be hard to get by the summer, unless you live somewhere with seasonal employment. Part of the reason my kids worked was to have money for college.
If money is not an issue, there are certainly older teen travel opportunities or service trips he could go on. Or the college may have a pre-orientation trip.
I agree with those that say not doing anything may not be the best option, especially if his friends are working.
My daughter went out of the country to volunteer for 6 weeks at a site that was related to her career interests. They had housing and food - well set up for volunteers. She spoke the local language. The experience definitely helped to set her apart when she was applying for internships in college.
It seems that he has lab experiences that will help him with lab jobs in college or in college summers.
Perhaps there is an activity he has long wanted to try but didn’t have time for before - Sea Education Assoc, NOLS, foreign language immersion?
It is really hard to send them off when they will be heading to college. I do believe in the value of the kids taking incremental steps towards independence so that first semester freshmen year does not come as such a shock.
I suggest a part time job instead of a third year at the unpaid internship.