Our sibling gatherings became fewer after both of my parents died. COVID pretty much put the nail in the coffin on get togethers with my brothers. An extended family gathering we used to do annually seems to have fallen by the wayside after my uncle died & Covid forced cancellations. H’s sister never has visited at the holidays. The changes make me kind of sad.
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And the funny thing is (I’ve thought this several times since my mom died Nov 2021) is that our sadness over the loss of these family get togethers is exactly the reason why our parents (in my case my mom who was the only surviving parent since 1994) really pushed for any reasons for us to all get together. We now are them.
When my mom died she had 2 turkeys and one turkey breast in her freezer. She would buy them on mega sale after the holidays for pennies a pound! The last several months of her life (she died unexpectedly) I don’t know how many times she kept saying “you guys all have to come over! I have these turkeys I need to cook!!” - but we didn’t make it happen between Easter and when she died. Those turkeys spoke a lot of words to me as I cleaned out her house. 
Circle of life. 
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I only have one brother. We used to talk but not often. We communicated through mom - both of us used to call her regularly and she would convey the news from the other.
Now, we talk often - it’s almost like we don’t have another outlet to discuss all the things we used to discuss with her. I had a long conversation with him this past weekend and both of us agreed that mom (wherever she is now!) will have a big smile on her face because the two of us are talking regularly!!
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Fortunately, even though we may not see each other much, we do come together when we need to. When our oldest brother died, we were in constant contact (in person and by phone) throughout his illness and passing. So I guess I can take comfort from the fact that I know we love each other.
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I should add that it wasn’t that we didn’t see mom - or each other - for that timeframe - we just didn’t commit ahead of time so she could plan that summertime turkey dinner!!! 
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I have the same thing with my sister. Once our mother passed away, it was as if we could connect directly, without her intervention. I am relatively close to my sister now.
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I went to my church’s (Protestant , Christian, progressive) Longest Night service.
The traditional Advent calendar was replaced with another , and we lit the 4 candles in the dark sanctuary for Grief, Memories, Comfort and Love. And then we lit candles of our own until there was light in the darkness.
Our pastor ended with a simple “Life is short, so love without caution and care without restraint while we can. Honor what you loved in them by being their hands here on earth until you see them again”
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Thank you for sharing that, @greenbutton.
Today I went into Aldi and was overwhelmed by all the little stocking type things - I realized that was where Mom had picked up little things over the years. She always had some quirky little gifts - she called them “side gifts” - and today I realized there weren’t going to be any unless I bought them and I just couldn’t. This morning H and I were talking about seating in the living and family rooms this morning - we have enough places for everyone to sit now. It’s really hard to think of her not being here.
@sabaray It’s funny that you mention having enough seating. Today, I realized that we won’t need to add a small extension table. It used to feel like a pain to set it up, now it seems like there is a cavernous empty space.
It’s 2 years for me since my mom died but I still think “oh, I don’t need to make a plate of Christmas cookies for mom” . Or not buying that gift of her favorite Costco products.
A friend gave me a Christmas tree ornament she. My mom died in late November. It was a pic of my mom she found on my Facebook framed in an ornament. She included a note that said “hang this on your tree and your moms beautiful smile will always be with you watching the Christmas festivities”.
I hang it front and center on the tree now.
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Last year. two months after my mother died, I felt sad at Christmas. I would be in a store and see something I wanted to buy her and then remember.
This year I feel kind of tired and empty. She is just gone. Family has all kind of separated. I had COVID for Thanksgiving and daughter has it for Christmas so no visit. My son is in CA. My other daughter is coming in the morning but I am only doing cheese and crackers, storebought spice loaf and hot cider. We will exchange a few presents.
I finally put my tabletop tree up. It has been sitting outside the back door. Probably blahh from getting through COVID but the second year feels strange because by then we realize they aren’t coming back.
You wrote exactly how I feel! My mom did Christmas up right. She put up a huge Christmas village display each year. She decorated the house and bought many, many thoughtful presents. She would number every one of them so we would open them in the right order! And they were all wrapped beautifully, a lot of the bows made by her.
Last year seemed surreal and we were numb. This year it’s hit me she’s not coming back and I miss her so much. I didn’t even think about getting a tree, so my husband took over and cut one down in our backyard. I bought very few presents for anyone. I’m hoping I feel more in the spirit next year.
This is my third Xmas without my parents. It’s still hard but it does get easier. My D and I are making my parents signature dishes for our dinner tonight. I want to keep their traditions going.
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My parents both died in the past few years, mom just this past July. Truly, I am happy they lived full lives and are no longer in pain. I’m sad they aren’t around to be part of the celebrations but know they are with us in spirit.
I’m very happy because both our kids and new DIL are here to celebrate the holidays with us and we will be with most of my extended family tonight at my sister’s place and there will be babies to cuddle and carry.
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My mom died in January, so it’s almost a year now.
I decorated early, and then stopped. I finally bought two gifts for my H and two sons who are here, today. I haven’t cleaned or baked or started cooking. No one is coming over, so it will be very low key tomorrow.
Blah is a perfect description. I’m sad off and on, but at this point, mostly just feel blah.
Carrying the babies of my nieces and watching the excitement if my great nieces and great nephews tonight was fun. They really love one another and were loving the grab bags (especially those I had bought).
My parents have been gone for years (mom in 2010, Dad in 2012). My FIL died two weeks after Christmas in 2021. Our kids and granddaughter have filled the gap. But there’s always that nagging emptiness because what “was” is no longer. Things change, and change can bring sadness.
Wishing everyone feeling the sadness of loss this year the strength to move forward and honor the traditions past while creating future traditions.
Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating today. Hugs to all.
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@sabaray Exactly what I was just thinking and your wording is perfect!
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My daughter reminded me that my mom bought pajamas for her and her cousin every year, but she has only one good pair left. So I bought her a set this year and will continue the tradition.
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