<p>There is probably a survivor personality too, though, and I suspect you are that as well: the ability to confront a challenge unflinchingly, the intelligence to study the best approach to the problem, and the energy and zest to do battle. I think you are probably the embodiment of all those traits. All the best–we are all one with you, even those of us who aren’t frequent CCers any more.</p>
<p>LTS, I do believe your have a survivor personality, and that bodes well.</p>
<p>And yes, as I have mentioned in PM’s, statistics are skewed. And yes, anyone lost to followup is in the “nonresponder” group or the “not a survivor” group. That does not mean that they did not respond to a drug or did not survive 5 years. If they moved, changed physicians, etc and the original tracking system “lost” them, they are counted as nonresponding, etc. Statistics are not always what they seem.</p>
<p>We will continue to pray, think positive thoughts, channel positive energy to you. And you can do the same for the oncologists, and the pediatric oncologists. It truely is a very tough job.</p>
<p>“you can do the same for the oncologists, and the pediatric oncologists”</p>
<p>Ditto the social workers, Ronald McDonald House staff, nurses, clergy, and legal aid lawyers who immerse themselves in the misery of others every day to do what they can to make it better. All of them have my admiration for their courage in facing down dragons every day.</p>
<p>Sending you pictures of a beautiful fall day here in the Northwest – sunny, with orange, yellow, and red leaves glowing on leafy trees, set off by the dark green of evergreens. A bald eagle landed on a Douglas fir 100 feet from my back deck and sat in the sun preening her feathers, then soared into the sky.</p>
<p>“Cancer personality”—the latest in blaming the victim! What garbage.</p>
<p>dmd77: I think you’re overreacting just a little. It’s well known that mental attitude has an effect on health care outcomes - thus why placebo groups in drug trials often show improvement despite not actually receiving any drugs. Obviously even the most determined, positive attitude may have no effect on the final outcome, but it’s narrow-minded to say that there is no effect in general.</p>
<p>And insofar as there is a mental attitude that could help, I’m pretty convinced that you have it, lts.</p>
<p>1of42: I think the idea that people of a certain personality are more likely to get cancer is bogus, and I think it’s quite cruel to suggest it.</p>
<p>However, I do agree with you that mental attitude can make a difference in TREATING an illness.</p>
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<p>I know you meant well with this post, but with direct experience treating cancer patients, they are not miserable or in misery, and those who are at the front of the clinical battle grounds in this war do not consider themselves as ones who are immersing themselves in misery. It is hard to explain, but misery is just not a word I associate with in the treatment or support of patients with cancer. I think of misery as a word one uses only when one is on their deathbed. We will all be dying one day. It is a battle, really. And patients, doctors, nurses, social workers, clergy, etc etc are all just rallying together to make the fight a better experience. </p>
<p>LTS and those who have posted about their experieinces or those of their spouse, parent chid…in the past or in the present really don’t want us to pity them, or think that they are immersed in misery. They aren’t. Neither is the rest of the team. When faced with a diagnosis of melonoma, I never once felt I was in misery. Ever. As a physician who has given the diagnosis and provided surgical treatment, as well as referred patients to oncologists, I have never felt immersed in misery. Ever.<br>
Lots of adjectives, but not misery. Even the oncologists do not think of themselves as immersed in misery. </p>
<p>Again, I know that you meant well. Really.</p>
<p>I once asked an oncologist how he could stand dealing with cancer, when so many patients were lost. He said that he felt that, unlike those in most fields of medicine, he routinely had the opportunity to cure a dreadful disease. He did not see his work as depressing at all, although he was sad about the people he was not able to cure.</p>
<p>LTS, I did not mean by my earlier post that you should have compassion for the oncologists - only that you should not find that statement about their not being able to control your disease discouraging.</p>
<p>dmd77: Oh, I never meant to suggest that personality affected people getting cancer, merely, to an extent, how successful treatments are.</p>
<p>1of42: in an earlier post (457, by LTS), it was suggested that people with a certain personality are more likely to get cancer:
“I have read a few things about the “cancer personality”, and, it seems like suppressing one’s own needs, feelings, etc. in favor of everyone else’s, over a long period of time, is thought to suppress the immune system, which in turn allows the cancer to get a foothold.”</p>
<p>I think this is the worst kind of <eightletter word=“”>, in that it might suggest to someone that they should feel guilty for getting cancer… i.e., blaming the victim.</eightletter></p>
<p>Latetoschool, I have not had much opportunity to participate in discussions with you, but my heart goes out to you. Your attitude is inspirational and I pray that your treatment will be successful. My prayers are with you.</p>
<p>First, I apologize to anyone who was offended; I did not mean to speak for others or derogate anyone’s professional mindset.</p>
<p>That being said, different people experience traumas differently, and all those experiences are valid. If you felt “lots of adjectives,” but not misery, in the face of cancer, and you found care from people who felt the same way, that’s truly wonderful. I admire that. But when my grandfather had dementia, and he was wracked with the terrors of his childhood and thought the people trying to comfort him were hostile strangers, I felt what I call misery, and his selfless caregivers were up to their elbows in people like me. And I was just a granddaughter, not (God forbid) a parent watching her child in mortal pain, which is probably the nadir of the human experience (irrespective of the fact that the child would have died someday anyway). Most people can’t handle a job where that’s part of the day-to-day experience.</p>
<p>Why do I say this? Because of my clinical work with battered women in danger of losing their kids, which I could not endure for a second year; my sister’s work with abandoned kids in foster care, from which she is taking a much-needed break; etc. There’s a lot of anguish/suffering/agony/distress/woe/call-it-what-you-like in this world, and not that many people who can face it every day with equanimity and without totally detaching emotionally from their patients/clients.</p>
<p>I think that you may be underestimating the strengths and gifts that allow you to approach your work as you do. Not everyone can face a high-stakes, guns-blazing battle against a tough opponent every day and then go home and enjoy family life. I tried it, and I can’t.</p>
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<p>Well, people who do see the work as depressing are a lot less likely to spend 30 years practicing oncology. Talk to some OBGYNs about why they chose the field, and many will mention the joy of birth, and the fact that they get to be around people who are glad to be in the hospital. If you don’t have the right gifts for the toughest jobs, you don’t enter, or you don’t remain. My mother is a psychiatrist, which many people would find depressing. She loves her work, but she’d be the first to tell you it’s not for everyone.</p>
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<p>Having been at the bedside of many people who died, misery is a term I’d hardly use. Just last week, I was present within an hour after two deaths, and present at one death. The ones I was not present with, the families reported their loved one was incredibly peaceful and comfortable. The one I was at (like all others I’ve been at), was also incredibly peaceful. I can’t tell you how many times I’m asked if, just prior to someone taking their last breath, do they all of a sudden sit up and bed and scream, take their last breath and die. I’ve never seen anything remotely resembling this. At the least, sometimes it’s difficult to tell when someone has died, because it’s so gradual and peaceful. It’s not unusual to think someone has died, only to discover they still have warm breath coming from their mouth, and they still have a heartbeat. </p>
<p>It’s this kind of attitude that perpetuates a fear of dying. Most people aren’t necessarily afraid of dying, they’re afraid of the dying process… what will it look like, how will it feel, will there be pain, will my loved ones be traumatized if they’re there. I’ve yet to meet a person who witnessed a peaceful death, who was traumatized by the death experience. This isn’t to say that someone who witnesses a death at the scene of a violent event won’t be traumatized, but I don’t think that’s what’s being referred to here.</p>
<p>Not to get horribly off-topic, Hanna, but OBGYN is not a speciality devoid of medical trauma… There are plenty of problem births, stillborns, drug babies, CP babies, Down’s babies, etc., etc. Ever wonder why OBGYN malpractic is so high?</p>
<p>And LTS, this isn’t in any way YOUR fault… From your posts, you have always done everything anyone could do to live a healthy life, and if your personality is pathogenic, well, Gd help us all because I am constantly amazed by your intelligence and warmth in these posts.</p>
<p>Well…dmd77, it wasn’t my idea, it’s something I read somewhere (I forget where but if I go back and drill around I can find it). Certainly I didn’t intend to imply that people who get cancer did it to themselves - although - there have been just too many incidences documented where people who had the personality characteristics as I posted, were diagnosed with a very poor prognosis and sometimes sent home with a dealth sentence, and then made serious, sweeping changes in their lives to mitigate the original self-limiting or self-denying behavior (expressing anger openly, putting their own needs first for a change, ending destructive relationships, etc.), and then went into remission, and stayed there. </p>
<p>In a couple of cases, the people ended marriages that were destructive, and the perfectly healthy spouse that was left behind died very soon after, and the spouse with cancer went into remission and are still alive today (as far as I know). So I think there is something to it, and though I lack the knowledge or information to articulate it very clearly, I certainly wouldn’t go as far as blaming someone for getting an illness. </p>
<p>What might be more interesting is the (informal) collection of commonalities among cancer survivors - here is what I have noticed in the cases I’ve read and the survivors (5+ years out) of my cancer:</p>
<ol>
<li> They all seem to be in very long marriages, with an incredibly supportive and very closely interactive spouse. OR there is a very powerful connection to at least one other person.</li>
</ol>
<p>There is one exception to this - a long term survivor experienced her husband of 20 years walking out and filing for divorce within a week of diagnosis. But she had five daughters, two still in high school, and I suspect that is what kept her in balance. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>They believe that they will survive, but, if they die, they’re o.k. with that too, and have a plan of support to help them through the process (clergy + spouse, etc.). </p></li>
<li><p>They have a high degree of confidence and trust on their medical teams. But it’s not blind faith; to a person, they all got second opinions and the majority did their treatment with their second opinion doctors. </p></li>
<li><p>Cooperatively with their medical teams, they have tweaked treatments just a bit. Not everything done by the book but rather adjusted to fit the patient and the cancer. </p></li>
<li><p>In spite of all evidence that may argue against a certain choice, they also have no problem saying “no” to things that don’t strike them quite right. Example, the five year survivor in Texas turned down PCI, which, considering the recurrance stats, I would consider a mistake - I think I would roll the dice.</p></li>
<li><p>They understand their disease, their treatment plans, etc., and, they continue to research other options on their own even while trusting their medical providers. </p></li>
<li><p>They’re just a bit iconoclastic, and in one or two cases they’re simply downright weird (this is good, because I will fit right in). </p></li>
<li><p>They are very, very happy in their lives, for the most part. They like their work, they like themselves, etc. </p></li>
<li><p>They’re highly adaptable. And they don’t feel sorry for themselves. They face reality. And they’re very, very blunt, outspoken, and unafraid - they appear to be type “A” personalities. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>That’s all I can think of offhand. It’s not very scientific but it seems to be the case across the board.</p>
<p>LTS,</p>
<p>Am quite relieved that iconoclastic and wierd people are amoung the survivors.</p>
<p>Just checking in to see how you are doing…and leave a wish for strength, humour, loving kindness and hope for you…</p>
<p>LTS: both my husband and I are “cancer survivors” (a term I hate and he is fine with). He has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and has lived with it for 7 1/2 years (he was stage 4 when diagnosed); I had chondrosarcoma which was surgically removed last June. I know a LOT of “cancer survivors” and I wouldn’t even begin to make a list like yours. Nor would I say that people of a certain personality type get cancer. I wouldn’t say either my husband or myself “suppress our needs”; nor would I say that about any of the women I know who are dealing with breast cancer (which has a known genetic link). In short, I think the idea of personality type determining who gets cancer is <8-letter-word>.</p>
<p>I see the idea very clearly. It is a metaphor, expressing that when people tend to their needs with strength and clarity, they are in a good position to participate actively in their care, in partnership with their medical team.</p>
<p>It is not a predictor. </p>
<p>If, by contrast, a person puts herself last and doesn’t drop everything to go and take her medicine in a timely way, or thinks her kid’s soccer coach is more important than herself when scheduling next week, she’s less likely to experience optimal healing.</p>
<p>If she can’t look her husband in the eye and say, “I’m simply too tired to make dinner tonight and I need you to do that plus the grocery shopping…” etc.</p>
<p>EDIT: It is perfectly logical that when you stop putting others first, you could certainly strengthen one’s immune system! How many people do you know who run themselves ragged for others, eat poorly, get too little sleep, worry, and neglect themselves. If that doesn’t depress an immune system, what else would? Seems like common sense to me and no scientific study needed to prove it.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions: I am not arguing with the idea that attitude can make a difference in TREATMENT; examples like yours show exactly why. The original statement was that people with a certain set of personality traits are more likely to DEVELOP cancer. I think that idea is garbage and blames the victim besides. </p>
<p>BTW, if certain personality traits determine who develops cancer, how would one explain which DOGS get cancer? Why would beagles be more prone to lymphoma cancers than other breeds? Why would mast cell cancers be more common in boxers? Do boxers have a “cancer personality”?</p>