Surviving your kid's unemployment

Parent Cafe
21

The best advice my son got as he was entering the job market (post-bac) was to develope a personal website. Essentially it’s an on-line resume/portfolio. The link to it can then be added to the traditional resume or cover letter. My son was a STEM major and his website was able to showcase his skills so much better than a resume. He was able to link to his one publication, show projects including coding samples, add posters from presentations, list relevant classes he took, describe job experience etc. I would think for someone in a creative field like your son, it would be even more powerful. This site has examples:

https://www.deputy.com/blog/20-personal-website-examples-to-inspire-job-seekers

And from that site, this example that is similar to what my son did:

http://www.pascalvangemert.nl/#/profile

My son did not have a LinkedIn account, but he couldn’t have done the same quality of portfolio in the LinkedIn format. I think the website idea is very modern and fits the way most people acquire information in our iPad world. It’s very visual, allows the user to jump around to their points of interest and it engages the reader more than a text dense resume.

22

I am going to agree that despite the healthy economy, finding a job is still difficult and takes a long time. My daughter is currently looking for a new job (she is still employed) and the process has been frustrating in many ways. The anxiety from rejection and being evaluated, the ghosting done by employer HR departments, and the ridiculous hoops companies make you jump through (online and in person testing, endless rounds of interviews with close to a dozen people).

I have been helping her (which she asked for and appreciates), by searching for appropriate jobs on company websites, linkedin, and indeed/monster/glassdoor. I send her these lists and she decides which ones she wants to apply to.

As mentioned above, it is not easy being the parent of an adult!

23

I would worry but acknowledge to myself that it is out of my control. My S has moved jobs several times and even with that I get nervous. He left jobs he liked but wanted more challenge. @csfmap the suggestion of a website is great. My S is also in a creative field and his website is a source of great pride. Actually so much so that when he has it in prime shape he likes to apply for jobs and test it out. That is what he did with the last job change. Luckily for Mom he loves this job and has many opportunities to learn and grow.

24

Maintaining a digital presence is very important especially for new grad job seekers but also for students seeking internships. I do think that LinkedIn is very important because many employers use it to recruit new employees and to screen online applications they receive. It’s also beneficial in that you can give more details about experiences, courses, projects, and publications that can fit in a condensed resume. Personal websites are also very good to have because you can get even more creative with presenting skills and expertise. Our S (a CS major) uses the following:

LinkedIn- Personal statement, work experience, classes taken, projects, publications. He also links to his personal website.

Personal website. Separate pages with more detailed personal bio (with images), research affiliations and publications, projects portfolio (image, link to paper, link to code on Github, link to poster), and back links to LinkedIn profile and Github profile.

The only caveat is that you need to actively maintain and update all this information. But once it’s setup that pretty easy to do.

25

As parents I doubt we ever stop worrying. Help them in anyway you can. There’s no right or wrong, one size fits all way of getting through life. I got laid off the day before I got married, it was rough but we survived and ultimately, to a degree, thrived. The only advice I would dare to offer and there’s no knowing how your son will take it, is that once you’ve been out of work for a while you’re not an unemployed X or an unemployed Y, you’re just unemployed. Getting back in the game might entail taking a job in a different field or at level he is overqualified for. In my experience, it’s always been easier to find a job when you already have one.

26

Getting a job one is overqualified for is difficult because employers tend to think that you will be too expensive, or move on quickly after finding another job. The latter also applies in some cases to trying for unrelated entry level jobs.

Yes. Employers tend to think that there must be something wrong with currently unemployed people compared to currently employed people.

27

Agree 100%. Difficult but not impossible.

28

Do NOT equate applying to jobs you see on websites as an adequate job search strategy.

Do not.

I have posted jobs on various sites (even professional associations, where presumably people read the posting before pushing “send”) and gotten thousands of resumes over a 3 day period.

Anyone in job search mode whether employed or not needs to engage in a serious, one on one networking effort with former bosses, colleagues, friends of friends, their college alumni group. I know people who are unemployed who shoot off 25 resumes a day and think that’s an aggressive search strategy.

No. Postings have become the electronic version of junk mail. I’ve had cocktail waitresses submit resumes for jobs as “Director of Econometric Analysis- PhD required” and pipefitters submit resumes for “Manager of Strategic Analysis and Innovation”.

If your kids are finding cool sounding jobs advertised online, it’s time to figure out who they know who work at that company who can direct their resume appropriately. And they should have someone who is NOT a contemporary read their resume. I don’t want to go into a rant about “kids these days” but you cannot imagine the number of resumes I’ve gotten over the last six months with NO contact information. None. Fancy and hard to read fonts and graphics? Yes. Lots of buzzwords about social media and being an influencer? Yes. Is there a phone number and email address? No.

Sorry. My team reads tens of thousands of resumes a year, and we are not engaging in a three hour detective project to try and figure out how to reach you based on your Instagram presence. Put a damn phone number and email on your resume, use 12 point type in Times New Roman, Calibri, or Palatino, and save the cutesy “handles” and graphics for your next vacation.

Rant over. OP-- big hug, this is very stressful. Make sure your son has reached out to career services at his college. The top career services operations have terrific professionals who have strong relationships with all kinds of employers. He does NOT need to be a graduating senior to tap into those networks and relationships. And one of the counselors there can make sure that his resume is putting his best foot forward, and might be willing to do a mock phone interview or Skype with him to give him feedback on how he’s presenting.

I don’t believe there is a prejudice these days against the unemployed. I do observe that SOME folks who have been unemployed for a while tend to get defensive- which as a human being who has to pay the mortgage and buy food I totally get- but which does not help the dialogue in a job interview. That’s where role playing with a professional can really help. There is a way to describe being downsized which sounds factual and empowering, and a way to describe it which makes the person sound “I’m glad I was fired because I hated my boss anyway” which is not a power move- ever.

Plenty of people get great jobs after periods of unemployment- whether weeks, months or even years. But knowing how to present your situation in a positive, “here’s what I’ve learned” light vs. “the world is out to get me” light makes all the difference.

Big hugs.

29

H has been through three forced job changes in our marriage. The first when we were newlyweds, the last, right before our D graduated high school. The staying in your lane comment you made in your OP is 100% the way to go. My parents went down the alarmist/harping road. It was not only unhelpful, it added to our stress, and it made my H feel like my parents had no confidence in his abilities.

Every time we’ve had a job change, it’s been a positive. Yes, some took longer than we would have liked but with flexibility with what position you are willing to take, and where you are willing to live, there typically tend to be options.

My father still harps on how unfair my H’s last company was and how it ruined HIS life! I get that it’s stressful for parents but keep reminding yourself of the perspective you shared in your original post. This is your adult child’s life. They will figure it out. Worrying 24/7 isn’t going to help and is only robbing you of your own peace.

30

OP here. S does have a current website and samples of his work to share. He had his old job for almost 3 years, and his boss there wrote him a rec that he appends to his submissions. His former professor is his sounding board/ elevator speech evaluator. His university’s career services were not helpful when he was there, as they are geared towards stuff he believes he is past (a lot of how to dress, etiquette like don’t chew gum or swear, etc) and not much in helpful leads. But I have suggested that as well.

Financially we loaned him funds to set himself up with the right computing power to do what he does, freelance. He will pay us back when he’s working again, we all agreed to that. He had about a year’s expenses saved so it’s not a crisis quite yet. I worry about his isolation for months on end (because, why not invent other reasons to worry, right?)

The ghosting is awful. He interviewed for a couple “survival” jobs he was completely capable of , and as someone said, he was rejected as being overqualified. But mostly he just never hears. He has sent hard copies to follow up some leads, but nothing comes of it. Even if he got some rejection feedback, that would be progress. But mostly it’s crickets.

31

In other words, you are saying that it is only or mainly about connections / nepotism, right?

Seems like the OP’s kid may have already used up the connections to no avail.

32

Nepotism is NOT asking your former boss to let you know if she hears of anything you might be qualified for. Nepotism is NOT asking your former colleague- who you had a great and productive relationship with, if he would keep you in mind just in case his company is hiring.

Why do you always assume the worst about hiring practices? Nepotism is when the CEO hires his idiot nephew to run a manufacturing plant, when the nephew has no experience in manufacturing. And most companies do NOT allow that.

Apply to jobs. Network. Make sure that all the people you’ve worked with who admire you and think your work is outstanding and that your personal ethics and work ethic are fantastic understand that you are in full time job search mode. How is that nepotism???

It is something that millenials do NOT like to do. I don’t know why. They would rather spend 10 hours a day applying to jobs on ziprecruiter, whether or not they are qualified for those jobs. They do not want to invest half an hour a day reaching out to their former colleagues vs. 10 hours on an anonymous job board.

33

If you’re not networking you are ignoring a great path around screeners and limiting your reach to potential jobs. A great network requires maintenance that many people are just too lazy to do. You should touch bases with your contacts regularly - NOT just when you are looking for a job. We worked with our S on networking since he started college, and his network is thriving. Of all his summer internships and current job offers, all came about through his network and LinkedIn.

34

@blossom, thanks for your great posts. Really helpful.

35

I have people who worked for me 20 years ago reach out and tell me “I need to move to Minnesota to be closer to my aging in-laws- if you hear of anything appropriate feel free to pass my name on”. I have people who worked for me 5 years ago who left to go to graduate school who email with their current resume to say “thanks so much for helping me launch- I’m always interested in cool opportunities in XYZ field”.

This is not nepotism. If I thought someone was a superstar 20 years ago, I am thrilled to be a resource for them. I don’t think I have EVERY recommended a family member, someone I had a social relationship with, or someone I knew vaguely from Zumba. I don’t recommend someone for a professional role if I don’t know them professionally and can vouch for their ethics, work product, competencies, interpersonal skills.

But someone who worked for me- who I know to be fantastic and talented and hard-working (like the OP’s son no doubt?) It’s a pleasure to help them. And in 2010 I helped someone who I had always admired-- who had been downsized in early 2009, really down on luck… by picking up the phone and telling a colleague “You need to meet this person, and if you don’t agree with me how fantastic and talented this person is, I will buy you lunch”.

I did not buy lunch. The down on lucker got a job which hadn’t existed until that meeting took place, and both the hiring manager AND the candidate agreed that it was a terrific fit.

This is not nepotism. This is helping a company hire a fantastic and suitable and creative person who I personally know to be a potential superstar- except for a protracted period of unemployment…

36

My experience with using connections is that they tend to give one of these results:

  • Tell you to apply directly on the company web site.
  • Refer into the normal application process (as if they were the initial recruiter).
  • Refer in a back door way to an interview, but for a job that is not a good match.

I.e. no creating a special job, nor any special advantage getting the job.

But perhaps it may be different if you know some high level executives, since the most egregious case of bad nepotism I recall was from a high level executive.

The other issue with connections is that the freshest ones are from the most recent employer – but they are probably either unemployed and looking for jobs themselves or are still at the downsizing employer that is not hiring.

37

I personally have gotten several jobs through connections. They were all part-time jobs that I probably wouldn’t have heard about if not for knowing somebody. In one instance, I contacted a person I had met at a trade conference and she set me up for an interview at the place where she worked and I ended up with the job. In another instance, a person in my book group was looking for help and I was looking for a job and it worked out.

38

One other thing about friends/connections. Many companies pay employee referrals. They also seem to move employee referrals ahead of other job applicants. So you can help a friend and they can help you. The application process can be different for referrals, so you may not be blindly applying with the other millions applicants.

39

“In another thread, someone mentioned that a large well known company had summer interns sign an 18 month post-employment non-compete agreement, which would be problematic for someone interning between junior and senior year of college, since s/he would find it restrictive in terms of where s/he can start working at graduation (especially since that company competes in many markets).”

You really need to look at the actual document, and if in doubt, consult a lawyer. Many “scary” non-competes actually boil down to “you can’t work on the same type of projects for any company that (competes with us).” Most big companies know better - they would not draft a standard non-compete that could be easily found unenforceable because it is overly draconian.

40

About networking, one poster’s poor experience is just one poster.

When you’re appropriately activated, you try a variety of tactics. And don’t assume X won’t work for the next guy.

But about parental worries, to the point of lack of sleep or even obsession. It’s not healthy. Not for either side. At a certain age, kids need to learn their coping and triumphs on their own. We’ll always be the parents, but are no longer Mommy and Daddy to young kids experiencing their first snafus. We can believe in them, offer some $ support, if possible, be a shoulder. But we can’t do it “for them.”

On many threads, posters admit learning this, sometimes with counseling.

And when the goal is clear, a job, it doesn’t help to sidetrack into all the job market woes, real or exaggerated. That easily turns into discouraging. The goal is to be supportive, without blurring lines. For the job hunter, it’s to keep moving, not lose momentum to rue the potholes.

Best wishes to him.