Some guest wanted to bring THEIR univited inlaws to a wedding? Now, that is tacky!!
We got a wedding invitation once addressed to “& family” and it seemed once we got there that kids weren’t invited. Ours were the only kids. Oh well.
Then when another member of the same family got married, someone made a point to tell me that kids weren’t invited. The invitation to the second wedding was addressed to Mr and Mrs (no “family”) so I had no intention of bringing them.
Now, I’m sure some people might bring kids anyway (I’ve seen that happen) but it definitely helps if you don’t appear to invite them.
I do not like the custom of printing where the couple has gift-registered on the invitation itself or including inserts to that effect. I think that is very tacky. It’s very easy to find out where a couple is registered online or by asking their parents. I also do not like the couple stipulating what kinds of gifts they are willing to accept (i.e. cash only). They should maintain the polite fiction that all gifts in any form are a pleasant surprise. And write timely thank you notes. It’s embarrassing to have to follow up with a newly wed couple months later to see if they received your gift.
I also dislike the custom of having a huge time gap (we’re talking hours) between the ceremony and the reception. That’s quite common in the Northeast and it drives me nuts. Why oh why do people do this?
One benefit to giving $ is that, even if you don’t get a thank you note, you know they got the gift if the check is cashed. 
I actually like the insert in the invitation telling me where the bride and groom are registered - just saves me a little time, but I know not everyone likes it.
Love timely thank you notes - somewhere I read that a year is okay… I think it should be a month.
“I think wedding/reception planning can be hard to understand until you have to do/pay for it yourself. Setting up an extra table at a reception may cost a lot more than the cost of the meals - floral centerpiece, linens, chairs, etc.”
This. ^^^^ Not just the cost, but the logistics. If the bride/groom make a seating chart and have 8 sitting at a table of 8 - what happens when someone decides to bring an extra person? Problem! Should they have an extra empty table for misfits?!!
S was married earlier this month. They were ordering a seating chart poster of sorts (it was BEAUTIFUL!) off of Etsy - they had to enter names online and then the names would be put into this poster and then emailed back to them for professional printing (it was “poster” size and was printed and put on a mat board and then put on a tripod thingy for people to see when they entered the venue) - with 5 days to go before the wedding S was on the phone w/a couple of people who hadn’t given them a firm yes or no - or “well, my H is still trying to get the night off” - there are a MILLION excuses/situations that people have - but you know what? It’s rude to not commit to what you can or can’t do until the last minute!
I have attended weddings where there was a gap in between the ceremony and the reception. (northeast)
Wedding ends at 4pm. Cocktails and appetizers at 6pm in the hallway and the reception hall opens at 7pm.
I think the break in between is for the bride and groom to change clothes and get their wedding pictures taken before the reception. Most weddings I have attended the bride and groom and their immediate families wear different clothes for the reception. Weddings are tiring and it gives the families a break to go back to their hotel room to relax before getting ready for the reception.
Related to tacky weddings are tacky gifts. My sister received a wall clock with a pharmaceutical name on it.
It must have been given to this guest by a pharmaceutical sales rep.
I’ve seen “no boxed gifts” on an invite (code for cash only)
In some cases the bride and groom live flying distance away so it would be hard to take all the china and stemware back with them. Some are just starting out and don’t have the place or use for fine dishes or they have already acquired things because they have their own apartments already.
I always try to give a gift receipt because I know it is a hassle to figure out where a gift came from. It can be frustrating when you don’t know where it is bought and you are stuck with something that you can’t use. I hate regifting.
No everyone (elderly guests) are internet savy so I can understand why a couple may put a card stating where they are registered in the invite.
I think a great time to take photos of the wedding couple is before the ceremony. Hair and makeup is fresh, clothes are unwrinkled, no one is sweaty yet, no tear stains, doesn’t keep guests waiting. It’s what husband and I did 30 years ago. Heck, we were already living together. I didn’t care if he saw me before I walked down the aisle. I know it’s not traditional but it made a lot of sense to me.
I did that as well, doschicos. I didn’t care if he saw me before I walked down the aisle. We did all the bridal-party pictures then, so we went straight from ceremony to party (this was in a hotel, so it meant just going from one room to the next).
That’s what we did, too, 27 years ago (take photos before ceremony). It is more considerate to the guests.
Most of the tacky behavior I’ve seen wasn’t from hosts, but from guests or would-be guests. If you don’t like the choices the hosts made, you can graciously decline. If you weren’t invited and you think you should have been, you can raise it with your friend/relative and try to repair the relationship afterwards, but you can’t insist on being invited. If you follow a special diet, you can let the hosts know, but you can’t demand that other people provide the foods you eat. If you are invited and accept, show up on time. It’s ridiculous.
Yes, we did photos before the ceremony, too. And so did D. Some brides/grooms may want the first time they see each other to be when the bride is walking up the aisle. I think the first time is the first time – and for D it was just SIL, D, and a photographer. The pictures tell a very sweet story.
I am thinking it is an American custom for the bride and groom to wear the same clothes to the wedding and the reception. In some cultures to attend a wedding and all the different ceremonies you have to buy a number of different outfits to wear for each function. That means photographs for each event since the attire is different in each. For all the ceremonies I had at least 5 outfits. For the wedding ceremony I had two different outfits and for the reception I had different hair, makeup, and clothes as it was the next day.
I have attended multicultural weddings where it will be in a church in the morning, a temple in the afternoon, and then a reception at night. 3 different outfits. An all day event like that is bound to be tiring and I am sure the photographer is working all day to capture all three events. (and before and after each function)
Yes, if it’s going to take you 2 hours to take pictures, do it before. If couples are going to run the wedding like a film production, surely they are modern enough to forgo old superstitions about seeing each other before the ceremony.
We had a non-traditional wedding venue - a large boat/ferry on the bay. It called for some serious thought regarding logistics
We had the photos done at my parents home before hand. I’d do this again in a heartbeat.
We had a no-kids invitation - it was a security issue.
The tacky people turned out not to be the relatives who tried to bring kids but, our PARENTS friends who wanted to bring their adult children (with whom I neither H nor I had much connection). They just thought it would be a fun party. It wasn’t really an issue of space, but it was an issue of cost. So we simply asked our parents to pick-up the costs for any of the self-invited hangers-on if they felt it was necessary in order to keep peace within their friendship circles
As I’d mentioned, D got engaged this weekend. Now H’s family is even larger when one adds first cousins and their offspring. D wants a no-kids wedding and is looking at a venue which restricts guests to 100. That means NOT 101.
I joking said they should have a destination wedding - just far enough of a drive and where the hotels are a bit expensive. That might weed out the extras.
I read all this and I am SO GLAD we have a small family. No issues of what to do if you have 30 first cousins and they all have kids and you have to draw the cut-line somewhere. Honestly, large families do not sound appealing with all of this drama! I am sure we will wind up with enough drama because that’s how life goes – now having dozens of family members to add to it just sounds like a nightmare!
Not tacky, but my ex and his wife got married on a boat on the lake. It seems like a great idea in a picturesque New England town…except that my older D gets seasick. Very seasick. She begged him to change his mind, but he wasn’t having it. I suspect his wife wanted what she wanted and that was that. D was about 10 at the time. She ended up spending the entire time laying on a bench down below with her grandmother-ex’s mother-comforting her. I have no doubt that this is only one of the reason D and her stepmother do not get along…
^Yeah, PG, until your D decides to marry a guy with about twenty cousins! :). Our family is small, SIL’s is bigger, plus he had estranged parents. And we had a place with a hard cap of 100. And D has a lot of best friends. And also she did not want to exclude any children of invited guests. Luckily, there weren’t many possible ones, and we managed to manage the guest list without hurting too many feelings (my co-MIL has since indicated she was sorry she couldn’t invite family friends,) but we left it up to D and SIL to manage their respective border lines.
Do what works for you…
But that moment when my S saw his bride for the first time in front of 100 family and friends as the doors in the back of the church opened? Priceless. They were both adamant they didn’t see either other before the church ceremony.
The church ceremony finished at 5:10pm and bride and groom only greeted wedding guests on their way out. After that, the bridal party and the parents drove 8 minutes away to a beautiful party where we took some photos and then were back across town at the venue by 6:30pm. Guests were probably not at the venue more than 30-40ish minutes without the bridal party and they had some light food ready to enjoy, the bar was open and light music was playing. I thought that was reasonable.
If it’s important to the bride and groom to have the tradition of not seeing each other prior to the ceremony - then that is what they should do. And yes, also be respectful of the guests .
First cousins are invited but not their children. In our case it made no sense to exclude 4 out of 30 first cousins because they happened to be in eighth grade rather than in high school. If it had been half and half it becomes understandable. It’s also understandable if they are much younger. The reception was not a sit down dinner and these four would not have changed a thing. If none of their cousins had been invited it would have been fine but that was not the case.
The two girls of the four not invited were invited to the shower where my sister in law (mother of the bride) looked right at my daughter and niece and told them something about the wedding followed by “oh yeah, you won’t get to see that cause you’re not invited”
I had a no kids wedding except for ALL of my own nieces and nephews. It was all or nothing where they were concerned. To exclude 4 of 30 is tacky and hurtful.