@garland sorry you don’t like the title. But really…this was a spinoff from another thread where folks were discussing things they thought were tacky at weddings.
Thus the title.
As PG noted upstream…it’s actually morphed into a “what we like or do” vs “what we don’t like or do” thread.
Although there are a few hilarious tacky wedding posts.
But don’t you think it is interesting to hear what other people think is in good taste or bad taste? Even if you don’t agree, it is interesting to hear the opinions of others across the country and from other cultures.
Being somewhat socially clueless, I give a wide berth to whatever people want to do for their weddings.
One event for me that was “curious” was a wedding I attended about 30 years ago. The reception was in a one story reception hall with a fake staircase that went right up to the corner of the ceiling. There was a fake door up there where the entire wedding party could “hide” before being introduced. We were temporarily shooed out of the hall so that the wedding party could ascend the “staircase” The “MC”, who sounded like he was more of a nightclub guy, kept saying “put your hands together for bridesmaid X and groomsman Y”. “Finally, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for bridegroom and bride as they descend into their new life.” They then walked out of the door where I swear they must have been crouching so the could descend the staircase. It was like the sight gag where as they went down each stair they got closer and closer to being able to stand up straight. It was one of the those moments where I was looking at the crowd who seemed to used to this and I was more like, wow.
Also not a huge fan of the makeout session for “You may kiss the bride”.
Yes, you may, but I don’t need to see your tongues.
As a participant, I found the clinking of the glasses with silverware annoying while I was trying to actually eat a bit of food at my own wedding. On the other hand, we had an outdoor reception in mid-June on a day of record heat, 97 degrees. The ham seemed to turn green in the reflection of the sun on white tablecloths. Maybe they were trying to save me.
I confess to doing something for my wedding that I thought was okay but later felt was tacky. I had a “B” list of potential guests to extend invitations to if a lot of people from the A list declined. We ended up inviting the B list guests and to my embarrassment I think some of them knew they hadn’t made the first cut. The A list/B list thing is supposed to be okay according to the etiquette books but I wish I hadn’t done it.
If we start confessing our own bad manners, I’ll need my very own multi page thread and it will go on for years and years while I remember all the things I did all the times I did them.
ETA: I substituted bad manners for tacky, because really as garland points out tacky is an eye of beholder kind of thing. I think there may be an intersection between manners and taste but I’m not sure. I like to think there isn’t. But it is sure complicated.
I agree it’s interesting to hear what people think is acceptable or not. I guess I just am not a fan of the pronouncement of tacky, or bad taste, etc, in general. Because there is really no objective definition. But, okay, I’m fascinated by what others’ think, so okay. 
I do think there’d been a tiny bit of classism (pointing out that the offending groom in one case is a factory worker, like that explains it, for example ) though I don’t see that in the great majority of the posts…
But the morphing into a general-- “huh, how about that!”, and the many lovely stories, have been great.
I not only think it’s interesting, I think it is really educational and useful. How can something correct in one culture possibly be in bad taste?
JHS just explained what has been described to me by others as saving face in wedding planning. His explanation is so much better. Now I get it.
My whole sense of etiquette has been challenged since I started reading these CC wedding threads some years back. And that has been a very good thing.
I’m happy to attend any wedding, and always love the sense of joy and optimism - time truly stops for a day for the couple. The only really dreadful wedding I’ve attended was that of a well paid employee of my husband’s years ago. The reception was held on the property of the couple’s apartment complex in a large tent. Everyone was instructed to bring casual clothes to change into for late afternoon volleyball, etc. We all started out dressed for the church ceremony. Unfortunately, it started raining after everyone was in the tent - it was mid-september and it turned very chilly, so no one changed and there was no volleyball. The food was ice cold, too. The wringer - the only bathroom was in the couple’s apartment a five minute walk away, where they hadn’t bothered to put out towels for the 150 people using their bathroom…only the couple’s wet shower towels were available for the guests to use. They hadn’t even cleaned the bathroom. The groom’s family owned a lovely home on the water where it could have been held, but we heard that they didn’t want such an imposition. Everyone felt abused and taken for granted - we all stopped at Dunkin Donuts for hot coffee on the way home.
I just think that couples should keep in mind that they are hosts, and they need to prioritize the experience of their guests, not themselves. I don’t like the “royalty for a day” tendency that is fed by media and magazines. One’s guests and family should not be treated like the cast in one’s personal fantasy. It just doesn’t end well. Most etiquette rules really boil down to making sure that your guests feel comfortable and appreciated.
I totally agree NJSue!
Oh, I remember a tacky gift-we got a used ice cream scooper, hastily shoved into an opened plastic bag, from one of MIL’s friends who was a wedding guest. She was mortified and still talks about it to this day.
One wedding we went to (co-workers of my H) I asked the bride if I could bring my younger daughter, who was 4 months old at the time and exclusively nursing (I was never able to pump successfully). We left our 2 year old with the grandparents, and our younger one slept peacefully through the entire event. Some old biddy came up to me and tried to shame me for bringing the baby.
I told her “the bride said it was fine, so it’s fine.” It’s a good thing I didn’t really tear into her-turns out it was H’s boss’s wife…
Everyone needs to just mind their own freaking business!
We inadvertently brought our children to a cousin’s wedding that they were not invited to. The invitation was to “The Rhododendrons.” The RSVP card was already filled out with “The Rhododendrons” and had two boxes, will attend and will not attend, with no obvious place for a number and we didn’t think anything of it.
When it was time to sit for dinner, it slowly became clear that the table for 8 was seating for 8 adults with no chairs for our 2 kids or another cousin’s 2 kids. Oops. The four extra kids were all young enough for high chairs, so we set them up and fed them off our plates.
I guess I could blame the bride and groom if two families independently made the same assumption?
The bride and groom made no comment about the fact that the kids were unexpected. They even included the little ones in formal pics of the extended family.
This brought tears to my eyes. Sounds like a beautiful event!
There is a rural branch of our family where weddings include some of the “tacky” things mentioned here. I actually think it is tacky during the dollar dance when some of the guests look so horrified. Hey, it is only a dollar - go for it and don’t be so judgy.
No one has mentioned the tradition of the wedding party going to a roadside bar for a drink in between the ceremony and the reception. Maybe that is a Wisconsin thing.
When my mom got remarried and I was 6, the 3 of us walked down the aisle together (with me in the middle). And when it came time for the wine, my new dad took some, passed the cup to me, I had a few drops, and then gave it to my mom. I honestly and truly thought the 3 of us were getting married, and it wasn’t I was a lot older that I figured it out.
Unless you run away to Vegas alone, there’s no wedding too small for family drama. A close family member had it at a wedding with under 20 people. Every bad example from my rude-guest post happened at that event – with the same guests. They pitched a fit about not being invited; when invited, pitched a fit about getting special food; when promised the special food (at great expense), complained that others would be eating noncompliant foods at the same table; and finally showed up almost an hour late. The couple delayed the ceremony for them for about half an hour, but the officiant had Knicks tickets, so we had to get underway. True story. They finally walked in as the ceremony was ending.
Done it many times.
Not tacky. Tradition.
@Hanna I’d be perfectly happy if D ran away to Vegas, as long as DH and I were invited. Throwing a wedding is nothing but landmines with a good chance that a lot of people are going to be upset no matter what you do!
I’m really trying to think about that roadside bar tradition as just another interesting cultural difference, with no judginess about the taste level … I really am …