I think I might have posted this on another wedding thread but one of my coworkers attended an out of town wedding a while back where the groom was so hungover from the bachelor party the night before that 15 minutes into his full on Catholic wedding the priest had to have a chair brought to the altar because he was unable remain standing. For the rest of the hour long mass he sat in that chair looking green. If I hadn’t seen the pictures I wouldn’t have believed it.
Apparently the reception was somewhat subdued given that the groom and groomsmen were all in a fair amount of trouble…
"I’m really trying to think about that roadside bar tradition as just another interesting cultural difference, with no judginess about the taste level … I really am "
I’m with you. I have a friend who grew up in a small Wisconsin town, literally living over the roadside bar as her parents owned it. Both were, of course, alcoholics, the patrons in the bar were up to no good (making the daughter dance for them - Yeesh). She won’t even tell me half of it, because I suspect there’s been substantial therapy involved to deal with it. I also suspect you could make a Lifetime movie about growing up in such an environment. Thank god she escaped. That may be “tradition” but to me it feels like just one more excuse for people who really shouldn’t be drinking to have yet another drink. My immediate reaction is seedy and tawdry, tbh. This is a different emotion from simply “oh, it’s not our custom to (have gift tables/give cash/invite kids/have a dollar dance/whatever).”
@frazzled1 wrote: “One family’s tacky may be another family’s prized tradition and it’s hard to backpedal from generations of weddings having been done a certain way.”
This.
So glad I stayed away from threads like this prior to our son’s wedding a few months ago.
I’d hate to think that there are people in the corner judging anyone else’s wedding. Most people are doing their best.
I went to a wedding where the bride was so stoned she couldn’t recognize many of the guests. It was really uncomfortable for everyone. The older generation was obviously not pleased. After dinner, they danced the first dance and the hora and then most of the guests bolted for the exits like a fire alarm rang.
I think we can all agree that some of the things on this thread nicely fall into the “tacky” category. Other items fall into “your idea of tacky, my idea of tradition”.
All a “perfect” wedding means is that you (bride or family or wedding planner or whoever was in charge) were an amazing event planner - but I would say it’s the stories - of little things gone wrong or a little bit of drama or a slight faux pas - that makes an imperfect wedding “perfect” - and perfect for stories later!
If you were satisfied with how your family wedding went, then no matter - please don’t be offended - someone is always judging because well, everyone has a different opinion of what a wedding “should” be!!!
Someone above spoke about a hungover groom from the bachelor’s party the night before - night before? BAD IDEA! - that is one improvement perhaps these days - the bachelor/bachelorette parties are often days or weeks before the wedding!
And THOSE parties could be a whole other thread!!!
I invited my middle schooler to his cousin’s wedding and have always wondered if I was considered tacky. The bride’s younger sisters, same age as my kid and his lifelong playmates, were the attendents. Afternoon wedding and recption, no alcohol, no sit down dinner, brides family could easily afford one extra guest. We drove 8 hours to get there staying in hotel. I was not going to leave kid at home or all day in hotel.
This family doesn’t always follow the generally accepted rules of thoughtfulness - we have never been thanked for wedding gifts for their daughters. So, I decided to simply ignore the “Mr and Mrs” address and add my own “and Kidsname”. Guests were asked to call with RSVP. I called and bubbled on and on about how happy I was for bride, how nice of family to think of us and there would be three of us in atendance. Worked out fine, but I have always wondered if the invite inadvertently left out Kids-name or if it was intentional! We’ve since attended other weddings in that family with all names clearly included and our relationships with all members of that family are still great.
Fun thread. Dh and I were the 13th wedding in 13 months so, by the time ours came around, we had figured out much of what we believed worked and didn’t. Just a comment about the awkward break between the ceremony and reception…back in our day, we had the ceremony and then pictures occurred during the cocktail hour which was close to an hour. We did the photos with the whole wedding party first so people could join part of the cocktail hour. Dh and I didn’t attend at all and were then “announced” as Mr. and Mrs. when everyone was seated for dinner. I think this was somewhat common back then. Not sure if anyone does it this way now and, of course, ceremony and reception need to be in the same location but this is one way around that awkward break if the bride and groom elect to not see one another before the ceremony.
Here’s a pathetic personal wedding story. At my first wedding (right out of college), I had three bridesmaids. Two were in my home town, one was several hours away. One evening the two local bridesmaids took me to dinner (lol, to Red Lobster, which was the “fancy” place in town), then after we got back to the house, each gave me a gift. THEN, they told me that my bridal shower was supposed to have been that night. They sent invitations but no one could come.
Pool things! What an awkward spot they were in. I’m sure they wanted me to know that they were good bridesmaids and tried to give me a shower. But it hurt me (I still remember 35 years later!) to know that no one could/would come to my shower.
I’m not saying what they did was tacky; I put them into a bad situation.
In the weddings I’ve been to that involved a stop at a bar, not everyone goes (usually the wedding party 25-35 year olds) and it is for one beer between church and reception. Why? Because it is a favorite bar where we had celebrated a lot of things (drinking age in Wisconsin was 18 we I lived there) and as I said, tradition. You could get anywhere in town in 5 minutes and the reception didn’t start for an hour. Often we didn’t even have the beer, just took a picture by the sign, outside the bar where you couldn’t drink (more likely to get a ticket for drinking in the street than anything else in town so we didn’t do it.). One bride didn’t want to go inside so picked a bar with a patio and just stayed there.
Not really that different than taking a picture in a spot in town where everyone does it.
@collage1, photos for the bridal party during cocktails and hors d’oeuvres for the guests is how we managed it back in our day, and how my two older daughters managed it during their weddings in 2011 and 2014. And how d3 plans to manage it in 2017, so it’s not completely outdated yet.
I thought the professional photographers handled it very well - they quickly did large family groups, then broke them into smaller/more immediate family groups, then sent those folks off to the reception and got the mixed bridal party together (bridesmaids/groomsmen had been done separately before the ceremony), then photographed the bride and groom until it was time for them to be introduced. Our kids haven’t gotten to the cocktail receptions until the very end, but the guests have had a good time and we have some great photos.
The photogs and their assistants were really good at crowd control, which apparently is almost as important as their photography skills.
I gather that First Look is a trend now. Would that break the seal, so to speak, so that wedding-party photos involving the bride & groom could be taken before the ceremony?
After the ceremony, we got the wedding party and immediate family all together in my parents’ kitchen while we signed the license. After signing the license, we all took a shot together. We weren’t following any tradition and I’m not even sure who passed out the glasses and alcohol. We then all got on a bus and went to a bay to take pictures. (The guests stayed behind and enjoyed appetizers that I never got to eat lol)
I also think that if there is going to be a bar, the couple must provide a shuttle for guests. I’ve seen way too many people drive out of a wedding very drunk
I was a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. The groom’s family invited all 200+ wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner at nice restaurant. We were assigned tables and ordered off of the menu. It happened to be the 30th birthday of the groom’s sister and the dad made a big, public deal about handing her a check during the dinner. While the guests were enjoying coffee and dessert the dad stood up and announced that he had to get Grandma back to the hotel. Each table was soon presented with their check!
I could not agree more. I particularly dislike the notion that it’s “the bride’s big day.” It is NOT the bride’s day-it is a celebration of two individuals joining their lives together in the presence of those whom they love. Wedding as Queen for a Day or Beauty Pageant of One where everyone is required to basically worship at the alter of The Bride and to hell with everyone else is really offensive to me. I’ve seen it a couple of times in real life (in addition to the TV shows, lol), and I just really felt sorry for the groom’s family, and for that matter, kind of lost respect for the groom for allowing it.
@Hanna , I get your story about rude wedding guests. But if I imagine the further detail that the couple in question were close relatives of one or the other principals who were also observant Jews, who would only eat kosher food and could not travel on Saturday evening until a certain hour, the story becomes maybe a little more nuanced.
One of my many cousins had an ultra-fancy Saturday night wedding at the Pierre, and the ceremony didn’t start until 9:30 pm, because the groom’s contingent of Orthodox cousins couldn’t leave Brooklyn until the third star had appeared in the sky. The invitation said 7:30, and everyone else was there at 7:00. No pre-ceremony hors d’oeuvres, either. Muttering definitely happened, but no one believed they were being rude. It was more poor planning on the couple’s part, who should have known better.
Growing up I was always told that marriage is not just the celebration of two people but the joining of two families. At the same time I have no problem with pampering the bride and groom on their wedding day. It is supposed to be one of the most memorable days of their lives. Usually the day is so rushed that the couple forgets to enjoy it because they are worried about making sure that everything goes according to plan. Just be in the moment and enjoy it. Doesn’t matter if it is not 100% perfect.
Wow–never heard of having rehearsal dinner guests pay their own tab. Wonder how it went if folks didn’t bring wallet and purse!!! Yikes! I wouldn’t think I’d need it if invited to such an event.
lol)