When we got to our hotel room after our reception, DH and I had to order a pizza because we were starving. We never took the time to eat because we were so busy greeting all of our guests. Yeah, if I had it to do over again, I would have eaten some of the food we spent so long choosing and agonizing over. 
I enjoyed eating the food at our wedding and loved dancing. I had a blast and folks came to say goodbye on the dance floor.
@Nrdsb4 I hear that a lot. So many couples complain that they never got to taste the food. People always used to tell us you never get to enjoy your own wedding with all the anxiety around the event.
Oh, baseballmom, I think that fits perfectly into the “tacky wedding things” category!
swimcatsmom: I do not actually recommend this as the solution (obviously), but your post about being put on the spot to highlight your favorite Bible verse as you entered brought immediately to my mind John 11:35.
(“Jesus wept.” That is John 11:35 in its entirety.)
This was a Saturday lunch event. These rude guests aren’t so observant that they don’t travel on Shabbat. No other relatives of that distance were invited because none browbeat/shamed the couple into making an exception. We’re not talking about the mother of the bride.
Why is it any different to ask for a kosher meal vs. any other special diet, other than the kosher meal being five times more expensive? All special diets reflect either a moral imperative or a health imperative (or a social trend, but I’ll be charitable to those folks today). Those are serious matters. But I don’t think guests – especially uninvited guests! – should get to dictate the menu. You don’t have to eat anything that’s served; nor do you have to come if the whole event is distasteful to you. If you’re a vegan Buddhist, maybe you turn down an invite to a luau if it’s going to upset you. Don’t show up just to glare your disapproval.
I don’t think it is, or should be, the job of the couple to be the hosts. Even if they did all the planning, paying, and inviting. There really should be someone else in that role for the event itself. It doesn’t have to be a Festival of Them, or Princess for a Day, but someone other than the bride should be responsible for making people feel welcome.
We live in an area where it’s not all that uncommon for people to list or be asked their favorite Bible verses. Son’s is terrific:
I think that at D’s wedding, my H and I shared hosting with the wedding couple. I think that they ate, and i know they danced their feet off. (I’d have been happy to have shared it with the groom’s family, but the disfunction dynamics there were beyond my pay grade, and I let them play that out among themselves, lol.)
Interesting question about hosting. Back in the day, I think the bride’s parents were considered the hosts, which fits in with the invitation format at that time: “Mr and Mrs. John Jones invite you to the wedding of their daughter Suzy Louise …” So both paying for the event and issuing invitations would indicate that they were the responsible parties for making guests feel welcome and comfortable. These days there are more permutations. Kids paying for the wedding, perhaps with some help from one or both sets of parents, is pretty common from what I gather. Invitations are often issued in the couple’s names, not the parents’. All I know is that when D gets married, that stuff won’t matter. I will offer to do all of the traditional hosting duties or as many as she wants, so that she and her groom can enjoy their day to the utmost. (I say that knowing that a big elaborate wedding would be anathema to her. 
)
I agree; interesting question about hosting. Some of it is going to fall on the shoulders of people who have the personality to do it, I would think. I know there are some wedding planners that run some weddings like a well-oiled machine, that could take the place of the traditional hosting role?
Or are wedding planners tacky? (sorry, had to keep it on topic)
I think the wedding planners take care of the logistics and issues that might crop up to leave the family free for ‘hosting’ - making guests feel welcome and appreciated.
I don’t think the wedding planner can play the hosting role.
Wedding planners and coordinators are for the behind the scenes logistics, but ideally someone – the couple, the couple’s parents, other members of the family, close friends, or some combination of the above – are there from the very beginning of the reception to greet guests warmly, make introductions across family and friend lines, make people feel welcomed and comfortable, etc.
I think this really is a role best played by the couple and their parents, and that’s why I hate when pictures are taken during the cocktail hour. That’s the prime mingling time and time when hosting duties are most needed and appreciated, especially if there’s a sit down dinner that follows.
I know lots of people disagree but that’s my opinion. (I completely agree that the couple should not be bogged down by logistical issues; that’s where a coordinator or trusted friend comes in. But that’s not the important part of hosting).
I think a lot of people try to pull off a huge formal wedding without realizing how hard it is to do. We live in a very casual culture and most people have no clue how to entertain 12 formally, let alone 150. But they try to do it at a wedding.
It’s better to have a simpler, smoothly run event than an elaborate mess.
H and I along went to every table (after the dinner and before dancing started) and thanked everyone for coming to the wedding. It didn’t take much time–we had about 120 or so guests.
Only strange guest was my niece’s H who was following the waiters during the cocktail hour where we had passed appetizers. He would take two servings, eat them immediately and then gknd anotjer server amd go back for more. My sister-in-law was horrified.
I attended a wedding where the FOG had passed away about 2 years earlier. Having lost my father before my wedding, I understand the feeling of loss and a desire to acknowledge a missing loved one. This couple, however, had speeches about the father and a candle ceremony at the reception. It went on and on. Frankly I have been to funerals with less focus on the deceased. Lots of us felt depressed and just plain awkward.
We had a large evening wedding with open bar. We did not invite children.
Two examples of bad guests happened: A group of my coworkers decided that instead of getting up to go to the bar for drinks, they ordered bottles of champagne at the table - multiple expensive bottles of champagne beginning at dinner and going through the reception. The waitstaff brought them (the manager apparently came over and told them that the bar was open with no charge but there would be an additional expense for bottles brought from the cellar but then apparently they still brought them??) – and then presented my parents with a bill for 5 bottles at the end of the night – I picked up that tab and grit my teeth when I heard the stories back at work of the “champagne flowing all night”.
We had other guests, my cousins, who asked for 3 to-go meals from the waitstaff to take home for their children-- 2 prime rib and one chicken – their children were toddlers and school age and not invited so no meal was ever ordered for them. The reception did not end until after 1 am - what were they planning to do with the meals? The manager came over and asked my parents how to handle the request - my parents didn’t want to make a scene so told him to go ahead and make 3 extra meals and box them up – of course we were charged for 3 complete restaurant meals…I was furious when I heard the next day.
Tacky wedding guests.
Amazingly rude guests is what I’d call it!
@novicemom23kids The manager was in the wrong as well as your coworkers for that champagne. He should have known better or asked for their credit card before bringing the bottles over. Bad form all around.
One more thank you note story - My walking partner and I were talking about this very subject tonight as we were taking our beach walk. She went to a wedding last year (Cousin’s D) were everyone, at the end of the reception, was handed a pre printed thank you note thanking them for attending the wedding and for bringing a gift. Apparently, MOB was certain her daughter was going to flake on the thank you notes and was determined that something was going to go out, even if she had to do them herself!