The traditions that we followed in the past are now being adapted with the new generation. For example instead of a wedding cake having a dessert bar. Including mom and other family members at the bachelorette party. Wearing other colors beside white or ivory. Having a wedding where everyone wears white. Sending an evite and tracking rsvp’s online. Giving the couple cash instead of traditional wedding gifts. Instead of the father of the bride giving a speech the couple thanks all the guests for coming and gives their own speech. We may feel any changes to what has always been done as different or not the norm. For us these changes may appear tacky but for the younger generation these changes are very practical.
@hrh19 We’re long time friends of groom’s parents. I think they looked on missing wedding party quite indulgently. They were quite the partiers back in the day. Don’t remember anyone taking pot smoking breaks at their wedding though.
Say Yes to the Dress is tacky, tacky, tacky. Everything about it is tacky. And a lot of those dresses are just icky. (please ignore the fact that I must watch it to know this, but…)
This doesn’t perfectly fit in with the “tacky” aspect, but a very good friend called me today about her Goddaughter’s outdoor wedding & reception…in July…in NY…where it will be horribly hot and sticky. There will be elderly people there (and probably an ambulance on stand-by!!!). And, they expect people to dress in wedding attire.
This isn’t a cost-saving choice. This is simply the choice of the wedding couple. Even the bride’s mother is concerned for her OWN health because she’s older and has had many health issues.
Aren’t bridal couples the least concerned about the comfort of their guests?
“We had other guests, my cousins, who asked for 3 to-go meals from the waitstaff to take home for their children-- 2 prime rib and one chicken”
WOW! That is spectacular chutzpah.
The day of my sister’s outdoor ceremony turned out to be in the middle of a heat wave. Thank God the rest of the festivities were indoors, but there was some walking involved from the parking to the ceremony site and from the ceremony site to the cocktail area.
We were very concerned about the heat. We ended up buying, at the last minute, paper parasols (cheapest ones available), cases of those medical cold packs (bought in bulk very cheaply), cheap paper fans, and small aerosol cans of water that we got cheap at a dollar store that people could use as their own personal mister. We set up stations with cold water at the parking area and as people parked we gave them cold water, a parasol per couple, and a little care package with the rest of the stuff in them. We also set up another water station at the ceremony site and gave everyone another bottle of cold water as they arrived at the ceremony. Elderly and infirm could park right at the ceremony site but it was a bit of a walk for everyone else.
The cold packs were a big help. In what was probably overkill, my mom used cheap muslin to sew a little pouch for each guest and then sewed ribbons on it so that people could slip the cold pack in the pouch and tie it around their neck for the ceremony. That was a little goofy but having the cold pack against the back of the neck helped to cool people down.
And, truth be told, the officiant cut down the ceremony from what had been planned because of the heat.
We were running around like chickens with our heads cut off in the days leading up to the wedding to pull all this together but it was well worth the added expense and trouble to give the guests at least a little comfort.
If you are worried about particular elderly guests, you might want to cart along a few of these items yourself and discreetly provide them to your elderly relatives if you see them getting hot.
Well, my wedding reception was outdoors (under a tent) in the greater NYC area on July 6th. We expected people to dress accordingly, and they did. Linen and cotton dresses, etc. It isn’t always hot and sticky in July, although obviously one is taking a chance. I don’t think that people are obliged to have their weddings indoors in air-conditioned premises, depending on the climate. We didn’t have any aged and infirm guests.
Of course, we had a thunderstorm and downpour during the ceremony at the (un-airconditioned) old chapel next door. Thankfully it was over by the time we all emerged.
Outdoor weddings are pretty common, and probably most so in summer. I would expect people to dress in summer weights, and I for one wouldn;t mind an older gent taking off his jacket to stay cool.
My D’s out door June wedding was a very short ceremony, and she told people there was no dress code.
I have not been able to contribute until now and my post is not about a tacky wedding thing, per se, but maybe poor etiquette. We received a thank you note yesterday from a bride that was a printed picture card saying, " Thank you! Your gift was very much appreciated!" Nothing handwritten at all and no mention of what we gave them. I guess it’s better than not getting a thank you note at all, and it was done within a month and the picture was cute, but still… We did similar cards for our kids when they had graduation parties, but they took the time to write a couple of sentences on the back and sign them.
Back to the discussion about the lag between the wedding and reception. That may well be an East Coast thing, but in our area it’s not about booked places, it’s simply getting some pictures taken. I think it’s not a big deal if there is something to do between the church and the reception and it helps if people from out of town have a hotel near the reception location - they can at least take that time to check in and chill for a little bit. Our daughter is getting married in the late fall so there won’t be many outdoors pictures and she’s not into the whole photo shoot aspect anyway so there will be just over an hour between the ceremony and the reception. That will just give people enough time to drive to the reception venue, check in to their hotel if needed, and walk to the venue. I’m guessing that we in the wedding party will just hit the tail end of the cocktail hour.
I also think that the weather in NYC, just like everywhere in the US these days, could be cool or it could be cooking! The ten day forecast is showing a high of 88 and a low of 66. Here’s hoping for 75!
Back in the day - early '80s - for my own wedding, my mother was insistent that photos be taken before the wedding. That way the guests and bridal party went directly from church to reception with just standard transport time. Maybe this was a regional custom? Pictures after the ceremony do seem more the norm. I was given no option for Hubby-to-be to be surprised by my bridal attire!
Re the hot and humid. Relative insisted on out door wedding beside a lake despite a covered overlook area on the venue property with seating and air conditioning. That wasn’t “private” enough. Guests in wedding attire drove to a dock and walked along a gravel road to her spot. There were two elderly (nearly age 90) guests and one younger guest with MS. The elderly were driven in with chairs provided - the rest of us stood. Husband of the guest with MS (walks with cane and difficulty) insisted and they found another chair. Despite the private area, a canoe load of 20 somethings went by and stopped to view the ceremony. They were respectful and quiet, but due to their prime viewing location, are also in every photo shot taken of the ceremony. In fairness, I do have to say that the rest of the reception and plans for the destination event were well-considered and lovely.
Wow–having uninvited canoers in all my wedding shots after such elaborate planning would be a bummer, but I guess life happens. Glad everyone was able to get to the special outdoor wedding spot, @momofadult. It sounds like it was a bit arduous for several of the guests.
^^That’s what Photoshop is for! 
Betcha my bikini-clad fat, white body sunbathing on the beach in Ko Olina was photoshopped out of every wedding photo taken on that beach (the chapel is right on the beach, and every day there was a couple or two doing photo sessions with the sunbathers and swimmers in the background).
Taking notes on this as my oldest son will (likely) be getting married next summer. . .
I come from a big clan with lots of cousins, and have been to about 50 weddings. Family weddings are usually like reunions, with lots of kids and all cousins invited. (I can see that S’s guest list is going to be an issue–as S has about 60 aunts uncles, first cousins. . .)
The biggest “don’ts” in my notebook (from attending all those weddings) are
#1 Don’t have a stand up reception. Make sure you have enough chairs, tables and space for everyone to sit down. People get tired of being on their feet and will start fighting over the few chairs/leave early/have bad memories of the event.
2 Don't serve "just hors d'oeurves"--people are hungry and want a meal.
3 Don't take hours for the photos if guests are waiting at the reception hall. Guests want to see the bride and groom at the reception--and B&G should greet all the guests.
4 Make sure the music isn't painfully loud. (Always that way. Why? Are all DJs/musicians hard of hearing?)
5 Don't be inconsiderate of your wedding party. Try to minimize their expenses. And don't be too demanding about their appearance. If you want someone in the wedding party--accept him/her the way he/she is--not "only if he/she loses 30lbs/keeps tattoos covered/removes nose ring," etc. (some on CC might remember the story of the best man who was asked to shave off his beard--for sake of photos--refused, got into an argument with the groom/bride, and didn't attended the wedding. He was replaced last minute by bride's cheating/abusive but clean-shaven now-ex-brother-in-law. . .) About expenses--must an unemployed bridesmaid purchase another pair of shoes because hers are "a shade off" when they'll be mostly covered by a long gown (that she paid $$$ for and $$ for alterations. . .)?? Thank your wedding party members and give them a photo of the wedding party afterward. (Directing your wedding party members to a site where they can purchase a photo--after they spent $$$ on transportation, clothes, etc., is tacky, imo. I guess no one does this anymore, but when I was young, if you were in the wedding party, you were given a photo with thank-you note afterward.)
I’ve been to many kinds of wedding receptions–everything from cake/kool-aid in the church basement, volleyball picnics, karaoke, potlucks, to no-expense-spared blowouts. Different classes/cultures/ethnicities, etc. Nothing really surprises me.
Some of the “tacky” things I’ve seen: Weird invitations: One “western themed” wedding–“Come to Our Hitchin’”-- church wedding. Another invite was simply a hand-written photo copied lined sheet of notebook paper. It specified a dress code for the guests–“No topless dresses.” (I’m sure they meant strapless. Very conservative religious couple–they spent their “honeymoon” at a monastery! ) Recent one–younger sister of the bride made a water-color invite, and that was copied. The copies were professionally done, but the kid’s handwriting/painting was very sloppy and crooked–she didn’t know cursive well. Some of the letters were incorrectly formed, making them look like other letters, so many words at first glance appeared misspelled This might have been “cute” for a little girl’s birthday party, but it really didn’t seem to fit with a formal evening wedding. My friend’s sister had a Disney themed church wedding. The wedding party all wore Mickey Mouse ears. OK if your wedding is at Disney World, I guess, but just seems to take away from the solemnity of a church wedding.
Bad singers at the ceremony-- Please do not “honor” friends or family members who can’t sing very well, or groups who never got together to rehearse, with the job of wrecking your ceremony and making your guests cringe. What about silly dances at the reception? I pretty much expect these–like Gangnam Style, Macarena, Cotton Eyed Joe, the Chicken Dance, etc., but OMG at one reception there was an “R-rated” Hokey Pokey. NOOOO!
Personally, I like the bouquet toss and don’t really know when it became “tacky.” (No one is required to participate–I’ve never seen anyone “wrestling” for the flowers.) I’m sort of disappointed if it is not done. I see why some people have issues with the garter toss. I did have this at my wedding–It has been done at most weddings I’ve been to–goes along with the bouquet toss (one for the girls/one for the guys). I haven’t seen anything that sleazy–no teeth/head under dress antics. The groom can just toss a garter without publically removing it from the bride’s leg–I’ve seen that a couple times–eliminates the sleaze factor. I don’t like the dollar dance and wouldn’t have it at my Ds’ weddings, but understand it is a must-have tradition for some.
“#1 Don’t have a stand up reception. Make sure you have enough chairs, tables and space for everyone to sit down.”
Who does this?? Never heard of such a thing!
^ I think a few people mentioned this upthread.
@lololu I have the same guilty pleasure, and I swear a lot of those dresses look like fancy streetwalker outfits, especially the unlined ones. I mean, come ON!. Do you REALLY want to look like a hooker on your wedding day? 
Some wedding observations from recent years…
Oh, forgot one. I don’t know if this was tacky, but it was plenty awkward.
So the bridal couple were older, in their sixties, and they apparently wanted to celebrate long-lived marriages. During the reception the announcer called: “All married couples onto the dance floor.” DH and I looked apprehensively at each other, because we do not dance. Ever. We tried to shrink into our seats, but the bride pointed us out, and the announcer said, “Hey, you two over there! Onto the floor!”
Once all married couples were assembled, the music started, with DH and me shuffling along as best we could, way at the back of the floor where we were pretty invisible. After a minute, the announcer said: “If you’ve been married less than a year, leave the floor.” A few minutes later, “Less than five years, leave the floor.” You can see where this is going. Finally, it was down to us and one other couple, dancing (badly) in front of all of those people. The other couple finally won, and we fled from the stage.
Long marriage is a wonderful thing, and we were good sports and laughed as if we were enjoying it. But it was just embarrassing.
A tip: if you are hiring a DJ (or even a band), it is absolutely imperative to stress over and over that you want them ONLY to play music and not to talk – not to do any “emcee-ing” at all. I’ve been at weddings where the brides were horrified by DJs doing stuff like LasMa describes when that was not something that the couple wanted AT ALL. DJs are worse offenders than live bands.
@nottelling This bride wanted it, or at least approved it. She loves to dance and I guess it never occurred to her that not everyone does.