I’ve decided it’s safest just not to go to weddings of people I don’t know, and send nothing 
Not even a nice bouquet of dried herbs and berries.
I would also think that the gravitation towards more expensive registry gifts is because many wedding couples are older and more established than a generation ago. Having already lived on their own, they have the basic kitchen and household items already. Also, many aren’t registering for things like silver these days. Those were always big ticket items back in the day.
We’re a one income household with one in college and another who will be starting in a year or two. We give what we can afford based on our budget. The size and formality of the event don’t matter. God help the couple who hopes we gift them the amount we’d spend on dinner out. I don’t eat much and I can’t drink so they might net 50 bucks, and that’s if I skip lunch.
I like to see different families’ traditions. As long as they aren’t rude to their guests or violate the first rule of hosting – make all your guests feel welcome *no matter what/i – they can do what they want. What I do find disagreeable is when one family uses their particular customs to prove they were raised “properly.” My BIL’s wedding planning was an unholy nightmare because both mom’s kept pulling out their etiquette books to do battle over every little detail. It was a first wedding for him and his fiancee but both were over 30-years-old, so I don’t know why they didn’t put a stop to it. It was unpleasant for everyone involved.
Funny, but my mother’s closest college friends did give me a basket of dried herbs and berries. I still have the basket.
My complaint is where the registry includes so many really inexpensive items, things that won’t last or maybe not even be memorable in the long run- a Pyrex measuring cup for $5.99, plastic cups, a toilet bowl brush holder shaped like a lighthouse. You really want those for wedding gifts? I guess so.
But I doubt picking one of those off the list will be good enough. I suppose the idea is to make a basket of things.
I suppose I could spring for a mathom (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/mathom), for anyone who is expecting the plate to be covered. Still not going to the wedding.
(I have lots of items suitable for giving as mathoms. Cross-reference to sad drop-out from Bag-a-Week-Club thread. 
)
And wow, a toilet brush holder shaped like a lighthouse! Some things you simply have to buy! PS: Those items that you mentioned, lookingforward, kind of sound like shower gifts to me. And even, then, probably a few would be expected, rather than a single one.
Also, I would like a nice bouquet of dried herbs and berries, if anyone gave me one. No occasion coming up that I can think of. Maybe my colleagues would all pitch in to get me one when I retire.
I don’t have a problem with some expensive gifts on the register. For example, I have some nieces and nephews that I don’t know all that well, in terms of knowing their tastes. A close-ish relative like that might get one of the more expensive items on the register. But there should be some on the list that are more reasonably priced, as well.
The lighthouse is really on D1’s friend’s list. I may point it out to her. But imagine going into the bathroom and thinking, Ah, my wedding gift! The gal has a toothbrush holder listed, too. I kind of ask myself, why bother listing these things, make your own trip to Target.
Yeah, though. One holiday, with time on my hands, I worked at Crate and Barrel. Lots of fun. But couples would come in, pick up the clicker and point at everything and anything, to build a list.
My daughter’s friend just got married. She just turned 21. She is young and had no idea what to register for, and her registry showed it. They had some very inexpensive games like scrabble, and some towels, and some wall decorations for $10 on her Target registry. On Amazon, a few more traditional things like a silverware set. I thought it was strange that she only requested 2 placesettings of her china, but got her one. She thought it was a service for 5, not a 5 piece placesettingand didn’t know it until the package arrived! I hope she returns it and gets what she wants.
My mother still has the ironing board she got for her wedding- 62 years ago. Some gifts really are useful.
lookingforward, you mentioned that “where it kicks is for guests who aren’t mired in that ‘custom’ but may be judged by it.” I agree with that, and I also think that it sort of kicks for the wedding couple if they think that “cover your plate” is a pretty standard expectation, and I am thinking, “They are inviting me to a monetary exchange, not a wedding.” If I know the couple, I can drop that view (admittedly, with some difficulty). I hope they would not think me “cheap.” $50 (cost of gift) is a perfectly fine wedding gift in my circles.
lol, about spotting the wedding gift in the bathroom when visiting! Everyone knows that the proper locale for wedding gifts is gathering dust on a high shelf in a cupboard!
Oh, I can also answer the “Why not just pick it up yourself at Target?” question, too. If you shop like me, you go into Target planning to pick up one item for $6.99 and come out with a basket full of things. You are probably better about shopping wisely, lookingforward.
@twoinanddone , I’m trying to imagine the look on most newly-wed’s faces if we gave them an ironing board today!
In just the past few posts, people have criticized registering for things that cost hundreds of dollars and things that cost $10 or less.
So do what you want. You can’t please everyone.
“My complaint is where the registry includes so many really inexpensive items, things that won’t last or maybe not even be memorable in the long run- a Pyrex measuring cup for $5.99, plastic cups, a toilet bowl brush holder shaped like a lighthouse. You really want those for wedding gifts? I guess so.”
I think those things are nice for the guests of lesser means, who can put a few together in a basket. Ok, maybe not the toilet brush holder, but still.
I remember a shower I went to for my BFF. I was early twenties, just married, was in the wedding and had hosted a shower at my home for her - everything homemade, as we couldn’t have afforded store bought. I got invited to another shower for her. I bought her pretty dish towels from her Crate and Barrel registry and folded them in a nice basket and tied a ribbon around it. It looked pretty and it was $20 (late 1980s). But it was really all I could afford.
I remember I registered for a set of 3 Pyrex measuring cups. Probably the set was $12-15. I remember who gave them to me–my friend who lived around the corner. One of the cups broke a few years ago so I replaced it. I still have the ones she gave me, stacked with the replacement. Use them several times a week. 22 years and counting.
Her husband made some decorative items for us that didn’t cost much bit were really neat. She told me that he thought the measuring cups were lame. He maybe tried a bit too hard to be a nonconformist at times. But we liked both of their gifts. The practical and the creative, for the young and broke.
Note to self: do NOT eat the stuffing at @lololu 's Thanksgiving dinner. 
(kidding.)
"In just the past few posts, people have criticized registering for things that cost hundreds of dollars and things that cost $10 or less.
So do what you want. You can’t please everyone."
My thoughts exactly. I’ve been making cakes and decorating them since I was 12. If someone had given me measuring cups or stainless mixing bowls for my wedding, I’d have been thrilled. Had someone given my sister a GC to her favorite fabric store, SHE’D have been thrilled.Had someone given my brother and his new wife tools (they own a construction company) THEY’D have been thrilled. I assume someone registered for measuring cups because they need them and people have asked them to register somewhere so they know what to get. Anyone offended by measuring cups can choose to go “off registry” and get something that doesn’t bother them.
And while I know the plural of anecdote is not data, fwiw, my mother was Italian, from NYC/NJ on both sides of her family, and there was plenty of money involved. These families did not “cover the plate” at weddings or any other formal occasion. I just had to mention that since it’s come up more than once on this thread that the cover your plate nonsense seems to be common among Italians from NY/NJ. Not all of them.
While it is common for Jewish people to give a check, I had never heard of “cover your plate” as being a Jewish thing. I had always heard it as a working class Italian thing. Fwiw, which may be nothing.
I’m guessing when the registry has many inexpensive items, they may be given for shower gifts. I know one guest at D’s hometown shower gave her a big box filled with baking pans, from Crate and Barrel. @lookingforward - I would love to work there.
When we went to showers in SIL’s hometown, those invitations requested guests send an amount of money and group gifts were purchased. This was something I had never done, but it is their way and I just went along. It felt weird at first, but it was just fine. At one shower, D and SIL were given their knives. At another, D was given Le Creuset items, a skillet and a Dutch oven, I think. These items would have been expensive for an individual giver, but things D and SIL love and use often. I have to admit that I love cooking and baking at D and SIL’s house - it is fun to use all that new stuff! I might enjoy it more than they do.
H and I still use many of our lovely wedding gifts. One thing we use often is a simple Pyrex pitcher given by one of H’s elderly coworkers. We remember her each time we use it. Another gift we received and still use is a crock filled with utensils (spatulas, etc.) given with love by my Sunday School students, who collected money for a group gift. Most of the utensils have been replaced, but that crock will be with me forever.
When I was a lowly intern, I use to make gifts. When my Close friend had a baby shower, I had made, crewel work, a cute frog on a yellow background, and framed it. She ended up decorating the baby room in yellow, with green trim. Yea, she didn’t know sex of baby. I made a Rapunzel crewel work for another friend.
When it is a local affair, I’d rather give a gift. I’d combine with my Mom or a friend for a special item.
The nice thing about a check is I know if it gets cashed. I stopped holding my breath for a thank you note.
I grew up in an area that was/is heavily Italian and working class. Never heard of it until cc.
Starting to suspect no one wants to claim this
Remember zoosermom? I seem to recall this was the custom in her circle, though I could easily be wrong.
Zooser’s daughter’s wedding was a week ago. Wonder how that went.