Not tacky, but awkward. We went to a wedding where, as we were walking into the venue, we were handed highlighters and told to highlight & initial our favorite bible verse in a huge bible. Awkward for us as we are not religious and, though I know a few scriptures, I don’t know numbers etc or where to find them. I felt very put on the spot by the supervisor in chief in charge of the highlighter who stood over us. My daughter, a bridesmaid, appeared and I whispered “do you know any” to which her response was “that’s what smart phones are for”. Tried that but having found one, discovered the bible was some new version where the words were quite different from my googled verse. I know I live in the bible belt, but a heads up would have been nice!
Tacky - the bridesmaid dresses at a wedding (different one) my daughter was bridesmaid at that made the bridesmaids look like disreputable saloon girls from the wild west (by which I mean the sort that would be selling there wares). They were really the most hideous outfits I’ve ever seen along with the cowboy boots with crosses cut out all over them. The bride wore a gorgeous elegant gown and didn’t look at all like a prostitute. (My daughter came up and asked me what I thought of the dress - I cautiously responded “what do you think of it”, her response, while struggling to keep her eyes open under the weight of the huge long false eyelashes she was made to wear (HUGE)," it’s hideous & I flat refused to wear the huge crinolene petticoat which made it look even worse").
It’s funny, it used to be a thing to actually display the wedding gifts before the wedding. You’ll find it in descriptions of fairly uppercrust weddings in fiction of the 30s and 40s. Now I think people would find it very tacky>>>>>>>>
It doesn’t go back that far. I remember this from the 60’s.
Our D was #3 of the cousins to get married. #1 and #2 had no kids weddings, though first cousins were invited and at #1’s the youngest cousins were 14. That made it easy for D and SIL. The venue they chose was not kid-friendly. I know this issue has caused hard feelings in some families.
That Bible verse thing is really weird. If you’re going to do something like that, do it at the reception and have it be totally optional. I’ve been to weddings where the ask people to write a personal note of some sort–stuff like “Share a favorite memory of the happy couple,” etc. But they will just have a book, or a box to drop notes in, and announce that they’d like people to do it before they leave. For a religious couple I can see where the Bible thing might be meaningful but I think putting your guests on the spot like that unexpectedly is rude.
I also wonder what the couple would have you do if you find your selected verse and someone else has already highlighted it? Write “me too” on the margins?
To me this is a tacky no kids wedding: cousin son (5 yrs old) is asked to be the ring bearer in an out of state wedding. The parents and boy get to the wedding only to find out that the ring bearer is not invited to the reception and there is no one available to babysit. Now communications on both parts would have helped but I really think that the entire wedding party should be at the reception. This one caused a lot of hard feelings.
@Onward , I agree, that is tacky. If you’re asking the kid to be in your wedding, you should certainly provide a sitter if you’re not going to invite him to the reception.
Soozievt post 47 - each table with a shopping bag from an upscale store, Saks, Neiman’s, Bloomingdale’s, etc reflecting the girl’s “hobby” of shopping. So totally inappropriate.
My first love in high school . . . . and then off and on in college (we went to different colleges about 10 hours apart, but never could quite let go of each other for the first couple of years) ended up marrying a factory worker and invited me to their wedding up in the mountains. I pulled up and his friends were in the parking lot with kegs of beer in the back of their pickup trucks getting drunk like it was a tailgate party. I think I was the only one in a suit, and I had to step over the horse droppings on the way to the card table chairs set up in a field because there was a wedding on horseback there before theirs and no one had cleaned it up.
I ran into her parents who couldn’t have been warmer and friendlier, but had done everything they could to discourage us when we were together because they felt we were too young and too close. Looking back, I can understand their concerns at the time, but I got the sense they were not happy with the current situation and were looking at me as the son-in-law who might have been. It was sort of a lesson to be careful about trying to break up your son or daughter from someone who might have been a pretty good match - because you could end up stepping over horse droppings to watch them marry someone else.
I think no kids is fine. Who wants a screaming baby or a toddler running around a ceremony? If a child is in the ceremony I do think they should be invited to the reception.
@katliamom, it was awful. When they got to the “speak now or forever hold your peace” part of the ceremony, I wanted to stand up and yell to stop the wedding, but not because thought we belonged together. We changed too much in college for it to ever work and we figured that out, but she is an incredible person who will always occupy a special place in my heart, and I think I just felt like she deserved more. (I’m leaving parts out where I met the husband once before, wasn’t too impressed and questioned if she was truly happy or just settling because she didn’t feel she deserved more.) After the best man made an incredibly crude toast that I don’t even want to repeat, I left.
I agree that it is not tacky to decide to hold “no kids” wedding. I think that is the prerogative of the couple. However, the post that mentions a five year old ring bearer in the wedding ceremony who is not then invited to the reception doesn’t sound right (or at least provide a sitter).
In D2’s wedding, the groom’s siblings, who are attendants in the wedding, have very young children (approximately one who is 4, two who are toddlers, and one who is a baby). The four year old is the flower girl. One toddler won’t be coming (is being dropped off at a set of grandparents in another state) because they don’t feel he would do well. I believe that a relative (not the little ones’ parents who are attendants) is also going to attend the wedding to look after these three young children, so the parents can enjoy the festivities. No other kids are invited. But these are the groom’s own little nephews and nieces and their parents are coming from far away and they are an important part of the groom’s immediate family.
As @1Dreamer’s post reminded me, crude or risqué toasts that are not PG. Save them for the bachelor party, not weddings where multiple generations including the grandparents are in attendance, please. Or for that matter, inside jokes that only a handful of people are in on.
We asked my parents NOT to do the dollar dance at our wedding - it was certainly part of our family and friends traditions but both H and I thought it was tacky. My parents agreed that maybe it was a tradition that outlived its usefulness and we were having an upscale reception.
A few hours into the reception my dad took me to the dance floor and while dancing told me that basically all the older family members were upset and to please reconsider - he said that the older generation liked a few moments of uninterrupted time with the bride and groom to give advice and also to give money for them to start out. Before I could agree or object, my uncle cut in and handed my dad a $100 bill. While there was not official “line” soon soon each person was tapped on the shoulder and another older relative or friend of my parents “cut in”. By the end we had danced with everyone in my grandparents’ generation of aunts and uncles along with some of my parents’ cousins and friends. My new H was a little clueless but was soon dancing with my aunts. We didn’t dance with anyone under 50 and the DJ never announced a $ dance - not sure if he knew exactly what was happening but my grandfather had told him to play a string of oldies slow songs and gave him a list to work from. All our friends/coworkers/cousins were dancing with their partners and dates so it was not just us in the spotlight and they kept saying how cute it was that we were dancing with our older generation.
Sigh… The “dollar dance” happened against my planning - and I had some amazing conversations and some hysterical advice from some very dear relatives. I thought my H would die of embarrassment on some of the conversations the old aunts were having with him – but all in all it was harmless and looking back a wonderful memory. Not many of those people are around all of these years later and I am thankful that I was able to share that time with them.
It wasn’t until the next morning that my dad handed me an envelope with the dollar dance money – over $3,500! I about passed out! He told me that the women in our family shop for the shower and wedding gifts and the men all bring cash for the dollar dance to start the couple off right or to help with the honeymoon. I had NO IDEA. He told me the best part was they didn’t expect a thank you note and that it was about sharing of the time and $.
I used to think they were so tacky but as we went to all of my cousins’ wedding after I looked at that time on the dance floor differently. I haven’t seen it done in years now and will be curious as the next generation starts to marry if it will revive in our family.
