That’s a good point, @novicemom23kids. One family’s tacky may be another family’s prized tradition and it’s hard to backpedal from generations of weddings having been done a certain way. You couldn’t walk off the dance floor and hurt your dad’s feelings or those of the other folks waiting to dance with you. Those unscripted moments happen and it’s nice that you’ve come to remember yours so fondly.
Maybe we need a wedding etiquette thread also…
When our son was four, he was the ring bearer at my youngest sister’s wedding. Believe me when I say…I don’t know what I was thinking when I said yes to that request!
We had a one year old also at the time. Both kids came to the morning ceremony…and a brunch afterward. Then the bridal party, including DS, went off for pictures.
I had arranged for DD to stay with a friend for the evening reception. I did not want DS to come either…but my sister insisted he had to be there…with the flower girl. They were the only kids at the wedding.
The picture they chose of DS for their wedding album is one of him sound asleep at the reception…totally crashed.
We have one of DS sound asleep at my SIL’s wedding as well.
Sorry…these events really aren’t usually kid friendly events.
Having attended several weddings in the late '70’s and early 80’s I have to say that the pastel colored tuxedos were certainly tacky.
@novicemom23kids , that is such a sweet story. You have completely revised my view of the dollar dance!
On another note, I was a bridesmaid in a cousin’s wedding several years ago. Except for the best man the groom’s attendants would not speak to the bride’s attendants at the rehearsal dinner. At the reception the DJ called for a wedding party dance. The best man came over and asked the maid of honor but the other groomsman ignored us. The two other bridesmaids and I were left standing alone in front of everyone for a few mortifying minutes until the bride’s father and brothers came over to dance with us.
I had a similar experience as a bridesmaid, FallGirl, only there wasn’t a designated dance, thankfully. The groomsmen were all married medical students or just out of med school, and they didn’t speak to us at all during the reception, even though we were seated amongst them. I mean, I didn’t expect to be flirted with, but I would have thought that they and their wives could summon up a little polite conversation! They had the manners, or lack thereof, of the groom, who is now the nasty ex husband of the friend I asked advice for over in another thread. 
I finally got up and left the table and found other people to talk to.
@novicemom23kids
What a beautiful story and memory. Thanks for sharing
I want to know what the aunties said!
With regard to kids at weddings, sometimes it depends on the specific kids. I recall my SIL’s wedding. My girls were about 3 and 5 years old and were flower girls and their cousin was about 4 and ring bearer. All were very well behaved. It was a daytime wedding, if I recall. It was at Williams College.
Talk about unusual wedding, come to think of it…it was medieval/renaissance themed. I had to have the dresses made for my girls to reflect that period “costume.” I wore regular clothing. The couple were in costume. My in-laws totally went along with it and had costumes made (my FIL’s was truly a dress, not pants). It was rather odd in my opinion. But so was the marriage. It only last about a year or two and they never lived together once married!
THere was lots of talk about how to keep a woman happy that was bawdy and borderline naughty but not vulgar – delivered in a dainty way that only comes from woman of a certain age who feel they have earned the right to be forthright. Lots of tame sex advice like “classic cars and classy ladies both need a gentle touch and time to warm up”
His favorite quote from my mom’s aunt who was nearing 80 — “you are a very lucky man and thank you for respecting our family and *** enough to know that we aren’t part of the free milk program” – H was perplexed and just chuckled. Later I explained how the old ladies in our family didn’t believe in couples living together and were frequently saying “why would he buy the cow if he is getting the milk for free?” and all of the young girls were always told - “you are not part of the free lunch program!”
For a good year or more my H would bring up those conversations and advice!
Now the old men were much more practical with their advice, not at all bawdy, and I remember each of them sharing it with me…“never forget where you come from” “taste your words before you spit them out” “always share in all of the decisions but you should each keep a little money aside for personal endeavors” “the best gift you can give your future children is to be a happy couple - you don’t need to divide and share your love, it is capable of growing” “don’t let your parents interfere in your marriage” etc…
I like the advice from the old men better. But, my husband and I shacked up before getting married so…
Pant lines. I remember going to a wedding, and thinking that is just not right, for the bride, on her wedding day of all days.
@doschicos - us too … she just didn’t know that! We purchased our house before our wedding and had been living together for a month and a half-- that is one of the things that made it so memorable!
@Consolation, @alh, in upper class or just old families in the southern US, displaying the gifts at home (never at the venue or anyone else’s house) is still done. People visit the bride’s family expressly for the purpose of seeing the gifts. It’s actually intended to honor the givers, not show off the loot. It’s actually fun to see all the stuff the couple received, especially when you know the givers (usually, there are cards indicating who gave each item).
And yes, the negative side is that this is a source of gossip, and of course, a magnet for thieves.
@doschicos, yes, we did the same. No reply card because people were supposed to know they had to drop you a note telling you whether they could make it. I wish we’d saved the notes we received!
I remember driving by a church and seeing a wedding party assembled outside and it was clear to me, far away in my car, that one of the bridesmaids had visible thong lines!
Some of the things some people find tacky are actually the right way of doing things in other cultures. My ESL students tell me that in China, money is the only appropriate gift for a couple, whereas in my family of origin, money was considered a tacky gift unless you were the parents of the bride or groom.
I was once at a restaurant having brunch and there was a wedding in the atrium nearby. The bride and her party came out of the restroom to go to the ceremony. She walked by and her dress had a low back WITH a dirty bra strap going across her back!!! I leaped up to warn her (maybe she didn’t know it was showing? ?) My Mom pulled me back down in my chair
Can you imagine the photos ?? Tacky
I never really liked the dollar dance thing, but as mentioned up-thread, some of the older relatives do like it and started asking to dance. At S and DIL’s wedding, It wasn’t really separate or announced, but seemed to go off and on throughout the night. In most all aspects, I had functioned as MOB throughout the planning months and the wedding. I was nervous about this big reception going well, the guests having a good time, etc…
Many 20 somethings seem to deal with cash rarely. I’m a CPA. Pretty soon the maid of honor starts bringing me cash, saying it made her nervous and she thought it’d be better if she gave it to me. No purse–what was I supposed to do with handfuls of cash?? I ended up putting it in the kitchen’s freezer where thankfully, we remembered to retrieve it.
Who here ever went to a 70s Rainbow wedding? The D of one of my mom’s cousin put all her groomsmen in pastel tuxedos - there were 7 so each had a different pastel color of the rainbow with a darker shade for the cumberbund and bow tie. The 7 bridesmaids all had a pastel dresses that matched their assigned groomsmen with a matching darker sash and hat. Thirteen year old me thought it was the coolest thing I had ever see. The church ladies at my grandmother’s church were horrified. And the pictures didn’t turn out well, either. Brides parents blamed it on the film but it really was all those pastel colors…