My friend’s D is marrying in HI, just like her older sister. It is a destination wedding for the wedding party, but my friend is from HI and her folks and many relatives on her side live in HI, so to that extent it’s where family is. Several of the cousins also married on Oahu for the same reason.
Niece is also getting married in HI. She and fiancé live in SF, but her parents and many relatives live on Oahu, so semi-destination wedding and mostly where most of family and many friends live. Groom’s family live in OK.
Having a wedding away from one’s hometown, on a Caribbean island or in Hawaii, and then inviting people you know won’t be able to attend (either for financial reasons or because of old age or disability) is just tacky. It’s just a way to get gifts and not have to pay for another seat at the reception dinner. If you want to marry in Hawaii, go and get married there, but then have a reception in the hometown.>>
Well, my kids don’t really have a hometown; they are military kids. My DD is getting married in Oct and the only ones not travelling are the VA venue owners. Our families are mainly in TX. PA and AR, we live in MD, their (and our) friends are in MA, GA, WA, MD, AZ, PA, VA, etc. Which of their 10 or so houses is in their hometown?
I admit that my feelings are easily hurt when it comes to being left out. I would always prefer to be invited to a destination wedding or to any wedding, rather than to have someone think that I shouldn’t be sent an invitation because I probably won’t be able to attend. I’m always grateful to receive a wedding invitation. If I attend the wedding, I will obviously always send a gift, but I don’t always send a gift if I cannot attend (probably because it sometimes slips my mind to send one.)
Cap, we have the same issue. Immediate family is 600+ miles away in several directions, and S1 is 3000 miles away. There is no making anyone happy. Finances among my family were a big reason we put them up at our house the week S1 was married. We just wanted them to be able to attend.
We sent out invitations and announcements when we were married. We didn’t want folks to feel they had to travel, but knew they want to know. It sure wasn’t a gift grab.
We did not send out announcements. We figured our holiday card in December would suffice. Just let everyone know our change of address…and marital status.
Like I said above…just about every wedding we’ve attended in the last five years has been a destination wedding for us. No one has gotten married in our home town…or even our state. One couple did have a local reception.
We just use these weddings as a little vacation opportunity…and try to tack on a couple of extra days.
Over 20 years ago my H and I were invited to a small church wedding ceremony for his cousin. It was magazine worthy beautiful. The sun was streaming through stained glass windows. The singing of Ave Maria was astounding. The church held maybe 50 to 60 people beyond the bridal party.
We head back to the hotel reception and the guests have multiplied. 200 or 300? We dine at the buffet. (Not tacky in this area of the country.) We move on to socialize and dance. I glance over my shoulder to realize the wait staff is clearing the tables and resetting them. There is also another pack of people waiting in line for the buffet.
Uncle is a big business man is a small town of 30,000. But wow. Not only are some people invited to the reception but not the party, but others invited to the second sitting at the reception only.
BONUS: Our hotel room had not one but TWO Laz-z=boy recliners.
At our wedding, we had as our vocalist the only person whose singing has ever given me goosebumps–it was that beautiful. She auditioned for the MET. She was a friend of H’s and it was lovely and memorable and she sang, “Because.” My best friend from 8th grade played the piano as an accompaniment. My office decorated the church. Around here, I’ve not heard of fewer invited to the ceremony only and more to the reception. Have not heard of a 2nd seating for the reception either.
H was once an usher at a wedding in SF. The groom paid all travel for his groomsmen and ushers, since it was out of state (SF) and everyone was fairly young and poor (groom was only child and family was VERY financially comfortable).
I’d guess the 2nd seating is regional or particular to places where most of a community is somehow included. Sounds like the first round loses their seats. Are they supposed to leave? Or more chairs somewhere else?
So do the second-seating guests only get what’s left on the buffet table? Like, the wilted lettuce at the bottom of the bowl? The chicken thighs instead of the breasts? The too-well-done beef instead of the rare pieces? The desserts with the whipped cream that got smooshed?
I’m amazed at the details you all remember from your weddings - I truly just don’t have that many memories!! General ones yes, details, no! 35 years ago and still with the same guy but my memory just didn’t store them!
The second round guests will have the same buffet selections as the first round. The first round guests will mingle and drink. The banquet isn’t set up with wall-to-wall tables. There is room to chat for the first round guests. Also people spill into the common areas of the facility.
It really isn’t tacky. It’s just a small town where the largest banquet hall may only hold 400 people. The uncle had a very successful business and likely knew almost everyone in town. No one in the second round would feel slighted in the least.
This wasn’t the type of wedding where guests stay glued in their seat for the evening. People are up and dancing and moving around.
I love all dresses (designing, sewing, and wearing them), so I wasn’t over the dress thing by the time I got married, but I knew exactly what I wanted.
No train (I thought bustles were ugly and I didn’t want a draggy train), basque waist (I had a tiny waist), no cheap sparkles (the entire thing was silk organza and venetian lace), and no synthetics (it was all silk). The dress I got is a Lazaro, who is still making dresses today, and it was handmade in Italy and took about a year. I paid retail because the designers I worked for did not have the dress I wanted, and I wasn’t much of a finagler back then.
The dress budget was about 25% of the entire budget of the wedding, which looking back was kinda stupid, but my god that dress is still beautiful today and the girls try it on all the time. I can still get into it but the waist kills me if I wear it for more than a few minutes.
I did get a limo company to give me a rolls royce silver cloud for the night at the regular limo prices if I sent them a picture of H and I in front of it that they could use for their promo pictures but that was about the extent of it.
@hrh19 I think I would keep looking until I found a venue that could accommodate everyone. I really don’t like making people feel like they’re on the “B” list and not worthy of watching the ceremony, or not worthy of attending the party afterwards.
I agree with you on all of these except I think exotic destination weddings are inherently selfish. I do decline those invitations (because I don’t want to spend my vacation time going on your vacation), but there’s certainly some ire and grumpiness involved on my part (which the wedding party won’t hear about, because that would be tacky on MY part).
I have a pretty good memory for images and stories, sometimes just seeing something or smelling something will trigger an entire flood of memories for me, especially if I’ve written it down or taken a picture of it at some point. On the other hand, my mental abilities in other areas really stink (like math) so I think my brain is just overgenerous with the visual stuff and stingy when it comes to allocating space for quadratic equations :D.
The second buffet thing sounds like the dad was using the wedding as an excuse to glad-hand clients. I don’t think that’s appropriate for a wedding, but I’m not super social or interested in that world of building and maintaining social connections to mine them later.
but that was about the extent of it.