<p>One of my daughter’s friends was apparently expelled from Taft after about 3 weeks on campus. (Her words were “well it took me three weeks to get thrown out” or something similar) My daughter attends another prep school as a day student. Any idea what level of offence gets a kid bounced so fast from Taft? I am afraid the kids aren’t completely open on what happened and I would like to know what behavior goes on with her friends if possible. Friend said it was failure to integrate with the adult community??? Older daughter went to another CT prep and being caught using drugs was about the only offense that got you the hook so fast. Any ideas?</p>
<p>Sounds like your daughter’s friend didn’t want to be at Taft, so I imagine there could be any number of things that she could have done. I wouldn’t read too much of that into what goes on normally at Taft.</p>
<p>As to offenses that get you thrown out quickly…
- Setting fires.
- Parietal offenses.
- Any criminal offense that would have you arrested (as opposed to ticketed).</p>
<p>I’m sure others can come up with a much longer list. Point here is that it is useless to speculate as to what she did. It is more important to know that your daughter’s friend and her family are getting some much-needed counseling, because her being tossed out so quickly demonstrates a poor placement decision which is a family issue.</p>
<p>Taft is a great school but has been known to protect it’s own. In other words, usually takes a lot to get kicked out of Taft. Problem is when these kids get to college and then they get kicked out. Getting bounced from college is not an easy task. I know several instances in the past few years where this has been the case but have no intention to question the integrity of the Taft School. About 35 years ago my best friend was kicked out, something to do with mouthing off to whom I believe was the Headmaster’s wife. Rest assured anyone’s jaw would have hit the ground hearing him tear into that woman, especially after being caught doing something illegal. Alas, Taft is not alone.</p>
<p>The student handbook will detail what offenses result in a suspension and what will result in an expulsion. My daughter’s school had a second srtike and you’re expelled rule for what are called major school rules i.e. drinking, drugs, cheating, stealing, etc.</p>
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<p>All schools have rules in their handbook. Many are “first strike” for the above - esp honor code violations and drinking or drugs.</p>
<p>“failure to integrate with the adult community” sounds to me like she was disruptive, disrespectful, and a constant pain. Most schools will work with students and their families on almost ALL infractions…unless other students are at harm. I would take from your daughters comment that her friend didn’t really want to be at Taft, and she made it known. </p>
<p>But really, if you are concerned that your daughter and her friends are getting into some serious trouble…you should start making some phone calls to other parents and be very watchful over your daughter.</p>
<p>Our postition, despite daughter’s objections that this girl has ben her friend for years, is that their contacts will be very limited and controlled. Luckily, they do not attend the same school now and my daughter is developing new circle friends at her school. I am sorry to see any young person scew up so severly so quickly ( cost her parent’s some money also I would assume) but I will err on the side of being overprotective with my young teenager. In my oldest daughter’s three years at Choate I only recall two lightning-quick expulsions and I believe both involved being caught using drugs on campus</p>
<p>Glad to hear that you are limiting the contact. </p>
<p>I think the only thing that would make me feel right about that would be to talk to the parents and see how they present the cause of the situation. Like it or not, most likely that girl didn’t get screwed up by herself. If they don’t see how they contributed to the situation (could be from direct action or failure to act) as well as the solution, the girl is most likely not going to turn the ship around.</p>
<p>That being said, there are situations where a child has a deficiency (mental illness, developmental disorder) that despite the best of parenting things can’t be controlled. This is coming from a parent with a child with both of the above (not goaliegirl). </p>
<p>You just have to understand what you are dealing with.</p>
<p>The only thing I can figure is that these essentially succesful inteligent parents had been too indulgent to their only child/ were always taking the girls (theirs and mine0 out to dinner, movies, great seats at Pilot Pen tennis etc and possibly never learned to say “No” (Its a lot easier to say the N word with three kids) / plus the kid may have the manipulative gene. She was always polite, respectful and courteous dealing with us, but this could be part of the whole package</p>
<p>Parents who indulge their children, often find their children unable to effectively deal with the consequences of their own decisions. Since Suzy usually doesn’t have to make a choice (all wished are granted), when a decision cannot be undone by the parent (or at least the parent commits the child to a decision she made - like going to Taft), the child then lashes out at not getting what she wants then and there. Getting herself kicked out was her way of getting what she wants as an indulged child.</p>
<p>I’ve heard stories about other such indulged children who when told they cannot have X expensive luxury item go out and shoplift the item. Not out of need, but the sense that they will get from the parent (the store is not the issue here) one way or the other. They are not acting out of want or need, but control of their situation. What is worse in these situations is that usually Mom and Dad (out of embarassment) go to great lengths to bury the incident in their records. The child learns that when Mom and Dad say no, they just do/take what they perceive to be their deserved prize and Mom and Dad will take care of the consequences.</p>
<p>The polite/respectful/courteous is a part of that game as well. They view that superficial behavior as their part of the bargain (be a good kid and get everything you want).</p>
<p>on the other hand there are a few kids that are suspended right now from Taft b/c of drinking and at least one boy had been sent down from St. Georges for pot smoking last month. It goes on fairly often</p>
<p>“sent down”. Love it, mhmm. Very old school.</p>
<p>In fif’s day it was called getting fired.</p>
<p>I am British, so I love seeing “sent down” on this thread! Regarding that action, if you don’t want to be somewhere, it is easy to let the administration very aware of that very quickly …and it is in the school’s best interests to remove you, obviously, as your actions and attitude will be detrimental to the spirit of the student body.</p>
<p>It does not go on fairly often at SG. That kid was new and it usually does not take long to “weed” them out. The last dope issue at SG was last Fall. The young people at SG want to be there and value their opportunity to attend and all feel extremely hurt when a classmate makes such a dumb decision.</p>
<p>Agree with ops – when kids were expelled from son’s school there was usually very little sympathy for those making stupid mistakes and blowing a great opportunity.</p>
<p>back in the day, i remember one of the biggest offenses with very little room for leniency was simply getting caught being AWOL. </p>
<p>and it makes sense – if something were to happen while you were AWOL, a school would face some serious liability.</p>
<p>When I was visiting Taft I noticed some pictures of pot leaves and people drinking in the yearbook. I know that not everyone does this but the pictures in the yearbook reflected poorly on the whole school in my opinion. I couldn’t believe an administrator didn’t censor them.</p>