<p>I think there have been threads about this before, but I am wondering – how much time should a parent plan to spend on campus when taking a freshman to college?</p>
<p>In this particular case, we would be flying, rather than driving, so there wouldn’t be much stuff to move in.</p>
<p>I thought my daughter would want to do this on her own, but now she is making noises that she might want parental accompaniment.</p>
<p>She will go to orientation in June by herself.</p>
<p>Do you think half a day would do it?</p>
<p>Rather than fight the crowds in the college town, I’d rather stay at the beach (1 1/2 hour drive) before flying home.</p>
<p>Check the website: are there parent activities schedules for move-in day or was all that at the summer orientation? One of mine went to a “drop them off and leave” school(there was nothing more for us to do - we knew his room-mate and he most certainly didn’t want our opinions on bedmaking or poster hanging.) Half a day was more than enough.
The other two went to schools where there were parent activities. One of these campuses strongly pushed the parents to depart before nightfall, the other had 3 days of activities.
Yes, stay at the beach!</p>
<p>In 2007, I drove 2 days (750 miles each way) with S to his college move-in his freshman year. That part was great since it was time to start the reality of “goodbye.”</p>
<p>Move-in was on a Saturday morning. There were activities that parents could attend on Sat starting mid-afternoon, throughout Sunday and half of Monday! When my son and I discussed this several weeks before the drive, he and I both agreed that this was way, way too much parent on campus time.</p>
<p>At the Saturday night family “buffet,” the parents were grumbling since many students had essentially abandoned them (mine had and I had expected it). Some parents even articulated that they were “miffed” (at the least) that their student didn’t appreciate them being there other than as a delivery and room set-up service. </p>
<p>I arranged to meet my son at the on campus bookstore on Sunday morning. I was ready to leave and could tell that he was wanting to get on with beginning his new life at his school with his new classmates.</p>
<p>I asked if he needed any additional assistance. He said no, we walked down to the van and hugged and then I was “on the road again.” I had planned a couple of things to stop and do “just for me” on the drive back. All and all it was just fine, but for my Son and I, less (parent time on campus) was more than enough.</p>
<p>FYI–there were several very public displays for parents and students not being happy over the parents treating the student like a child and “running the show” at the move-in. Screams, tears, etc. NOT a way to start out IMO.</p>
<p>Your daughter might want you around for a half day of shopping for dorm room supplies:
a carpet, a tall lampstand with multiple bulbs, wastebasket, posters, an extra portable chair, pillows, fridge, laundry basket and detergent, computer printer and ink, etc.</p>
<p>Once you’ve done all the dirty work of move-in, and paying, yes she will want you out ASAP.</p>
<p>I think it all depends on logistics and the specifics of what’s going on that that particular school for incoming students and parents. </p>
<p>Last year, my daughter’s move-in time to her dorm was first thing on a Saturday morning. We don’t live in a hub city, so because there were so many problems last summer with cancelled flights, we flew on on Thursday afternoon. I wanted to ensure we would have a full day Friday to buy all the dorm room stuff that we would not be transporting ourselves. (side note: Do you know about Bed, Bath and Beyond’s registry program. You shop in your home city and pick it up at the store in your child’s college town, where they have it all boxed and ready for you. Fabulous.) We were able to do this leisurely and without stress. Saturday was the move in and after getting her settled we left her on her own to bond with the roommate. There was a family dinner that night, which we attended with the roommate’s family, and Sunday was the Convocation, followed by a parent meeting with the Dean of each school. We flew out Sunday afternoon. I was glad to have attended each portion of this and thought we were able to do so without encroaching on our daughter’s space.</p>
<p>Given the general consensus, I’m starting to return to my original plan of having her go on her own.</p>
<p>It just doesn’t seem worth the cost of airfare, hotel room and rental car to spend half a day on campus.</p>
<p>For the last three years, D has flown to the other side of the country on her own to summer programs so I know she can do this without assistance.</p>
<p>I am so glad I found this thread!!! I was to stay the entire 3 days, because I felt that I had to. I knew my D will ditch me early on during those days, and I will be happy for it (as a sign of her wanting to adapt). You sure the college want or expect parent to leave?</p>
<p>fendrock, boys might be different but not that much. Three years ago when DS was a freshman going cross country he flew out alone. His Uncle and Grandfather drove about an hour to take him to the school. He pretty much kicked them to the curb as soon as his stuff was out of Grandpa’s car. I was glad I hadn’t paid for a flight, hotel, etc.
She will be fine on her own.</p>
<p>Why don’t you keep it flexible? Your d will go through a wide range of emotional flip flops in the next 6 months. if you want to catch good deals on flights, book her a non refundable plane tix but keep yours refundable if possible.</p>
<p>In my opinion your absence will not be noticed and I know of no college that takes role of the parents to know when they leave.</p>
<p>My S attends a LAC with students from all over the US. A substantial number of students came to freshman move-in WITHOUT parents. There were employees of the college and students from campus service organizations on hand to assist everyone with their stuff. It is not usually necessary for the parent to come to assist.</p>
<p>My S’s school had a website link that expressly listed those activities that were student only, parent only and joint student and parent. If your student’s school has a similar posting you may be able to get an idea of how much the school wants you there.</p>
<p>I have an acquaintence who works at a college and she indicates that some parents of freshman have more adjustment problems with the seperation than their kids. She is approximately my age (late 50’s) and recalls wistfully that most parents did not fly or drive hundreds and hundreds of miles to freshman move-in back in “our day.”</p>
<p>My wife stayed overnight, I went home to take care of the other kids (we live 2 hours away). I think my wife had a harder time than the daughter. In any case, all she really needed was:</p>
<p>1) Help moving in
2) signing up for all the placement tests (helped her map out a master schedule around all the other orientation week events).
3) Getting organized
4) Buying stuff (food, file cabinet, etc.)
5) Helping her get finances organized (open an account at a convenient bank, that also has a branch at home), figuring out where to apply for jobs, etc.</p>
<p>It was nice they had a parents reception, and then told us to leave.</p>
<p>Go with her, but don’t hang around. Go to the beach! Make the build-up to the drop-off fun. We flew to the nearest large city (1.5 hours away), visited family there for two days, and did a marathon shopping expedition. Group shopping is always a hilarious experience in our family, and it was a great send-off for our S. Then we drove him to school, moved his stuff into his room, picked up his book order at the bookstore, took him to lunch, attended the parent orientation session, and hit the road back to the large city. Hug your D tight on the sidewalk outside her dorm, turn around, and walk away. (I made the mistake of starting to sob before I turned around; don’t do that.) I think it’s a mistake–for parents and student–when parents hang around overnight. Your child needs to begin the next phase in her life, and so do you.</p>
<p>We stayed a day and a half–half day was move in day. Next day was the obligatory trips to Target, Home Depot, etc. A good bye lunch and off we went. We made a little vacation of our trip–it’s best to have something to do after the drop off or you’ll be likely bawling your eyes out.</p>
<p>My daughter’s school had a kiss goodbye event on Sunday, after the Saturday move in. In other words it was time for parents to leave! My husband and I didn’t leave until Monday as we had just driven for two days and climbed 3 flights of stairs will all of daughter’s belongings; we needed a day to recuperate before we headed out again. Saturday was spend getting last minute items and having dinner without daughter.</p>
<p>Although we were still in town, we were not with daughter the entire time. On Sunday we headed to Home Depot to buy some wood as the girls wanted some shelving made for one of the roommate stereo system. My husband brought tools and was excited to be able to help. We went to the dorm room while the girls were in orientation and placement classes. Daughter did make an appearance at lunch time where we said our goodbyes.</p>
<p>I have the impression that some of the parents events on move in day are held just because the parents expect something, and it is a useful device to separate the parents from the kids. We did help both of our first 2 kids set up their dorm room (make the bed, put up the lamp, assemble the chair, etc.), but were out of there by lunch time.</p>
<p>It’s an all day drive to S1’s school. We arrived night before. Then Sunday morning got him into his dorm room. There was a luncheon for everyone and a presentation from his subsection of the school (which was definitely aimed at parents as they said it was probably the last time they would see us). That afternoon we picked up some things we’d forgotten or discovered there was room for in his room, had a dinner together and then dropped him off in the dorm. The school made it clear we weren’t welcome for any of the rest of the orientation activities. One day was plenty of time to get him settled in and to fetch the missing items.</p>
<p>Don’t let her go up by herself. Everyone will have their parents there. My parents did that to me many years ago, I still remember it. We helped our D1 move in, bought dorm stuff for her, took her to dinner, and cried all the way home. I would skip parents weekend, but not the move in day.</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort…if you have to skip something, skip parents’ weekend, NOT the move-in.</p>
<p>It was an exciting time, a little stressful, but was great for H & I to see both our D & S get settled into their respective dorms & colleges, meet roommates & other parents.
Our experiences at two different universitites were virtually the same:
Day 1. Long Drive on Friday
Day 2. Saturday Move-in, trips to Home Depot, Target
Day 3. Drive home Sunday.</p>
<p>In both cases, we met up for our kids for early dinner on Saturday. We weren’t with them all the time as they had meetings and things to attend to. Both our kids were grateful for the help unpacking, moving stuff around, and taking out all the trash!
It helped them to have us as a social “back-up” as they both eased into their new strange surrounding, meeting new hallmates, etc. </p>
<p>With both kids we gave them a little present & card before we left. It was bittersweet and really helped us all see this as a meaningful, sentimental yet exciting time.
I wouldn’t have missed it. </p>
<p>The Parents’ Weekend? Just ok. Move-in? Priceless.</p>
<p>Rice kicks the parents out (at least away from the kids) right after lunch on move-in day. The parents depart and the kids have “O Week”. We were glad to leave. Our daughter was ready to be on her own (she had been to boarding school) and was being somewhat b*tchy. It was blazing hot and humid. H and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Other parents were in tears saying goodbye to their precious darlings and we were racing for the car. (caveat- D is a lovely young woman, actually)</p>
<p>Agree that parents’ weekend is something that can be easily missed. Visit some other time.</p>