<p>I am aware that some schools really try to wean the parents out of the lingering move-in process. </p>
<p>You might want to check out what your D’s school has set up. I know of one state school (Un of South Carolina) where they have 7000 freshman students moving in all at once. Their website has a “Parent Orientation” but it is in mid-summer only— not at the same time as the move-in. USC actually has a tradition the Saturday night of move-in where all the freshman go to the football arena and there is this smoke-filled ritual. </p>
<p>Having mom and/or dad around expecting dinner and attention may not be what your D wants. I’d discuss it with her before incurring a lot of expense. </p>
<p>FYI–I flew and moved in sans parents and it was great. I don’t think this is a one size fits all deal. As a parent, I’d keep 2 things in mind: this is the student’s moment (not the parents or the family) and a “blow up” on the first day at college isn’t a great way for a student to start their new life.</p>
<p>I took a few photos each step of the way and put together an email for family and friends. In the final shot D was waving good-bye with a sunset behind her. Several friends told me they had tears looking at it!</p>
<pre><code>D, H, and I drove the 400 miles the day before and stayed in a hotel. After breakfast the next morning we unloaded everything into her room (only took 3 trips with OSU’s giant basket on wheels things). We unpacked some stuff and then went to Target for the stuff she realized she needed (more hangars!). Then we went out for lunch and a trip to the campus bookstore. We dropped her back at the dorm and said good-bye. H and I then had dinner and went back to the hotel. We drove home the next day.
For her sophomore year, she drove herself.
</code></pre>
<p>I agree with 07Dad about checking what the school does as well as how your daughter feels. At my sons drop off this year, we did the getting the room set up, meeting roommate and family; but the school had a lovely matriculation ceremony the next day, which included a strong suggestion time for parents to be off campus and the students started their orientation that evening. It was worth being there for both my son and me.</p>
<p>If your freshman is flying out to campus, I assume that means the student will have no car. </p>
<p>It is kind to fly with the freshman and rent a car in the college town and help set up the dorm room. With a car, you can pick up a comforter for the dorm bed, a printer, or extra shelves or other stuff for storage, for example. You can pick up a case of Mountain Dew or Diet Coke or Gatorade, whatever, and/or breakfast items from a grocery store. Yes a freshman can survive without this stuff but it is satisfying to have the dorm room nicely equipped before school starts. And sometimes it is hard to figure out that you need [fill in the blank - a throw rug? extra hangers] or a freshman forgets something important [a backpack] and there are either no options to buy the needed item on campus, or there are few options and they are expensive. Nearly everything can be ordered on line, but not necessarily conveniently.</p>
<p>I skipped the October 2008 parents weekend but I was there with a rental car for the late August 2008 move in, schlepping to Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, Home Depot. (It was fun to see how the dorm room turned out, too, once D and her roomie’s stuff was unpacked and set up.)</p>
<p>Yes, it was expensive for H & I to fly cross-country and rent a car, but our help made it so much easier for our S. We arrived a couple of days early and stayed in the empty home of a relative about an hour’s drive away. We did some sight-seeing and purchasing last minute stuff that would have been difficult to bring on the plane. Then we drove to the college early on move-in day. </p>
<p>Two of his roommates both had parents there, and the other (who was from Europe) had family friends helping him. I enjoyed very much seeing exactly where he is living and meeting his roommates. We helped him get his account at the credit union, and to set up his computer. He picked up his bike, and we did lots of (sweaty) work helping him get settled. He was very grateful. </p>
<p>I would have loved to go to some of the organized parent activities, but we had no time. We did get to have lunch at his cafeteria, and sat with two other students and their families. There was a convocation to welcome the freshman. Then we had the “good bye” event at his dorm and left to go to the dinner for the parents. I wouldn’t have missed freshman move-in day for the world.</p>
<p>He’ll be storing his stuff over the summers, so I doubt that we’ll go to any other move-ins. We’ll save that $ for tuition!</p>
<p>Unless the cost is prohibitive, it is probably best for you to accompany your daughter – for two reasons: 1) two people can carry twice as much stuff on the plane, and 2) you are old enough to rent a car. Your daughter may find that some shopping is necessary after she arrives at college, and it is much easier to accomplish this if she has you there to drive to stores. The rental car would also come in handy for transporting all her stuff to campus.</p>
<p>If your daughter will be arriving on campus with more stuff than she can carry at once, there is also a security issue. She needs to realize that during the getting-your-keys process and the getting-the-stuff-to-your-room process, it might be necessary for her to be separated from some of her possessions for at least a few minutes. Things have been known to vanish during those few minutes. During move-ins at both of my kids’ colleges, one of the parent’s main functions was to stand with the pile of the kid’s stuff so that it couldn’t be stolen while the kid was attending to the necessary chores and procedures. If your daughter does decide to go to college alone, it might be best for her to take only as much stuff as she can carry/pull (say, two suitcases on wheels and a backpack) on the plane, so that she will never have to abandon her possessions, even to go to the bathroom. If she needs anything more than what she can carry, it would be safer to ship it.</p>
<p>Staying at the beach, 1 1/2 hours away, is a perfectly reasonable option. Even if your daughter has to move in very early in the morning (some colleges assign freshmen to specific move-in times), you should be able to get there.</p>
<p>My sister is a freshman at a famous university in the Midwest. My mom hated orientation, because she wants to drop the kid off and leave, but it seemed to be expected that parents would be there for the entire orientation. In fact, at an alum event in the summer my parents were told that orientation was this great event that would make them wish they could go to the school! My mom was miffed when my sister called to say that parents were actually not invited for an event on the parent schedule, and she did not enjoy the weekend in the least (wanted to take sister out of said school before classes even started!). I told her to just leave, but she didn’t want sister to be the only one without a parent still on campus. </p>
<p>I went to Smith, was dropped off for pre-orientation and my parents went home and to work the next day.</p>
<p>If you do decide to go, I’d definitely go to the beach instead of sticking around on campus. Unpack the kid, say goodbye, and leave. :)</p>
<p>For freshman year, I booked my parents’ return flight the morning after move-in (I’m the unofficial family travel agent apparently ). By nightfall, they had to go back to the hotel so they can be rested for the flight. We moved in, then we went out for lunch, then bought some more stuff, and then they left around 7pm. We flew so we bought everything here in New York-thankfully we were familiar with the area because we lived in Westchester before. :)</p>
<p>This year, I did it alone-fly in, stay at my friend’s house for a couple days, aunt’s apartment for a day (where all my things were), and then it took two trips to get all my stuff moved in. Because of United’s nuisance fees (UA is pretty much the biggest carrier out of MRY and SFO) I learned to stuff a month’s worth of clothing, two pairs of shoes and a couple books into a small 22" rollaboard. Oh what I’ll do to save $20. :)</p>
<p>Actually it’s quite nice not having to wait at baggage claim. Get off plane, walk right past baggage claim, board Airtrain and get the hell out of the airport.</p>
<p>I agree with Marian’s comments about move-in logistics and will add one more thing. Though my son had packed very conservatively, we did end up taking things home with us after he unpacked and figured out what would and would not fit in his closet and drawers (he had not seen the room ahead of time). Judging from the number of family members we saw returning to the parking lot with stuff, I think that’s pretty common. I also have great photos from move-in day. We had a great time together celebrating the big moment.</p>
<p>The key to having a successful move-in is understanding and flexibility. We always stayed over the night of move-in (one had a 2 day parent program), but had no expectations of seeing our sons after they were set up in their rooms. This time was not about us, it was about our kids. Yes, our lives were changing, but theirs was changing more. We all fully understood that it was time for them to begin their new adventures, but since we would be a plane ride away, we were there for any emergency shopping runs and errands. No expectations, no guilt. They did all call for a quick run to the store, with roommates in tow. We took the remaining time to really explore the areas that would now be our kids’ new homes. Becoming familiar with the surroundings made the separation much easier for us. We, and kids agree, had 3 very stress free move-ins.</p>
<p>In the end, everyone has to do what feels right for their family. This is not a one size fits all experience.</p>
<p>We were lucky because my S was friends with a couple of upper classwomen and had stayed over in their dorm rooms a couple of nights when visiting prior to him accepting admission, so he had a realistic idea of the room size. </p>
<p>I also called the maintenace and mechanical department once we had his room assignment and got the rough measurements. Some colleges even have the building drawings posted on-line so you can get the layout. As others have noted, some students take way too much stuff.</p>
<p>We arrived on Friday and went by the dorms and talked to the RA’s and got to peek at a room (so that I had an idea what to expect). We asked the RA’s what were the things that were very important that many students didn’t bring. It turned out to be fans and pole/reading lights. We did Home Depot and BB&B that night after a father-son last night dinner at a Middle Eastern place where we sat on the floor and ate with our hands.</p>
<p>My suggestion is if your student really wants your presence and assistance and asks for it, consider going. If not, then don’t. This is the beginning of them making their decisions. BTY–I wasn’t planning on going, but my S asked me to and I did. However, this invitation didn’t change the fact that once he had the assistence he wanted, he (and I) knew it was time for me to leave.</p>
<p>IMO–it is better that they decide after the fact that they could have used you being there than for the parent to assume that they are wanted and needed and interject themselves into the move-in where it is not wanted or appreciated.</p>
<p>If you go, arrive before the move-in day and try to visit the dorms. Do the running around to the stores before the move-in day.</p>
<p>I like the beach idea. For one thing, the waves will drown out the sound of your sobs. :D</p>
<p>Seriously, if you can afford it, I think it’s a good idea to fly in, and rent a car. You can drive around to get whatever she needs, help unpack and set up and get details taken care of, then depart and spend a little more relaxing and healing time at the beach.</p>
<p>After we said goodbye to S so that he could go to dinner with floormates–I managed to avoid bursting into tears until I was actually walking away from him–H asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I just wanted to blow that town ASAP. We ended up eating crackers from a highway vending machine. Not ideal. Staying at the beach will afford you an easy and pleasant escape, and a nice segue into real life w/o D.</p>
how much it helps us parents to visually understand your student’s new environment once you’re gone, and
if you’re paying attention to teh visual and/or verbal cues :), you’ll feel the moment when it’s Time To Go. Make sure not to dawdle past it. If you leave at just the right time, it will feel really special as you watch your child take this great next step.</p>
<p>Geezermom reminds me - I wanted to thank past CC posters for bringing to my attention the importance of the “changed my mind” duffel bag for those of us who fly our kids in. This is an empty duffel bag from home or an emptied duffel bag destined to be returned home. I was very glad to have one in the dorm during move in day. This is to pack the stuff that the kid realizes she doesn’t need or realizes there is no room in the dorm room for. As she is unpacking, your daughter may realize that she doesn’t really need that second pair of running shoes or the stuffed elephant. You put them in the “changed my mind” duffel bag and bring them back home with you. </p>
<p>Most kids have enough trouble keeping their dorm room neat and well organized. Anything you can do to help them pare down is good. Not to be sexist but the “brought too much stuff” issue appears to be more of a daughter problem than a son problem. </p>
<p>I like the rule of thumb that if you are driving your kid to school, you shouldn’t have more stuff for the dorm room than will fit in the trunk and in the back seat of the car with you and the kid. Dorm rooms are small!</p>
<p>I think going to help set up is a great idea for the parents. When D talks about her room, or the dorm, or the campus, or the roommate, you have a picture in your head. It’s worth a thousand words.</p>
<p>My mom (grandma) and I love the photo I took of my daughter and her new roommate standing side by side all smiles in a just-set-up and spotless dorm room - both beds made, no clothes or shoes on the floor, clean desks… The room probably never looked as good again. (D is the untidy one, not the roommate!)</p>
<p>We went a day early and spent that day with S, shopping/dining/chilling. We drove and helped him unpack (I put clothes in the closet, hung up towels, and stowed things from boxes in the drawers as he dictated. Also made the bed. We did the parent orientation and had lunch together. After lunch, we decided that rather than sit and watch him finish unpacking, we’d get on the road. We also enjoyed the 2-day drive there (not home!).</p>
<p>If you’re flying, I’d say allow a full day to spend together before move in. Once your D is in her room, she’ll want to talk with roommate and meet other people in the dorm. We made S walk us to the car, but that was it.</p>
). By nightfall, they had to go back to the hotel so they can be rested for the flight. We moved in, then we went out for lunch, then bought some more stuff, and then they left around 7pm. We flew so we bought everything here in New York-thankfully we were familiar with the area because we lived in Westchester before. :)</p>