<p>OK…for DS and DD their orientations (parent and student) happened to be the weekend prior to freshman move in. It was the last orientation session at each school. For DS, the first kiddo to go to college, we both went. It was a drive away and we wanted to go. We did NOT see DS much at all. He was allowed to move into his room…and he did so. We stayed with relatives. We saw him at the last day luncheon. That was it…then we drove home. For DD…it was a trek across country. I went…again…wanted to go to the parent orientation. Also we used the time to go to BB and B to pick up the preordered “stuff” that we didn’t cart across the country. AND we did the obligitory errands to Target, Walgreens, and Staples. I stayed at a hotel for part of my trip and with friends for part. Again…I really didn’t see DD at all except at the last day luncheon. </p>
<p>Another reason I went along with DD was so that we could take four suitcases…three for her “goods” and one for linens. We also each had a backpack and a “case” (she had the computer, I had the instrument case). I’m not sure how we would have gotten her stuff there…to be honest, my plane ticket didn’t cost very much. The shipping would have been half of the cost of my ticket.</p>
<p>If the parent isn’t asked by their student to participate in move-in and wants to honor that as a part of the student’s independence (or the time, distance and/or extra expense makes the parent going impractical), the parent can still “get a visual” of the student’s living arrangement at some colleges.</p>
<p>At S’s college, the college website has a link to a 360 degree virtual tour of a typical room in each freshman dorm. The present digital cameras allow the student to send really great images home after they have arranged their room if they are so inclined (my wasn’t so inclined).</p>
<p>Also, if my S’s experience is typical, the dorm room arrangement changes frequently from almost the instant the parent leaves. They change to/from lofted to unlofted all the time. They decided that they would go from an L shaped furniture arrangement to something different. So what a parent sees after a few hours of move-in may not be the arrangement their student actually lives with.</p>
<p>Actually, IMO the student’s attempts to decide how their new home is arranged and how to personalize it is another very early step in adult independence. At the “buffet” on Sat. evening after the Sat a.m. move-in, I unintentionally participated in informal discussions of designing the dorm room with other abandoned parents. Almost to a one, the parents had bit their tongue and tried just to assist, like toting boxes. There was a split on unpacking clothes and arranging the closet space. Some assumed this was wanted without asking.</p>
<p>Several moms mentioned that they had backed off trying to run that show because of their memories of how their mothers and/or mothers-in-law had try to “assist” them as young brides in arranging and decorating the couple’s first residence. They seemed to view that effort as an unwanted interference and didn’t want to do the same to their student concerning the student’s dorm room. Another observation was the tension a few had felt when the roomie’s parent(s) had started making the arrangement decisions for the roommates. One mom actually mentioned it came to words being exchanged between the respective parent groups. Don’t you know that was a great start for the roommates.</p>
<p>Also, at move-in there were several very public and very “uncomfortable” displays in the dorms of parent/child struggles over prevailing on who decided how the student’s room was arranged and decorated. Clearly, for some parents move-in is NOT their finest hour. </p>
<p>Move-in may be a test to some parents in giving up decision making to the student. Not all pass that test with flying colors. I saw two different female students crying outside the dorm with near irrate moms going off at them for some perceived slight or lack of appreciation for the parent’s assistance. IMO this surely doesn’t help the student “fit in” with the other students who have had, shall we say, less “hands on” help.</p>
<p>^^This is why flexibility and understanding are so important. This is a very emotional time for everyone involved, whether they express it outwardly or not. Parents need to keep in mind that no student’s college career was ever ruined because they set up their dresser with their socks and underwear in the bottom drawer instead of the top. If they put something in an awkward spot, they’ll figure it out soon enough and change it. And students need to keep in mind that their parents will leave to go home and they can then rearrange everything as they see fit. If mom wants to make the bed, big deal-let her, it’s a small task that may mean the world to her. Arguing over the little things can really ruin an exciting milestone. Don’t sweat the small stuff.</p>
<p>I agree about “don’t sweat the small stuff.” There are several “bigger issues” that come into focus for some parents during move-in.</p>
<p>At my S’s LAC, they have co-ed dorms where there were bowls of condoms on the front desk and the bulletin boards in the halls and stairwells bluntly counseled safe sex, discussed the risks of STD’s, admonished against date rape conduct and made a plea for tolerance of alternate life styles. </p>
<p>More than one parent at the buffet mentioned that they hadn’t really appreciated how different college attitudes were between “back then” when they were in college and now. Several parents indicated that this casualness bothered them. </p>
<p>I suggest to any “first time” parents considering whether to go to move-in, realize being there in the student’s new environment means coming to grips with more than just the fact that the family residence is no longer the student’s home. Just be forewarned and prepared.</p>
<p>Best college drop off technique: slow the car down to about 5MPH. Student should exit with a semi shoulder roll to soften impact. While this is happening—parental unit in passenger seat throws out suit case and other “essentials”.</p>
<p>I’m sorely tempted to use this method after Spring Break.</p>
<p>When I picked up S for Christmas break, I went into his room and looked around, picked up several food containers with leftovers, and suggested he might want to put them in the trash before he left for several weeks. He started to protest, but changed his mind when he saw that there was actual mold on the food. :rolleyes I also offered to take his bedding home to wash, but he refused. </p>
<p>This break I advised H, the picker-upper, to do another visual sweep for mold and again <em>offer</em> to bring the bedding home. As it happens, S brought it home still damp from the dryer, so we finished drying it here. At least now I know that he washed his stuff ONCE! :D</p>
<p>In fact, if your child was accepted Early Decision, it would be a good idea to go online and make your motel reservation for move-in right now, before the Regular Decision acceptances come out and the motels fill up. If you wait until the crowd starts reserving rooms, you could find yourself sleeping a couple of hours away from the campus.</p>
<p>Some people also make their motel reservations for graduation at this time, but I consider that a bit extreme.</p>
<p>^ You are correct. We never had the experience to do a “move-in” but had mommy had the experience in helping to move more stuff. </p>
<p>cheep, cheep.
I stayed in his dorm room for graduation visit. I do feel that I should have stayed at the hotel and associated more with the parents.</p>