<p>I’ve only posted occaisonally here, mainly I’ve been a lurker. But I’ve got to scream and yell and need advice. Here’s my twisted Valentine’s story:</p>
<p>Our son got EA into a prestigious music school. This was highly unexpected, he auditioned for the hell of it and got in. He is a talented musician, music is all he talks and thinks about, outside of music classes he’s a straight B student with 1600/2400 SAT. His best shots for college were a couple of state schools here in California. Now, he’s got this amazing opportunity that could change his life. But…</p>
<p>He’s got a girlfriend. And the girl may be going to school back east, which is fine, or she may be staying in California. Regardless, he tearfully told us last night. Wherever she is, he will go. </p>
<p>So our son’s plans hinge on where a skinny little blonde decides where she wants to go to school. I pray that she gets in to the schools on the East Coast because that will push him there. But it devastates us to think he’s going to throw away this golden opportunity for a teenage romance. </p>
<p>What would you do? What would you say? He’s agreed to talk to a counselor but I don’t think we can expect her to “push” him to do something he doesn’t really want to do…</p>
<p>Sympathy and suggestion that you post over on the Parents Forum - lots of discussions there about college selection and relationships. All the best!</p>
<p>Not a good scenario…maybe ask him if she would follow him to a school near the music school…If she wouldn’t, that might give him a little insight into this relationship…</p>
<p>Many years, when my oldest was a baby, a neighbor’s daughter had a devoted boyfriend. He got into UCLA…she went to a community college. He joined her. No one could predict the outcome but he never finished college. She joined the family business. They…what a surprise broke up.</p>
<p>We met his parents several years later. (They recognized us). THEY said (their advice) was the biggest regret of their lives was that they didn’t insist that he “try” UCLA for a year. They kids would have been only 20 minutes apart btw, which is different than your situation. Puppy love may grow. But you never know who you might become…or who you may remain.</p>
<p>The parents said that, in retrospect, they should have offered him a bribe to try UCLA. </p>
<p>It has been a LONG time. I hope the kid got on with his life.</p>
<p>The kid across the street from us showed us how it is done. We watched him grow up and he dated the same girl from 10th grade through graduation. It was fun to watch them go to the prom. After graduation me in my wisdom thought, well that’s it. He went to college in Texas, she went to school on the east coast. Well, they kept it going through college and now they are happily married (we went to the wedding). My point is, if your relationship is strong you don’t have to hang all over each other in college to the detriment of both of you.</p>
<p>Looking back, I don’t know if one following the other was ever an option that was discussed. In hindsight, it just looks like they were two mature young people that had a lot of confidence in their relationship.</p>
<p>If she cares for him then she’ll insist on him going to the best school for him. If he thinks this is a strong relationship then he’d realize that it should be able to bear up to the distance. However, it’s possible that neither has the maturity to think this logically.</p>
<p>He (and she) also need to realize that at this time they’re building the foundation for their futures and they need to prioritize it. However, hormones may overcome this as well.</p>
<p>I assume you’ve already had the discussion to at least give the college a chance and see how it goes. You can also explain some of the logistics including breaks when they’d be able to see each other - i.e. it’s not like joining the foreign legion for 4 years.</p>
<p>Of course, we all know there’s a good chance this relationship won’t last no matter which way they go but you won’t be able to convince them of that.</p>
<p>Very true, we’ve only had the news about the acceptance for 2 weeks and there’s still lots of time left for thinking. I’ve got to believe that ultimately he’ll make the “right” decision. I think the approach we’ll take is, “try it for a year, then see how you feel. You can always get into State, you can’t always get into Music School.”</p>
<p>Have you tried to get him REALLY REALLY excited about the prestigious music school? I would be doing everything I could to have him WANT to go there. Help him explore its unique opportunities, read up well known alumni - maybe this spring take another trip to the school, explore the area around a bit?</p>
<p>Seriously, speaking from experience, you need to decide which school you believe in and are willing to pay for and simply (in few words --about 10–so really plan your statement) tell him. He is a kid in love and while you want to be respectful, just do not cave. You are the expericenced adult and you are have the faith and love in him as well as the pay check. If this is real, and it could be, then he needs to learn patience and to understand that he is actually as important as she is.</p>
<p>The reason for the 7-10 words is that no one listens after that.
I have taught assertiveness classes and 7 words can usually say what you need said much more powerfully than more.</p>
<p>I don’t know any guy following a girl to college is an idiot, as is vice versa. That being said, he doesn’t have to decide till may. However, housing is something to consider. I would suggest to son the importance of not closing any doors, as gf may change her school, etc. Also kids think schools are closer then they are and plan these road trips every weekend thinking they will see their beloved all the time. Unless they are in the exact same school the likelihood they will see each other alot more is not great. Was he planning on driving to see her allmthe time. What about the car? Is it his? Who pays insurance? Seems she isn’t that concerned about where he is gonna be going, which suggest he may get the turkey drop</p>
<p>Anything can happen in a year. I totally agree with other posters who suggest that your son go to his dream school for a year.</p>
<p>For us, the opposite happened. S dated a girl a year older and she was accepted to a top state school. S, who we feared might not get into any college (half joking), decided to follow her and applied in his senior year. Well, the girl broke up with him and then he was accepted. S decided to attend. I was ecstatic!</p>
<p>Would he have ever applied to that reach? Who knows.</p>
<p>Give the “keep your options open” speech. Insist on it. Do not close doors on your future. Right now the only way to keep options open is to try the music school (his passion). A golden opportunity has been dropped in his lap. The state school will be waiting on the sidelines. In this case (versus a lot of situations on CC with this girlfriend scenario) the two schools he’s looking at are completely different rather than say two state schools.
And his girlfriend should be thrilled for him if she cared at all about their future (however, that never seems have much impact as an argument.)
Bribes and subtle threats can work too!</p>
<p>I know a girl following a boy to college. He’s going to Ohio State on a sports scholarship. I can’t believe her parents are okay with this. Playing a d1 sport will give him little time to be with her. </p>
<p>I think I would have a really hard time with this, and would “make” him try the school that is best for him for a year and decide after next year. If they are truly meant to be a year won’t be a big deal. Don’t demean the teen love, but this is the time for him to focus on himself.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten lots of good suggestions. Bottom line, don’t turn this into Romeo and Juliet. In all likelihood, they will break up before he has to send in an acceptance. If not, you can fall back on the “try it for one year” thing. State will always be there but music school will not is another good approach. You can, as qdogpa suggests, point out that if she cares for him she can go to a school near his music school, since she has flexibility and he does not. </p>
<p>If push comes to shove, I think I would FORCE him to go to music school for at least one year using the power of the purse. And that is not a step I take lightly. I usually disapprove highly of people who try to control their kid’s choices that way. I just can’t stand the thought of his throwing away such an opportunity. It reminds me of the TV series Everwood, in which the talented pianist threw away Julliard because of a girl. ARGH.</p>
<p>Also consider the possibility that your son is using his girlfriend as a diplomatic excuse not to attend the prestigious music school.</p>
<p>You said yourself that his admission to that school was unexpected and that he auditioned for the hell of it. He may have had an atypically good audition – either by luck or because he felt no pressure on that occasion. But actually attending a music school at this level could be a very different and less pleasant experience. He may feel that he would be in over his head – and he may be right. But it’s hard to say something like that to your parents.</p>
It reminds me of the TV series Everwood, in which the talented pianist threw away Julliard because of a girl. ARGH.</p>