<p>JHS…point taken. I think tawdry is an interesting choice of words for your own daughter.</p>
<p>I agree. “Tawdry” really set a negative tone and made me wonder what’s up with the mother. Perhaps I am too harsh on her, but something is off here.</p>
<p>I have learning differences that were not diagnosed in school.
My parents were both treated for mental illness , but i suspect that undiagnosed perceptual problems made their depression/anxiety MUCH worse.</p>
<p>I also was the “problem” or “fragile” child.
Families are complex structures and IMO never is it the case where one individual is the cause of disharmony in the family.
However, it seems to be often the case that one individual is viewed and treated as if they were the “troubled” one.
The problem with this approach is: it takes extreme behavior by someone for the family dynamic to be scrutinized- often after damage has already been done to relationships and to self image.
By finding one person as the problem, others can take themselves off the hook so to speak, but unless the group dynamic is looked at and each individual also counseled, improvement and healing will be difficult to attain.</p>
<p>I am not discounting the possibility that this young woman has undergone trauma or an illness that are causing this sudden change in personality.
But to label is dangerous because it identifies a specific course of behavior and once labeled behavior that fits in that box will be given closer attention to justify the category.</p>
<p>The facebook video for instance. I havent seen it but if it is something that is being passed around, it sounds dumb but not a big indicator of delinquency.</p>
<p>I think there is a lot more past history coming to a head here and i hope that this family will find the support they need .</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I don’t think the video is the big issue here, in and of itself it would probably not have made it to the post. It is the sneaking of the boyfriend in, the car wrecks, and the episode of holding down the daughter that was the big issue.</p>
<p>^^emeraldkity4: Such an awesome post. I need to second it.</p>
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<p>That is why good counselors treat the client, AND the client’s family. We are social creatures, and when there are behavioral problems, the entire family unit is entwined in the mess. Family members often resist this notion at the outset of therapy, but when treatment is successful, it is because each member of the group has accepted the part they play either in the initial problem, or in the exacerbation of the problem.</p>
<p>OP
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<p>For all siblings, but often especially so for boys: When a brother or sister is struggling, it really effects them more than they show. When there is trouble in the house, the last thing most kids want to do is add to it (so they sometime suffer silently, which can be problematic). In family therapy, his feelings can be addressed.</p>
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<p>Is English the OP’s first language? If not, the nuance of the word may not be clear.</p>
<p>I think the word reflected the discontinuity with the values held by the OP and the resulting despair and disbelief. </p>
<p>I imagine the words were reactive, as opposed to reflective.</p>
<p>I think tawdry is a better word than one might use in its place. To me it means less than optimal morals.</p>
<p>Maybe she was just trying to use a single word that would describe the behaviors she sees and fears … so that her title would describe her fears most efficiently and accurately? By her tone and choice of words in the rest of her posts, I’m guessing she wouldn’t use that word face to face with somebody if she had their undivided attention. And I’m guessing she wouldn’t say that to her daughter’s face, just based on her other language. I don’t know … I think we kind of pick on each other here on CC for the words we spontaneously use, often without any ill intent and sometimes off the tops of our heads. I took her choice of words as meaning, “Help. My daughter is out of control and acting out sexually!” Nothing more. Maybe I’m wrong.</p>
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<p>Except didn’t she print out this thread and show it to her daughter?
I was also a little taken aback by “tawdry” (who uses such an old fashioned word these days? It’s almost quaint.), not to mention the thought of her D reading her initial post, but I think it reflects her sense of desperation.</p>
<p>Yeah. I see what you mean.</p>
<p>Tawdry means “indecent”, “lacking in elegance”. Of course it’s only one of 200 words that I could ascribe to my daughter, most of the others being positive. But it’s the actions associated with this word that have been driving our unhappiness for a while now.</p>
<p>It is interesting that no one objects to the word “dishonest” which possibly, is a greater problem.</p>
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<p>Well, I counseled against all such words in #37. In my view, negative words are quite unhelpful when trying to encourage change in a teenager or troubled person. </p>
<p>If I can be excused for repeating myself, I still think that a good plan is to:</p>
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<p>Am I missing something, or were these words used here, and not to the daughter? If the OP wants/needs to ventilate here and use words whe wouldnt say directly to her daughter, I think thats fine. JMO</p>
<p>I don’t know whether OP used such words to D or not (though I believe she stated that they were reading the thread as a family). So much the better if my suggestion is not needed.</p>
<p>Being a parent is not easy. Growing up is also not easy. I wish the best for you, your daughter, and your entire family as you all work to resolve these issues distressing your family. All I can offer is encouragement as it’s obvious that you love your daughter and it could just as easily be any of the rest of us in your situation. Bless you.</p>
<p>There really are far worse words that she could have used. The mom is really upset with her daughter.</p>