<p>For months we have been trying to get college son to get his own tax filing completed, provide copy of his 1099 for FAFSA purposes, and complete the student part of Profile info for FA purposes. (Without financial aid, he will not be able to continue at his school next year, and he knows it.) Son has not responded to text messages, voicemail messages, emails, and brief conversations about it, despite saying he would. A week ago he finally sent copy of his tax form to us – which was not the copy of 1099 form we requested for FAFSA filing. I sent text messages and left phone messages saying this was not what was needed, but no response. Finally last night he picked up phone when we called (April 17), was rude about it (we were bothering him, he said), but did finally scan and email us the 1099 form. He said he would complete the student part of Profile info last night, but so far have seen no indication of it.</p>
<p>I am totally frustrated with this son, who has shown very little initiative in anything at college. Since he feels free to ignore our requests for information to complete his financial aid materials, I don’t think we need to be paying for cell phone service for him. I want to drop son from our cell phone plan since he feels no need to respond to our increasingly urgent texts and messages about this issue, and let him figure out how to get and pay for cell phone service if he wants it in the future. Am I wrong? Nothing else has gotten this son’s attention.</p>
<p>I feel your pain. My DH was ready to jump in the car, drive 7 hours to college and throttle my son when he called him on the cell phone for which we were paying and got the message “I’ll get back to you if I feel like it”. No wonder he picked a school that far away. </p>
<p>Our kids have lost their cell phone for periods of time, and I’m the one who nearly got the ulcers when I couldn’t reach them. It’s a lose, lose scenario until we can cut those cords without hurting ourselves. Yeah, I blame myself. I spoiled them. LIfe has given the older ones some swift kicks in the back sides that have taught them more than I could have. I think as a parent we need to slowly back away and keep the emotion out of it. They will pay for their shortcomings in ways that will hurt us as we love them so. Vent away here. I don’t know what to say as to what to do, as I feel I have done it all, and it didn’t make a bit of difference on them–had to let real life do the job. Cyber hugs. tea. cookies, and a glass of wine.</p>
<p>You have higher expectations than I do! I fill out both my kids’ FA forms (FAFSA, Profile, and some school-specific forms), I send in the IDOC stuff, I do their taxes. Yeah, it would be a learning opportunity to do those things for themselves, but with FA on the line and college bills to pay… well, I just don’t want the anxiety of waiting for them to do it, and then maybe doing it wrong, etc.</p>
<p>Fortunately all their tax documents are sent here to the house or can be got online, so I don’t need them to send or fax me anything.</p>
<p>I’m resigning my job as their personal accountant now, though, because this January/February was my last round of FA applications for their undergrad. After this, now they’re on their own! Sink or swim, babies. ;)</p>
<p>You could temporary turn his phone off, but going online (AT&T) to the parental control, and choose when his phone will be on. This way if you should decide to give it back to him, there won´t be additional charges to you.</p>
<p>I did that to D1 few years back when she wouldn´t stop texting late at night. When I turned her phone off between 11pm to 8am in the morning, it got her attention. We haven´t had any problem since. </p>
<p>As far as 1099, I was able to get it online from D1´s school without her involvement. You may want to check it online (Bursar, or financial aid) or call them up directly.</p>
<p>You do what you think is necessary to make sure your kid is responsible, courteous, and respectful to you. You are not obligated in paying for a cell phone for him. I disagree with other posters about by cutting off the phone, it´s making it more difficult to reach your son. You can´t reach him now, with or without the phone. I vote for temporary disabling his phone.</p>
<p>My suggestion would be to threaten to cut off the phone, and see if your S will respond appropriately in view of the threats. Then, if he doesn’t, go ahead and cut if off. I would probably just do it temporarily using the administrative controls at first, so that you are able to reactivate it if you decide to do so.</p>
<p>Suspend the phone. if he wants to contact you he will find a way.<br>
Whats the difference now, when he is not in communication anyway?
My vote is to suspend it and see how long it takes for him to find a way to make meaningful contact. Time to grow up and be responsible.</p>
<p>We have threatened to shut off his phone service before, with little temporary improvement, and absolutely no long-term improvement. It’s obviously time.</p>
<p>This is the son who did not come home several nights during Christmas break, and did not bother phoning or texting to tell us he would not be home. One morning after he did not come home we called a couple of his friends to find out if they knew where he was (because he didn’t answer his phone and we were worried he was dead or injured in a car accident somewhere), and they said they didn’t know. When son finally answered his phone later in the day, he lied and said he had stayed with one of the friends we had already called. (It turned out he had stayed with a girl he had met at a bar.) Since he has been in college, we have had a number of instances over the years when he pulled this sort of thing, despite our requests/requirements that he call or text if he is going to stay elsewhere that night. Nothing has changed, and he thinks we are overbearing in our requests.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestion of the temporary suspension of phone service. We will start out with that, and see if he can figure out what it’s going to take to continue to have phone service provided by us.</p>
<p>And we tried, but we could not get his 1099 except from him. As a result, we were unable to fill the Profile without his assistance. We did walk him though filing his income tax return online – the first time he has filed his own return.</p>
<p>*For months we have been trying to get college son to get his own tax filing completed, provide copy of his 1099 for FAFSA purposes, and complete the student part of Profile info for FA purposes. *</p>
<p>You have also posted that your son may be struggling with depression. Apathy & an inability to complete tasks can be signs of depression. Wishing that he was better or using ultimatums to force performance have shown not to be successful when dealing with those who are depressed.</p>
<p>You don’t need the 1099 forms to file his tax return & I think it is unrealistic to expect a student who seems to be overwhelmed to do so.</p>
<p>Is this out of character behavior from high school? If so, I would be concerned. If not I would wonder what sort of structure was put into place before he went to college.</p>
<p>Totally within your rights to stop subsidizing the cell phone. It’s not true that you’ll lost contact if you do: (1) he’s already non-responsive (2) there is email and snail mail.</p>
<p>You might, however, try another tack. I have a pretty non-responsive son. He is totally respectful, responsible (different from what you are experiencing) but he is just a quiet kid - always has been, probably always will be (out of college 2 years now and still the same). If he doesn’t have a need to talk, he just doesn’t call. So… when he was in college and I wanted to hear more, I offered an incentive. He was asking if we’d help him pay for some higher level Internet/cable access than what was basic -sort of jokingly asking, totally expecting a “No” - and I took that opportunity to say that Yes, I’d spring for that if I heard from him regularly, with a “smile” in his voice.</p>
<p>It worked for a while. Hard to change innate constitution, so he just started forgetting again.</p>
<p>But, the point is, even with a difficult kid… incentives might work better than punishment.</p>
<p>However, I reiterate that I think you are totally within your rights to cut off the subsidy…</p>
<p>Maybe you should try a combo pack - tell him that the cell phone subsidy is gone if he doesn’t start cooperating, but that if he <em>does</em> start cooperating, there is (fill in the blank here) in it for him.</p>
<p>I’m with you, 'rent of 2. Much as it would be a teaching moment for college kids to file their own taxes, I was selfish and didn’t want to mess up my life–you know how someone’s procrastination becomes YOUR emergency…</p>
<p>D1 files on her own now that she has graduated from college, although I had to get pretty harsh with her the first time she did it–she’s a just in time doer and sometimes doesn’t allow for any time flexibility. A day late is a problem!! Must have worked, because she went out the same day, got Turbo Tax and finished her taxes (and then opined that how easy it was).</p>
<p>Does your son have any financial aid from his college (including Stafford loans)? If so, he needs to be able to indicate “taxes filed” on his FAFSA before that aid will be finalized for the upcoming year. </p>
<p>Perhaps a gentle reminder that YOU will not be picking up the tab if he loses financial aid will get him to freefile before midnight.</p>
<p>emeraldkity, if it’s a PROFILE school, he needs to provide all 1099s for the IDOC. Claiming the amounts on taxes is not sufficient. PROFILE specifically asks for the 1099s.</p>
<p>Parents may need the 1099 from the school for expenses paid. One of my kids has given me the code to get that info myself. The other kid’s log-in for that is the same login as all of his other student stuff, and he has not wanted to share that. OTOH, when we ask for the info, he provides it. </p>
<p>We spent a day doing taxes with the guys and collecting copies of bank account statements, etc. that we need for FA apps when they were home over spring break. </p>
<p>OP, does your S contribute to his college expenses? We’ve never had a problem with our kids on this kind of thing, because they are taking out Staffords and working, and they KNOW how much this stuff costs, in real, personal terms. That was part of the tradeoff for getting to make a college choice without regard to $$. They knew we’d make it work, but they also knew that paying for college was a FAMILY effort and that they had responsibilities in that regard as well.</p>
<p>I don’t think the cell phone is the issue here. The financial aid, or lack of it, is the issue. Since you said that “Without financial aid, he will not be able to continue at his school next year, and he knows it”, maybe this is his way of saying that he doesn’t want to continue at school. Maybe he’s afraid, or unwilling to discuss this with you, and is hoping that his apathy will make the decision for him. If he really wants to stay at school, he needs to take a little responsibility. Good luck!</p>
<p>Some of these kids will cut off their noses to spite their faces and their parents. They get into an insanity phase. Sometimes it rides out all on its own and as parents we want these years to be as smooth as possible. Once the apron strings, umbilical cord, cell phone bills are cut, that is often it,and IT can be a long trek up if the kid slides down too low. That’s why we enable.</p>