<p>When D got her learner’s permit, I was the one who taught her to drive (my H is too nervous to sit in the passenger seat We had a few tense moments (“stay in your lane!” ) but overall, things went well. She’s a confident, conservative, polished driver that all of the moms want their kids to drive with.</p>
<p>Then there’s my son. Oy. So we go this afternoon to get the learner’s permit (is it bad to say that i’m half-hoping he fails the written test and we get a one-month reprieve?) He’s already an aggressive front-seat driver (“Mom, you need to speed up!.” “Mom, you don’t need to stop at that intersection…if he hits you, it’s his fault!”) and he’s already full of declarations like “driving is easy” and “when I drive places, it’s not going to take so long to get there.”</p>
<p>With D, I did the initial teaching (starting in the enormous parking lot of the major league baseball stadium near our house) then she did 30 hours mandated classroom and then 6 hours with driving teacher.</p>
<p>Okay, so how do I approach this? Saying, “S, you need to approach this much more responsibly” is not working. </p>
<p>It does not sound like he’s mature enough to get a license. </p>
<p>Driving is a privilege, not a right, especially for minors. If you don’t feel that he’s ready, tell him he can’t take the test and get his permit until he matures. </p>
<p>That’s for his safety as well as every other innocent person on the road. Some people are just not ready to drive at 16 and that’s OK. </p>
<p>We have waited (in our large urban city, its fairly common to wait for the learner’s permit)…so he’s 15 3/4 and just now getting his permit…and will likely be close to 17 when he receives the true license. Not sure if this is a valid opinion or not, but my H said, “that’s the difference between boy drivers and girl drivers …boys are just more aggressive drivers.” Not comforting. </p>
<p>Hire a professional driving school if you feel that he isn’t responding in a mature way to your instruction. I agree that if you don’t feel he’s ready, and he clearly doesn’t sound like he’s ready, you shouldn’t allow him to take the test now.</p>
<p>I agree. At the very least he should have to wait to drive at all until he has his street classes with the instructor. It’s kids like him who have caused states to restrict teen drivers such that they can’t drive with others in the car, at certain times, etc. It’s because they think they’re immortal and can do anything they want. I’d make him wait.</p>
<p>ETA-We made my son wait for similar reasons. He was not so much aggressive but just too fast, too impulsive, etc. for us to feel comfortable with his driving a car. He didn’t drive until he was over 18 and on his own.</p>
<p>I think you need to have a third party teach him to drive. He obviously is going to write off anything you say as you just being Mom. <em>I</em> would not want to be on the road with him. </p>
<p>Agree with enrolling him in driving school. My S is very similar in nature and I have really dragged my feet in taking him for the permit. As soon as he gets it he will be behind the wheel with a driving instructor. That instructor will be a good buffer. He will drive with me or H when the instructor says so. I like the security of those dual controls for now!</p>
<p>I agree with the formal driving school. Although that can be expensive, it is a small investment where safety is concerned. </p>
<p>15, 16 or 17 may be a legal age, but it doesn’t necessarily determine maturity. Not all teens will be ready to drive at this age. This is where the parent decides- because he is driving your car, and on your insurance. I think teens tend to consider driving an entitlement when they turn 16, but it is not. It’s a responsibility and a privilege. </p>
<p>You’re in the driver’s seat here, because the car keys are in your hands, and you don’t have to hand them over until you are certain he is ready- whenever that may be, even if he is older than his peers when that time arrives. </p>
<p>Agree with the formal driving school.<br>
Also, discuss before hand all the finances of driving: costs of maintaining car, and insurance, especially for teenage boys. And discuss how you are going to handle possible infractions: will he be responsible for paying for the increase in insurance if he gets a speeding ticket, for example.<br>
Does your state allow new drivers to have passengers? Get all the laws straight before you allow him to have keys…</p>
<p>Oh please. So that gives them a right to put people in danger? Give me a break. </p>
<p>If this is true (which I don’t actually believe), then it’s only true because we allow it to happen. For example, giving someone the keys who doesn’t seem to have the maturity to realize that he’s got the potential to kill someone with the machine he’s operating. </p>
<p>Good advice…today is just the learner permit…which literally means just driving with me…or with an instructor…if he’s too aggressive, I’ll just forgo driving with him and leave it to the instructor (who’s a tough guy). He keeps the learner permit for a year…and then (when he’s close to 17) the actual issue of driving comes up…</p>
<p>Our county just had another tragic accident, with 6 teens (all under 17) in a vehicle, 5 died. The driver (unlicensed 16 yo boy) is in critical condition. Fortunately (and god how dumb that sounds) it was a solo vehicle accident, because I can’t even fathom what would have been had other vehicles been involved.</p>
<p>If the OPs son is “already” making comments as she mentioned he has (“Mom, you need to speed up!.” “Mom, you don’t need to stop at that intersection…if he hits you, it’s his fault!”) and he’s already full of declarations like “driving is easy” and “when I drive places, it’s not going to take so long to get there.” I would say, as the parent, “no you will not be getting a driving permit at this time” AND as the parent I would not back down - this young boy needs to mature. That’s right…BOY.</p>
<p>Your son is not being assertive, however shortening that word would more accurately characterize him. He needs to shut up when you are driving. If I were you, I would just refuse to take him driving until he changes his attitude. Tell him to ask his father who needs to get over his nervousness.</p>
<p>And this nonsense about if you get hit it will be the other guy’s fault is total BS. He needs to understand that your insurance rates will still go up. And it is also possible the other guy can kill or severely injure you even if it isn’t your fault.</p>
<p>I remember once driving with my father and he told me to watch out. I said “I am a good driver”. His response, “I am not worried about you. I am worried about the other guy.” And even though I have a heavy foot, paying attention to that one statement has kept me from being in accidents.</p>
<p>I agree that I would NOT take this young man driving, nor would I allow him to get a permit or drive any vehicle until his attitude changes. Whether one is “right” or “wrong” in a car accident does not mean much if people end up in the hospital or morgue. YOU are the parent and in charge and YOU will be liable if he takes his attitude on the road and injures or kils himself and/or others. </p>
<p>WIth his attitude and criticizing your safe, careful driving, he is NOT ready to have any responsibility for driving ANYONE. There are already too many aggressive drivers and NO it isn’t necessarily a gender thing. He needs to understand that there is NO reset button for broken bones and “almost safely” passing another vehicle.</p>
<p>He also needs to understand DEFENSIVE driving and how it can protect him and others in his vehicle, even though it may not be as appealing to him. I (and i have instructed our kids) always wait at least a few seconds AFTER the light changes so that if some idiot runs the red light, we won’t get hit for proceeding on a green light rather than having a lead foot as soon as the light turns green (like commonly occurs for video games).</p>
<p>Aggression is NOT a good trait for driving and needs to be modified–pronto!!</p>
<p>Some driving schools make students watch movies during classroom time - the movies show very graphic real accident scenes, not just some cartoon zombie apocalypse. Kiddo, who took one of such courses, said even the macho boys in her class were shaken.</p>
<p>I have both a son and a daughter, and the experience of teaching my son to drive was dramatically scarier than the experience of teaching my daughter – even though he picked up the skills more quickly than she did.</p>
<p>Testosterone and gasoline don’t mix well. Unfortunately, teenage guys have a lot of the former.</p>
<p>In our state, in addition to the 30 hours of classroom training and 6 hours of formal behind-the-wheel instruction, a kid has to have 60-hours of adult-supervised driving to get a license. With my son, those were 60 very long and stressful hours.</p>
<p>A couple of suggestions: In some areas, there are driving schools run by off-duty police officers. They might do a better job with a student with testosterone-fueled attitude than other driving schools would. They weren’t available when my son was learning, but I wish they had been. Also, if your son has to do adult-supervised practice driving to get his license, it might help if someone male was the adult sitting next to him in the car at least some of the time. This isn’t just a matter of passing the buck (although that plays a role, too). It has to do with the dynamics of the relationship between a teenage boy and a man vs. a teenage boy and a woman.</p>
<p>definitely have him take professional lessons.</p>
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<p>Oh wow…I’ve heard that before from one son. I had to explain to him several things… </p>
<p>1) even if it is the other person’s fault, we have to be drive defensively because if you’re hurt (or dead!), the fact that it was the other person’s fault isn’t much solace. </p>
<p>2) even when it’s the other person’s fault, an accident is a huge inconvenience…delay while dealing with accident details (you may miss what you wanted to attend), taking your car in for estimates is a pain, your car is now worth less because it’s been hit, dealing with the repair people is a bother, waiting for your car to be fixed, etc.</p>
<p>3) I’m sure there are other things that I haven’t thought about.</p>
<p>Hopefully, your son doesn’t have his own car yet. I wouldn’t allow him to drive your car until he “smartens up”. And do NOT allow him to drive other people’s cars.</p>
<p>Mention in post #14 of it not mattering to people in the morgue reminded me of something our driving instructor had us read. I’m sure it’s still out there-called “Please, God, I’m Only 17!” . It’s not religious, despite the title, it’s the “thoughts” of a boy who was driving too fast, to self-assured and didn’t survive a crash he caused. It made a real impact on me. We also were shown photos of fatal accidents-I can still picture the guy with the telephone pole through his chest…</p>
<p>I have a D turning 15 next week and she has many friends turning 16 this year and are talking about driver’s ed and driving. What I’ve started doing with her is pointing out how important it is to be aware of EVERYTHING going on when you’re behind the wheel-look at that guy who just blew through a red light; notice that truck changing lanes without signaling; see that car actually cause the tires to smoke because the driver wasn’t paying attention to the line of stopped cars…by noticing so many OTHER drivers cause near-accidents, I’m hoping she’ll avoid doing the same things AND realize you can’t only rely on your own skills. </p>
We had a few tense moments (“stay in your lane!” ) but overall, things went well. She’s a confident, conservative, polished driver that all of the moms want their kids to drive with.</p>