<p>Get the permit and then let him take lessons with someone else. You can reevaluate what to do about the real license after that. He may settle down. </p>
<p>I wanted my kids to drive. They were hot to learn until they got their permits, then they weren’t so eager. They were busy with other things and couldn’t see a time to take lessons. H ended up teaching them. H is tough, though, tougher than a driving school instructor would have been. The kids are excellent at parking now!</p>
<p>Anyway, H was the one afraid to let the boys go, so after he taught them, he found a teacher to give them a final exam, a tougher evaluation than the state would require. Once the kids passed this third party’s test, the kids were able to go get a license. By the time all this had taken place, about a year had passed and the boys were also more mature. </p>
<p>There was a program for parents and teens in our community sponsored I believe by the PTA. Essentially a three part presentation – an attorney, a police rep, and an insurance guy. Everything you ever (or maybe didn’t) want to know about teens learning to drive. The policeman’s presentation included photographs of actual accidents from our town. Names were omitted, but like every town, we have had some horrific accidents. This let the kids see the smashed up cars, damaged property, and hear about the personal injury.</p>
<p>If anyone desires to have their child watch the film depicting vehicle accidents (if driver’s ed doesn’t show it anymore)…the one they showed in my area was called “Red Asphalt.” </p>
<p>In the state Happykid learned to drive in, the parent who signed the paperwork when the kid got the permit had to sign again when the kid got the temporary license, and that parent could pull either the permit or the temporary license for any reason until the kid turned 18. I thought this was a great plan. Even if it isn’t the policy in your state, it should be the policy in your house.</p>
<p>“Don’t get cocky, kid.” I wouldn’t take any attitude from a kid I was teaching to drive. He sounds disrespectful of his mom’s driving and her years of experience. Get a private instructor.</p>
<p>Driving style varies by person, not just gender. Of my 4 kids that I’ve taught to drive so far,(and I can’t think of any more nervewracking parental duty) two boys are very cautious, vigilant drivers. Never wanted to drive and were 17 and 18 1/2 when licensed. D is a little more aggressive. No accidents, but tends to speed/follow too close/brake too late–just like her dad. State we used to live in allowed her to take road test at 14 (after only 30 days with a permit.)
Youngest son is more overconfident/impulsive by nature. Rather uncoordinated/accident prone–spacial awareness and reaction time not the best. He was 17 1/2 when he got his permit and 18 1/2 and out of high school when he finally got his license. He failed his permit test and his driving test (went back and passed the next day). He walked to school, had no need to drive during high school. His best friend drove him to a lot of activities–I paid gas money for carpools. He isn’t cocky, just an airhead, like “Oops, I didn’t even notice that stop sign. . .” He rarely drives. He had a few close calls and is scared now. We’ve had a few really stupid/horrifying teen accidents locally, which I hope gave all kids the impression that driving is always, potentially, a matter of life/death. Next up. . . almost 16yo girl who failed her permit test and says she never wants to drive. She’ll probably wait until 18 like her last two brothers. </p>
<p>Neither of my sons was particularly interested in driving, even though they got their permits right away (you have to be 15 and 9 months for permit, and can’t get license for 9 months after you get permit), And we had a car sitting in the driveway waiting for them to drive. One got his license a couple months into senior year, and the other right before senior year. In our area there are no busses and you can’t really walk to anypLace from our neighborhood, so I was surprised they didn’t act faster. Saved me lots on insurance though, so I’m not complaining.</p>
<p>My kids got their licenses because their permits were expiring and they were in college. S was 20 and D waited until she turned 21 so her license was the CORRECT direction so she was fully an adult. Both are happy to be driven but neither EVER gave H nor me “attitude.” I wouldn’t put up with it–sounds VERY disrespectful and makes me concerned about how AGGRESSIVE (not assertive) a driver this young man will be. Young drivers tend to have accidents due to inexperience, but when it is combined with aggression and “being right,” it can increase the dangerousness of the accidents. </p>
<p>If you’re hiring a private instructor, have your S pay for it (earning the funds to do so). Also, carefully vet the instructor–ask around and find one that teaches DEFENSIVE driving, which is crucial these days, with so many distracted drivers on the road–cell phones, GPS and other passengers among many other things.</p>
<p>I had no problems teaching DD or DS to drive. But that’s because I decided early in the game to give the task to DH. I am a more timid driver, and our varying styles was clearly confusing to the first kid. We both went to DMV so we could both sign the paperwork, but I didn’t join the fun until the kids were pretty good and just needed more hours (CO requires 50 hrs, 10 of them at night.) </p>
<p>I am a firm believer in a long period for driver’s permit. Lots of practice, no insurance fees. </p>
<p>My S is 10 hours into his 50 hours driving with us. He and my other son both are cautious drivers. Until today, this S had no real interest in finishing but something must have changed because he came home tonight and said let’s finish his driving in the next week or so. Yeah, it’s going to take a little longer than that. </p>
<p>In our state, people under 18 are required to have, I think, 12 hours with a driving instructor, plus 6 hours of “observation” in the back seat while other students drive. (And 40 more behind the wheel with parents, but it seems no one checks that. My 2 boys had lots more. I LOVED teaching them to drive. It was hairy at first but once they got better it was nice to spend time with them.) Also no permit until age 16, no license until 16 1/2, no friends in the car for 6 months after licensing.</p>
<p>The OPs son sounds a lot like my 15-½ year old S…chomping at the bit to get his permit (which is supposed to be around Christmas time), but a bit cavalier about his driving abilities. He thinks that he’s going to be a “better” driver than everyone else because he’s very good at anything involving eye-hand coordination, quick reflexes, etc. He’s been talking about buying a “Dodge Charger,” whatever that is, he’s not going to get one. I’ll put him in a tank. I’m trying to explain that it’s all about judgement and less about actual skill - the highway isn’t a racetrack. Still, it scares me. We’re going to get professional lessons, and keep him on a short leash, allowing him to only drive around town for at least six months. Gradually, and with good behavior, we’ll enlarge the circle. We did the same thing with the older two with good results, although they are both careful drivers.</p>
<p>I think that either permits should be issued earlier, or licenses later. </p>
<p>In our state, a child can get his permit on his 15th Bday…which gives a year of practice. That is a good amount, but could be longer. </p>
<p>One thing I noticed with my 2 kids: </p>
<p>Older son never paid attention when he was a passenger in the car…nose in a book typically…sitting in the back. Younger son wanted to sit up front and paid attention to everything.</p>
<p>The result was that younger son “knew the road rules” and also knew where everything was in the city. Older son didn’t know where anything was, so when he got his permit, he had to learn how to drive AND learn where everything was (weird, I know). </p>
<p>From the get-go, younger son was a better driver. Older son took some work (ok…a lot of work…lol). He was the one who made the comment about not worrying about being hit if it’s the other driver’s fault (ugh!) We did hire a professional instructor for older son because we felt that he wasn’t listening to us…and he had made some SERIOUS driving mistakes (thankfully, no accidents). </p>
<p>As an aside…I have long thought that kids who rode their bikes a lot (and were cautious about that) are better drivers later on. I think bike-riding is a pre-driving experience.</p>
<p>I don’t know-my H still can’t ride a bike and didn’t drive until he was 21 due to finances and even then didn’t own a car for another couple of years, but taking the bus and knowing how to get everywhere by route planning certainly helped him. He is a very good driver and has never had a ticket. But he is also cautious by nature so that doesn’t surprise me at all.</p>
<p>I agree about the bike riding being helpful. It did amaze me that even though they were fairly attentive passengers, they did not know how to get anywhere when they first got licenses! My younger son missed a dentist’s appointment because he did not know how to get there and could not reach me in time. It was, ironically, in the very same place I took him driving the very first time to practice in a parking lot on a Sunday! He reminded me that <em>I</em> had driven to the lot that day, so he does not remember how we got there!</p>
<p>I have a daughter like your son. We almost got hit today because some adult driver almost pulled over. I almost anticipating that move and she didn’t. But she is coming up to 3 years without accident. </p>
<p>“no friends in the car for 6 months after licensing.” - GREAT RULE. </p>
<p>We heard from friends with older kids that friends can be a big distraction. And it does seem many teens have some kind of incident early on. For family logistic reasons, we did have a “little brother” exclusion rule. The joke was that she didn’t talk with him anyway. </p>
<ul>
<li>Any costs of citations or crashes are his responsibility.</li>
<li>The above includes any insurance surcharge that may result from the citations or crashes.</li>
<li>No more driving unless the above are paid up.</li>
</ul>
<p>Find out what the fines associated with traffic citations are. Let him know what the insurance deductible for crash damage is. Also run some “what if” scenarios with your insurance company (shouldn’t be too hard with web quotes where you put in drivers with different numbers of citations and crashes for each quote) to show him what the insurance surcharges will be after getting a citation or crash.</p>
</p>