"Teaching" your kids to drink responsibly

Parent Cafe
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<p>EMM1, it is not clear to me who your “no, no, never group” refers to but I assume that is directed to posters like me. I am also not sure what case you are resting. Personally, I am not naive enough to think my kids will go to college and “no, no, never” drink. But, I do agree with the sentiment so clearly stated by ucsc<em>ucla</em>dad:

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<p>For various reasons, drinking is a big deal in our family. My kids know that drinking is an adult decision with adult consequences, in part, because I chose not to “train” them to drink alcohol as teenagers.</p>

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<p>OK - I totally understand people’s fears when alcoholism runs in the family. Guess what? It runs in my family!!! Personally I think that’s even MORE reason to help your kids learn how to drink responsibly. I am not an alcoholic. I am a very, very light drinker - maybe once every couple of months. Do you think that if alcoholism runs in your family it means that one taste of alcohol is going “hook you?” I’ve managed to not become an alcoholic, and I hope and pray my children will as well. They totally know the score about our history. A huge part of what we did involved conversations over many, many years. The times when he drank alcohol were very few and far between when compared to the opportunities we took to discuss. (And by the way, if you’ve got that “addictive” gene floating around, if it’s not alcohol it just might be something else that gets you!!!)</p>

<p>The bottom line is, however (in my opinion), it is the unusual child that goes away to college and NEVER drinks. Again, anecdotally, it usually seems to be the kids who did no drinking and partying in h.s. that are so out of control when they first go off to college. I’d rather have my child’s first experience be in the safety of his home, rather than in the middle of 100 other 18 year olds - none of whom love him and want to protect him like his parents.</p>

<p>If the statistics mentioned before are correct (and I’m not positive they are, although it sure as heck seems to me that 90% of h.s. students have tried alcohol) there are probably some people out there who think their kids aren’t drinking, when in fact they are (and I mean in the real world, not here on CC - I’m not making any assumptions about anyone’s kid here).</p>

<p>One last thing: I think the use of the word “train” is silly. Who is training their kids to drink? Not me!!</p>

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Call it ‘training’, ‘teaching’, or ‘practicing’, but it’s all about the same given the context - you’re trying to train him to not drink to excess. Your post seems to imply that you think that ‘teaching’ to drink responsibly and basically ‘practicing’ drinking in the more supervised and non-pressured environment will somehow help prevent them from drinking to excess once they get to college versus if you had not performed that training exercise. You’re not the only person I’ve known who’s had that opinion including a number who post on CC including some of the college students even including one who subsequently died of drinking too much alcohol despite his contention that with all of the ‘practice’ and control he’d had it couldn’t happen to him.</p>

<p>Maybe your method would work with some kids but would probably be detrimental to others and despite my understanding some possible logic behind your philosphy IMO it likely wouldn’t prevent excessive drinking for the social aspects I mentioned in the previous post. However, since this is what you’re doing with your S I hope it works to his benefit or at least doesn’t hurt.</p>

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<p>The link in post #60 is nothing but a chart. There is no explanation of how the research, if it even qualifies as such, was done. </p>

<p>Nonetheless, let us assume for the sake of argument that the number 90% is an accurate reflection of the percentage of teenagers who have tried alcohol. It seems that about half of the parents on CC have given their minor children alcohol at home. If those kids are then asked, in a survey, “have you ever consumed an alcoholic drink?”, the answer would be yes. So much for 90%.</p>

<p>I don’t think most of these surveys are reliable anyway, but if the analysis of surveys of this type do not explicitly account for kids who drink only in their own homes, then the assumption that the Vast Majority of American teens are drinkers is probably a bad assumption.</p>

<p>China, I am happy to see that you qualify some of your claims with the term ‘anecdotally’. They are indeed anecdotal claims. I have never seen a research report that indicates that young college-age binge drinkers tend to be the non-drinkers of high school. Come to think of it, if only 10% of all American teens have never had a drink, how can there be enough new drinkers to account for all those binge drinkers we hear about?</p>

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<p>It’s not about training your kids to drink, it’s about teaching your kids how to make responsible decisions when confronted with alcohol. What you believe is the “responsible decision” is going to vary based on your own perspectives, upbringing, culture, religion and family history. The age of your kids, the circumstances where alcohol presents itself are also relevant. How you go about teaching your kid to make responsible decisions will vary not only based on many of these factors but also on the emotional, psychological and physical development and maturity of the kid. </p>

<p>You can cite all the studies and statistics you want on either side of the issue. None of it is as important as knowing your own kid and understanding how to best approach the issue in the dynamics of your relationship. For the years that I took the approach I did with my daughter, I was an officer of my daughter’s h.s PTO. Many parents I spoke to were aghast at my approach, citing the same type of “legal” considerations and studies as some have cited here. I know what the outcome was with my kid and what the outcome was with many of theirs. I’ll trust my own judgment any day over what the "studies’ and “statistics” and “legal” pundits say.</p>

<p>And for those who make the argument that somehow this issue is analogous to “teaching” a kid to use illegal drugs, the analogy is incredibly specious on so many levels, not the least of which is that you can consume alcohol without the purpose and design of getting intoxicated while the entire reason to use illegal recreational drugs is to get stoned. That is as about as fundamental a difference as you can get when it comes to teaching responsible behavior.</p>

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<p>I’ve spent too much time on this already, but I just can’t figure this question out. I’ve never had the slightest trouble figuring out when I’ve had “enough” to drink. “Drinking responsibly” means stopping when you don’t function well.</p>

<p>It doesn’t take a lot of practice to identify when your head is fuzzy, you are bumping into things when you try to walk, you have trouble pronouncing words, you are laughing at stupid things…</p>

<p>It isn’t rocket science.</p>

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<p>well, I think nrdsb4 said it all.
In our family, there was no conscious “we must teach the kids how to drink” effort. I think it just happened organically - for lack of a better term. At around the age of 17-18, my H would offer them a glass of wine or a beer at family events. Not that alcohol is the center of entertainment - it’s just that wine/beer is expected at our family event just as beautiful floral arrangements and delicious food are. Coincidentally, it was all legal in our particular state but that really was not a consideration. I don’t believe they drank in HS with friends, etc. but I may be wrong. I certainly never detected anything. I know for a fact that both kids have had alcohol at college - definitely illegal for D, S goes to school in Canada so not an issue there. I don’t think they are the type to get falling-down-drunk, but let’s face it, I’m not there every weekend.</p>

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<p>Kids binge drink because they feel they need to drink enough secretly to last them the evening because they wouldn’t be able to get drinks openly. Kids go off to a place where they wouldn’t be caught, they down hard liquor as fast as they could before they go out. Often it’s at some remote place and they could only get there by driving.</p>

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That’s likely true for some but I’m sure there are plenty who are binging purposely, downing shot followed by shot or ‘shotgunning’ (or whatever it’s called) large quantities of beer with their peers cheering them on. I think for many the binge is purposeful and part of the ‘fun’. It’s what the group’s doing so they do it as well either to fit in with the group or simply because they enjoy getting drunk quickly.</p>

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<p>Well, it seems one of these posters might be wrong. If someone is deliberately downing enough drinks to maintain an alcoholic high for the entire evening, then one does indeed have “the purpose and design of getting intoxicated”.</p>

<p>Are we to believe everyone who downs red wine is doing so just because it might lower their blood pressure? </p>

<p>I don’t put liquor in the same category as other drugs, by the way, but it is “specious on so many levels” to pretend it is not a substance that alters body and brain chemistry–that is, a drug.</p>

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<p>They do pre-gaming, which we never did before.</p>

<p>D1 tells me that when they have an event (formal, dinner, dance…), they would all chip in to buy hard liquor to drink beforehand, because they wouldn’t be able to get drinks at those events. What’s interesting is juniors and seniors wouldn’t participate because they are over 21(they could get drinks later if they so choose), whereas almost every sophomore would chip in.</p>

<p>Similarly, our girls could have a glass wine at home if they so choose, but they hardly ever ask for it, or when offered they often said no.</p>

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<p>Most people drink because they enjoy it - may it be for the taste or how it makes them feel. I don’t think anyone is making any excuse why they drink because it is not evil.</p>

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<p>EMM1–did you realize your alcohol “data” was from 1981?</p>

<p>With under 18 sex at over 50%, sex “wins” over alcohol.</p>

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<p>"uess what? It runs in my family!!! Personally I think that’s even MORE reason to help your kids learn how to drink responsibly. I am not an alcoholic. I am a very, very light drinker - maybe once every couple of months. Do you think that if alcoholism runs in your family it means that one taste of alcohol is going “hook you?” "</p>

<p>Actually, I think that’s a possibility because research indicates that people who become alcoholic are more likely to recall their first drink and to remember that it made them feel euphoric. </p>

<p>This research indicates that people who experience euphoria with their first drink of the day also are likely to drink to excess.</p>

<p>"How drinkers respond to the first drink of the day – whether it effects them as a sedative or as a stimulant – is a good indicator if they will be light drinkers or tend to abuse alcohol, new research suggests.</p>

<p>A study published in February 2002 issue of Alcoholism Clinical and Experimental Research demonstrated that those drinkers who experience “euphoria and stimulation” from their first drink are more likely to drink excessively, while those who experience a “sedative” effect will drink lightly…"
[Reaction</a> to Effects of Alcohol Can Predict Heavy Drinking](<a href=“http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/effect/a/aa020701a.htm]Reaction”>Alcohol Addiction)</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling of euphoria is genetically based and also is an indication that the person is predisposed to alcoholism. Consequently, I don’t think that introducing a teen to alcohol at home is going to overcome that predisposition.</p>

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<p>“people who become alcoholic are more likely to recall their first drink and to remember that it made them feel euphoric.”</p>

<p>Well if that’s the case, I guess I’d be off the hook if my son becomes an alcoholic. I was NOT responsible for giving him his first drink…and I think if he did feel euphoric after that first one, its memory was probably blotted out by his memory of vomiting and the overwhelming headache the first experience produced.</p>

<p>Research, surveys, statistics. It’s all great except NOTHING can compare to what MichaelNKat said: it’s all about using your own judgment for your own kid.</p>

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<p>^^^
nor, will it make any difference at all if you believe the research.</p>

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<p>Well said, Nrdsb4.</p>

<p>I’ve posted about this on CC before. I changed my mind totally on this issue as we were in Europe all through the kids’s teen years. “Drinking age” is not a concept in most European countries, it is 16 in Germany (where kids from 8th grade up are given a day off to attend Oktoberfest), and in France, and 18 in the U.K (although anyone over age 16 can go to pubs and they don’t exactly check ID).</p>

<p>There is a huge binge-drinking problem in the U.K. among older people for whom the pub culture is sacred. The drunk driving rate is relatively low, because the minimum DRIVING age is 18, and in the cities few young people drive. In other European countries, you rarely see people getting drunk to excess (during Oktoberfest yes, but they’re tourists), and almost never teenagers, except for American tourists who can’t handle the freedom and responsibility because of U.S. laws and strictness of parents.</p>

<p>In the school in Germany where my kids went for 4 years, some parents (who owned the big breweries) gave out icy-cold beers to the high-schoolers after every event. It was considered rude to refuse. The ticket to prom included 3 alcoholic beverages with the ticket – the principal laughed that they cut the amount down from 5 drinks because “they had a problem”. But the kids could still buy alcohol that wasn’t included! Yet, virtually the only kids who binge-drank were the Americans who were new to Europe and whose parents had imposed a strict moratorium against any drinking. Getting stinking drunk was considered such an idiotic thing to do amongst my kids’s friends that virtually no one did it.</p>

<p>All over Europe the visibly drunk people are the ones who have some sort of restriction in their home countries, and they travel to drink openly in other places. In Scandinavia, alcohol is so heavily taxed that entire planeloads and boatloads of people travel to the Baltic States for the sole purpose of spending the weekend blotto for not very much money.</p>

<p>In the Middle East, Islam strictly forbids alcohol, but what that basically means is that Muslims who have the money (and there are a lot of them) spend large amounts of time in Europe, where they can drink openly, and in neighboring, more liberal Arabic countries, where alcohol is readily available in hotels.</p>

<p>Many Europeans regard American “ways” with bemusement. Americans seem to have a pathological fear and consequent ban qua prohibition for young adults on alcohol and sex, which for the most part serves to drive those rituals underground, as part of the “dirty, bad, risky” behavior that we don’t want them to do. And yet – there seems to be no limit to the exposure to violence in our media. Many American parents seem okay with letting their teenagers watch “Minority Report” or “The Matrix”, which feature graphic violence (and in MR, a violent rape scene repeated over and over) than a movie with sex scenes.</p>

<p>I never “trained” drinking. I understood it as a fact of life that most people encounter in the U.S. and certainly abroad. Most people toast happy events with a glass of champagne. Some occasions call for pouring wine with dinner. Some friends you visit might brew their own beer and want you to taste it. You can think of your own times when alcohol is present and available. It will be the same with our kids. </p>

<p>My kids turned out to be 2 non-drinkers, and 1 I think does drink sometimes. I was never a witch about it, because I found that doesn’t work.</p>

<p>(China, I don’t know why you think you need to knock back on every volley. You asked what people think. They told you. Some of them don’t agree. That’s life. Their Results May Vary.)</p>

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<p>“It isn’t rocket science.”</p>

<p>Of course it’s not. That’s why no kid ever sucumbs to peer pressure, no kid ever drinks until they puke, no kid ever unintentionally drinks to toxicity, no kid ever drinks foo foo sweet punch type drinks until they are blotto without realizing that the drink is stronger than it tastes, no kid ever mixes drinks and gets sick, no girl ever gets a rufi slipped in a drink at a club, no girl ever gets sexually assaulted when booze and social events are mixed and no kid ever thinks it’s cool to see how much they can drink, then puke and start again. And of course, no kid ever thinks they can “handle it” and gets behind the wheel of a car impaired. Because all it takes is knowing when your head is getting fuzzy - which of course can be part of accelerating from sober to totally impaired as the big glass of rum you’ve been sipping for 2 hours suddenly catches up to you.</p>

<p>““Drinking responsibly” means stopping when you don’t function well.”</p>

<p>No, actually it means stopping before you don’t function well, knowing when to drink and when not to, when it’s safe and when it’s not, with whom to drink and with whom not to, where to drink and where you shouldn’t, understanding the dynamics of individual and group behavior as well as your own when alcohol is flowing, when to leave and when to stay, avoiding predatory behavior and how to keep safe, the difference between drinking in private at home and out in a public place or at someone else’s place.</p>

<p>If it were so simple, this thread wouldn’t exist.</p>

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Did you take your kid to the morgue when you taught him to drive? I find a lot of the arguments here perplexing, unless you really believe we should return to Prohibition. At age 21, these kids can legally drink. Most people in our culture think drinking is OK. Kids are not blind or stupid. They can see the absurdity of people freaking out and taking them to the morgue at age 18, while at age 21 they can do what they want with no restrictions. Why can’t we have a phased approach, like we do with driving–which is a better analogy than drugs, because it’s something we thing is dangerous and stupid for youngsters to do, but is normal and accepted for adults. In between, we restrict and supervise.</p>

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<p>AAAAAAARGH!!!</p>

<p>“OK - I totally understand people’s fears when alcoholism runs in the family. Guess what? It runs in my family!!! Personally I think that’s even MORE reason to help your kids learn how to drink responsibly.”</p>

<p>If you understood the first thing about alcoholism, then you would know that it isn’t about “drinking responsibly.” It isn’t a self-discipline problem. It isn’t a lack of responsibility. You can’t “teach” your kid not to be an alcoholic. They are or they aren’t. The alcoholics in my family are not alcoholics because nobody taught them to drink responsibly. </p>

<p>So far this semester, they’ve had nine alcohol poisonings at Depauw University. Nine! I don’t think that’s because the kids didn’t learn how to drink. I think that’s because we keep perpetuating this tired old idea that college and alcohol are synonymous. There is more information out there than ever about binge drinking. Colleges are being more aggressive about alcohol education, and yet the problem keeps growing. Perhaps the parents need to be doing something different on their end.</p>