<p>I agree to not keep silent. Just be prepared for a community-wide reaction in which the ex-girlfriend may be re-victimized emotionally by friends of her ex. </p>
<p>We had a situation a couple of years ago in which a parent called the police after witnessing a girl on the cheer team get hit by her boyfriend. It became a huge ****storm. Unfortunately the BF came out of it a victim of sorts (in some eyes) including, sadly, those of his battered young girlfriend.</p>
<p>We just received an email from the “mother of the bride” that an upcoming wedding has been called off. The groom put the bride into the hospital with a broken nose, and a head injury. omg</p>
<p>The MOB had no idea this sort of thing was going on. I certainly would want to know.</p>
<p>^how scary mom2collegekids</p>
<p>CTTC - no, such a professional would not likely be a mandatory reporter, that would violate the purpose of his or her job. In fact, the laws are often very strict prohibiting reporting, for therapists and others to whom this girl might be talking. Confidentiality must be maintained unless she is a risk to herself and others.</p>
<p>I would encourage the girl to document everything with her therapist (or whoever else she’s seeing for counseling), and to now write off the idea of reporting, particularly if there were hidden bruises and witnesses. That not only gives her the ability to report at some point, but also will be available if he does something to the new girlfriend, and she wants to help provide context.</p>
<p>As I said earlier, I would have her mother tell the new mother’s girl friend. I would NOT use the grapevine, or find some other way to get the information to the mother. Direct mother to mother conversation is less likely to get back to the boyfriend, and does not involve spreading what could be considered as rumors.</p>
<p>The boyfriend broke up - he may have discovered that the new girlfriend is the perfect victim precisely because she doesn’t share things with her mother. If he chose her for that reason, she could be in serious danger. While your friend’s daughter needs to deal with her own issues first, and doesn’t need to pile on any issues associated with any public outcry, what happens if the new girlfriend is seriously hurt? Those who know what happened may question why she didn’t do anything, but more importantly, SHE may start to question her own motives. How will she feel if something happens that she could have prevented?</p>
<p>I would suggest the mother talk with the therapist about the next steps. Reporting has consequences, but not saying anything does too.</p>
<p>We are told that the ex-GF told her mom that the new GF saw him abuse her. Since the abuse is described as being both verbal and physical, this could range from her having witnessed him saying mean things to the ex through him hitting her. We don’t know.</p>
<p>Does this arise to “other people saw the abuse”? Not without more details, IMHO.</p>
<p>FWIW, I personally have known two females who made false abuse claims on more than one occasion, both of them individuals who could appear very plausible to others, both of them individuals with significant psychological issues not apparent to many others, one of them a teen. They are, of course, a tiny number and grossly outnumbered by real abuse victims. </p>
<p>It is good that the ex-GF is seeking therapy. Perhaps that will help her and her mother decide what to do. In the meantime, the mother of the ex could go to the mother of the new GF and lay the story out to her, making it clear that this was what was told to her by her D and that her concern is that the new GF not suffer the same fate. I wouldn’t expect to be greeted with open arms, though at least her conscience would be clear.</p>
<p>Worst–and IMHO most probable–case, mother of new GF tells her D, who tells everyone else that jealous dumped GF is spreading rumors about her “wonderful” BF, everyone believes it, and horrendous drama ensues.</p>
<p>The abuse needs to be reported to police or the one who knows about it could potentially be charged if the the abuser ever gets charged.</p>
<p>Teen girls experience the highest rate of violence from a partner (ages 16-24). FORTY percent of girls aged 14-17 say someone they know has been abused by a boyfriend. One in three girls in high school has or will experience violence in a relationship. These abuses often go unreported for a variety of reasons, some tied to the girls’ age and inexperience.</p>
<p>[ACADV:</a> Dating Violence](<a href=“http://www.acadv.org/dating.html#statistics]ACADV:”>http://www.acadv.org/dating.html#statistics)</p>
<p>These are NOT statistics that would lead one to conclude that teenage girls are prone to make up abuse stories to get back at a boy for dumping them. They instead show how prevalent it is, and in fact, most of us probably know a teen that has been abused by her boyfriend. </p>
<p>The argument that it wasn’t seen by the right people or that their is no “proof” is ignoring the reality that chances are, this girl was not the first victim of the BF and won’t be the last. But thanks to professional help, the girl can recognize the signs and learn what to do to stop it if it happens again, which is entirely possible.</p>
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<p>Really? The girl is a minor, the boy is older, and the professional doesn’t have to say anything? </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.evawintl.org/images/uploads/AEq%20Reporting%20Requirements%20for%20DV%20Victims.pdf[/url]”>http://www.evawintl.org/images/uploads/AEq%20Reporting%20Requirements%20for%20DV%20Victims.pdf</a></p>
<p>OP here - update, sound like a good one! My friend’s D took it upon herself to speak with her (ex) friend. The friend/new girlfriend said the boy had already begun to call her names, etc, but had not hit her. The girls discussed the situation and the new girlfriend said she didn’t like him all that much and said she would rather be with the friend group (many who were no longer friends with the boy due to his behavior). So it would seem that the girl is safe for the time being! I am sure that there will be some flack, but it seems the friend group has rallied around both girls.</p>
<p>srw, SO GLAD to hear it! Wonderful to hear of teenage girls being supportive of each other and strong.</p>
<p>It is awful to think that this boy is apparently a confirmed abuser at such a young age. I hate to think what will become of him and of the women in his life. If only there were some way to stage some kind of intervention and get him into therapy or something NOW.</p>
<p>^^ Completely agree. He likely has been exposed to violence in the home and is continuing the cycle.</p>
<p>OP, that’s really good to hear. Both girls are being very brave. Good thing the new GF believed the old one even without seeing bruises, etc. Middle and high schools REALLY need to address this issue. There are outside groups and agencies that provide materials for kids. This should be right up there with drug and drinking education.</p>
<p>I am so pleased to hear that these two young women had an open dialogue about this and that your friend’s daughter was received well by the friend. Love to see girls being there for other girls, bravo! I hope this young woman feels proud of herself for having a voice and helping someone else too…</p>