<p>what would be wrong with “dating”…not getting the issue there…</p>
<p>you and dad need to be on the same page, to a degree</p>
<p>I would bet, knowing dads, that in a couple of years, when D is older and REALLY interested in boys, he may get a bit more conservative…</p>
<p>I think it is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect your children not to have romantic relationships until they are ready to get married, and at the same time expect them to get married only after they completed their education (and possibly professional or graduate school).</p>
<p>Dating and having sex do not automatically go hand in hand.</p>
<p>I don’t expect my kids to be virgins when they marry, but I’m not crazy about a long parade of lovers in their history, either. I’ll never forget my niece bringing one boy home for Christmas after another…every year a new one. My 87 yr. old mother said, “is she sleeping with every one of these boys?” and I told her that that’s what people who date do, now. (“relationship” whatever). She thought it sad to share something special with so many different characters. I can’t say I blame her. As far as dating without sex, I don’t know anyone who’s done that after a certain age unless they’re extremely religious.</p>
<p>SBMOM- good advice may I hire you to talk with my kids? I like the approach you have taken as we feel we are being dragged quickly to discuss these issues with my 15 year old daughter whether we think it is the appropriate time or not. Societal influence is very strong and now we feel it full force. Amazing how one day you have a loving 12 year old daughter and the 3 years later she thinks she is 21! :(</p>
<p>I really wish that Planned Parenthood or SOMEONE had classes for boys to discuss birth control. My kids go to a Catholic school, so, obviously, that’s no help. And I think it would be much better coming from someone besides their mom! (I’ve given it my best though, really. Dad is no help at all.) I even called PP and they said they used to have all-boy classes but gave it up. WHY???</p>
<p>I agree, Weenie! My husband won’t talk about sex with my son. I think he has good intentions, but conveniently never QUITE gets around to it, so I end up answering all the questions. I’m better than nothing, I guess. I’m hoping in the LIfe Skills class at school (secular private) they’ll address some ot the birth control issues. (8th grade)</p>
<p>I’m with you also, weenie and dke.
My husband is fabulous on the emotional issues and the kids do go to him for relationship questions but he just can’t stand the technical talk.
I’m the one who has to discuss the mechanics.</p>
<p>I have a system.
I start lectures, discussions, explanations in the car. The kids can’t escape and they don’t have to look me in the eye, which reduces their embarrasment.
I actually went to our local drug store to scope out the birth control section. Condoms are in a locked case and they didn’t even have female condoms. I asked the pharmacist to help me and we had a very funny discussion searching through all the products looking for female condoms. It would not be easy for kids to get what they need.</p>
<p>My friend recommends putting a bowl of condoms in the powder room but we’ve both been too chicken for that. :)</p>
<p>With respect to that last suggestion, I know myself to well. Unless there were a <em>lot</em>…which in turn would raise a different set of questions…I’d be aware of the “count” going down.</p>
<p>TMI.</p>
<p>One of my friends bought a huge box, the kind you’d encounter in a public place like a health clinic; don’t know where but maybe costco? Pult them in the linen closet and showed her kids it was there.</p>
<p>Once, I was visiting my nieces new apartment, she is in thehealth field, and had 5 (egad) roommates</p>
<p>Well, she was showing me , my little Ds (at the time) and her grandma…I walk into the room, and right at the door, in a basket, was a bowl of condoms, all kinds…so if anyone needed one (these were all people in their 20s) they were there…</p>
<p>Me, I placed my self in front of the bowl, so grandma wouldn’t have a heart attack…</p>
<p>I did tell my niece later what happened, she laughed, and said, well, she forgot they were there…I told my Ds that it was a good idea, because people will have sex in their 20s, so better to be safe than sorry</p>
<p>Ya know what- grandma probably wouldnt have a heart attack at the thought of people having protected sex
I realize every generation thinks they * invented it*
but um- hate to break it to you- but if people didn’t procreate- we wouldn’t have anybody left
right in the entry way is kind of an odd place though- do people usually do it in the door way?
Probably the bathroom would be a better place</p>
<p>i just read the article, and i found very interesting. i mean, a lot of my friends and stuff think that oral sex is no big deal and that it is not really sex. but i think oral sex is far more intimate than normal sex.</p>
<p>I would disagree with that
I think face to face sex- especially kissing with your eyes open is one of the most intimate things you can do.
In oral sex- you aren’t looking at their * face*- and frankly it is easy to pretend it is anybody elses fiddly bits you are looking at- or to pretend that someone else is doing * your * fiddly bits
But it is pretty hard to fantasize that someone else is being intimate with you- if you are looking into their eyes :)</p>
<p>Hotpiece, I have to agree with you. Emeraldkity, you can always just close your eyes :). Evidently many teens consider oral sex, “not sex” which is why our local free STD clinic is seeing record numbers of girls with gonorrhea of the throat–ages range from 11 and up.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that there are actually girls who will willingly have anal intercourse to protect their virginity. And yes they still claim that they hold the V-Card.</p>
<p>This is just too much for a mother to process as she’s about to send her oldest kid off into the wilderness, I mean college.</p>
<p>Grandma was 80 year old Irish lady, she probably would have been okay, but why put it in her face…sometimes decorum and respect are necesarry, some people are more private about sex…and that should be respected</p>
<p>it was the entry of her bed room, right by her door…it was actually a good stop, private enough, but easy access</p>
<p>i find oral sex to be repulsive. i mean, why would anyone want the male anatomy in their mouth. when i was in the 7th grade, i saw an oprah special about oral sex, and all the girls on the show said that whenever they gave head, the pen-s smelled of pee. i really don’t think i could handle putting that in my mouth…</p>
<p>yes I realize you can close your eyes
but I was saying what I thought was most intimate
I agree that some people have a taste for oral sex and others don’t- that is their choice- but the intimacy is more about the connection between the two involved & I still maintain that eye to eye contact is much more intense.
But as far as “respecting” grandma goes,unless your niece stuck it there to bring up a topic of conversation that she knew grandma would be uncomfortable with, i would say that it was * her house* and that part of respect, is respecting that grandma is mature enough to understand that others are living their own adult lives, and they are not going to run around * hiding* things in their own house, because they think it will upset her.</p>
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<p>Outside of the context of a an intimate partnership that is based on true love, respect, and a genuine desire to please your partner, I can imagine that it could easily be viewed as repulsive. When used as a substitute for regular intercourse by young people (and sometimes VERY young people) who do not share those things with their sexual partner, it is probably not very satisfying (particularly for the giver). Even within committed and loving relationships, some do not care for this act. But it IS a very different dealio when you are with someone whom you love deeply and with whom you are in a committed relationship.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>