Teenage alcohol & drugs: Can it be stopped? How?

Parent Cafe
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<p>My school district had this really huge discussion program on teenage consumption of drugs and alcohol. Here people say that about 70-80% of all students get drunk or smoke marijuana on a regular or semi-regular basis. The weekly parties are not “parties” if there is no alcohol. How can it be stopped? Is it possible? Some proposed that since the problem can never go away on it’s own, we might as well legalize such actions so teenagers do not consume too much in one sitting when given the opportunity (because they can spread out the craving over time, for example, one to two beers everyday). People also are afraid of getting into trouble when someone actually passes out because of overdosage, so they do not call for ambulance. The school-sponsored info sessions simply do not stick.</p>

<p>How can we reduce the underage or illegal consumption of alcohol and drugs? Is there any hope at all?</p>

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<p>Probably not. It ebbs and flows a bit but seems fairly constant and may even be higher in upper income than lower income areas.</p>

3

<p>parental intervention works.</p>

<p>Why not have your kids’ urine tested?</p>

4

<p>You can’t “save” every child from alcohol and drugs, so just focus on those that you really care about.</p>

5

<p>Its called PARENTING</p>

<p>Those kids are not monitored, they have the parties somewhere, either private or public property, parents are not around- and how are they getting the booze- stealing it, older siblings, renting kegs? </p>

<p>If something happens to a minor child in a house those parents can be held liable…say drinking and crashing into coffee table, and if parents are not there…well…</p>

<p>So, if you had a meeting, and parents where there, and they say 70-80% of the kids are partying, say, some culpable parents didn’t show up, most likely at least 50% of those parents are guilty for not monitoring their minor children</p>

<p>1- check on them when they get home, if under the influence, take care of business</p>

<p>2- if you are going out of town, do not leave teens…or warn neighbors and tell them to watch your house and if it look like more than a few kids are showing up to play, to call you ASAP, and have a back up plan if you can’t get home in time</p>

<p>3- if friends are crashing at another house, if your child has a record of partying, call those parents to check…so its annoying, and if parents are offended, then you don’t want oyur kid there anyway</p>

<p>4- if there are local places where kids go- beach, park, playground, set up a kind of neighborhood watch…to get out of the house, drive to those areas and just show that adults are paying attention</p>

<p>Just this weekend, my D and her friends dropped a kid home, he called a mutual friend looking for a ride, he was drunk, so the girls said we better get him home…not sure where he lived, they called me and I looked up address…he proceeded to throw up all over car…nice…</p>

<p>anyway, got him home, mom came out, and saw girls were sober, thanked them, and took her really drunk boy inside</p>

<p>the girls then called me, asked how to get vomit out of a car, so i got my rubber gloves, lysols, etc, house and cleaned car for driver</p>

<p>anyway, the next day, the mom called, thanked my D, thanked me, offered to pay to have car cleaned </p>

<p>her son, well, he was punished in that his parents have lost total trust in him, he is grounded for a bit, and his activities must now all be verified, calls made, proof, if he doesn’t answer phone within a certain time, he has to check in ALOT…</p>

<p>Mom and dad are taking care of business </p>

<p>And if other parents aren’t be that pain in the behind parent who does</p>

<p>What did the school suggest parents do…</p>

<p>THose weekly parties are happening somewhere…that is the place to start</p>

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<p>I agree, it has to start with parenting. So the question is how do you reach the parents. Our school district started a drug/alcohol task force about 3 years ago, involving parents, resource officers, school administration, county PR rep, and other community leaders in medicine, psychology, criminal justice, etc. Information on risky behaviors such as drugs/alcohol/sex was sent home to parents and presented in small groups to students. Inmates from a youth facility talked at schools, as did AIDs victims and teenage mothers. A large symposium was put on at the local college each spring with lots of prior press releases.</p>

<p>Guess what results have been? Those that attended the forums were the parents who were already involved and wanted to know more. The high risk kids, the kids who were already over the line—nary a parent from those groups. I don’t know what affect it had on the students who were a captive audience in school—hopefully some listened and at least they were made aware of support services.</p>

<p>It is so frustrating!</p>

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<p>I agree that the answer to the drug and drinking problem is PARENTING. Isn’t that ad campaign true: Parents-the Anti-Drug.</p>

<p>Here’s an anecdote to support that notion:</p>

<p>My relative’s child was in a terrible car accident during freshman year of college(DUI) and luckily friends in the car were not harmed, but child was: burned and given 10% chance of survival on the first several nights in burn unit/icu. Induced coma for over a month while undergoing many surgeries. </p>

<p>It has been 6 years since the accident and still just finishing up surgeries. </p>

<p>Background? Parents looking the other way while child went to parties and had big parties at home. Child was an honor student/top 10% of class and two sport athlete. </p>

<p>I was a houseguest one weekend and witnessed the parents going to bed early while a party ensued in the house. I had to tell the kids to go home; told the parents the next day. Parents just did not think it was happening or did not want to face it. </p>

<p>During physical/burn rehab, mom told me that she was responsible for what happened to her child because she turned a blind eye to it all. Her advice? No parties (away or at your own home) and know who your child’s friends are. Get rid of the bad influences.</p>

<p>Child is doing very well now, both physically and academically and working toward excellent goals and has life in order, changed lifestyle.</p>

8

<p>Expecting the school to do it all is not going to work. It will take a three-pronged approach. </p>

<p>1) The school must put zero-tolerance rules in place for ECs. A student caught with alcohol/drugs in or out of school is removed from teams, ECs, etc., until some sort of community service has been completed. (Incidentally, getting the faculty in line on this can help; you’d be amazed what faculty overhears and chooses to ignore. If they have a place to report rumors about parties, and someone to chase down the big parties (police), things change in a hurry.)</p>

<p>2) The police must start doing roadblocks near the party places. Around here it was the big state parks. Checking enforcement at places where liquor is sold also goes a long way.</p>

<p>3) The parents must start checking on where their kids are.</p>

<p>Usually these things don’t come together until there is some sort of major accident/death related to alcohol or drugs.</p>

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<p>At D’s HS, the punishment for an athlete was 120 days off of the team. So, in reality, you miss the season. Many schools won’t consider this and risk losing the star athletes, and the parents don’t like it either. </p>

<p>The message is very clear to the kids once they see the star on the sidelines. It works.</p>

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<p>What about all the parents who actually condone drinking? I am amazed at the number of parents who either outright let kids drink in front of them or take keys away from kids when the party is at their house because they don’t want the kids to drink and drive. If you suspect that the kids are going to be drinking at a party in your home, then you need to be in the room with the kids, circulating and making sure its not happening.</p>

<p>The parents who allow drinking make it harder for all the other parents. They are perceived as the “cool” parents and those are the only parties the kids want to go to. Every year our school makes it clear to the parents what all the legal consequences of teen drinking are, but nothing ever changes. The sad part is, the majority of the kids are drinking and the ones who are not are made fun of and seen as immature. Despite a no-drinking policy in place for kids involved in ECs, it is almost never enforced by the school. There is so much drinking going on that they could lose an entire team after just one party. Furthermore, many of the kids brag about their drinking on sites like myspace and facebook, and no one at the school ever confronts them about it. (And, I’m fairly sure my kid’s school is monitoring those sites). I think it is going to take a major tragedy to get some of these parents to wise up.</p>

11

<p>Have the following book be required reading:</p>

<p>Wonderland Avenue by Danny Sugerman</p>

<p>That’ll do it.</p>

<p>I’m serious. Read my review at amazon.com. I buy extra copies of the book and give them to any of my son’s friends who are partiers.</p>

<p>(Note: don’t dismiss it because of the profanity and a few s*x scenes. It has tremendous redeeming value.)</p>

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<p>I just ordered the book lealdragon - thanks for the recommendation!</p>

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<p>I’m a kid so let me tell you what are the most effective things my parents do to keep me away from all the good stuff…my parents do it for my good so I don’t resent it but I definitely use my opportunities to have a little fun while I can. Moderation is the key–but if you’re a kid you just can’t moderate yourself, it’s all about parental restriction. I’m grateful to my parents for that–I have friends who are addicted to cigarettes and who think getting totally drunk and wasted is the only way to have a social life.
Know your kids’ friends. This is THE most important thing. If you worry about certain friends, then don’t try to get the kid to dump the friend. That won’t work. But don’t allow the kid to go out with the friend. They can hang out at school or at your house, but not out alone with each other.
DON’T LET YOUR KID DRIVE. Trust me…this is the way most kids I know can get around their parents and do things on their own that parents can’t keep track of. If your kid must drive, then check the car regularly.
Don’t give your kid cash. Give him/her a credit card for emergencies but keep cash to a minimum. Check your kid’s wallet for fake IDs, receipts, etc.
Don’t let your child drive him or herself to parties. This way you can control when the kid gets home, and the kid will be forced to stay at least somewhat sober, since they will have to present themselves to you at pick up time.
Understand that your kid will do some things–one toke or the occasional drink won’t hurt anyone, but if the behavior becomes a habit, it will take on a larger role in your kid’s life than it should. You can’t stop your kid completely from doing “bad” things but by taking these measures you can limit it to rare occasions, which are ok!</p>

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<p><em>shrugs</em> MallomarCookie’s post is a regional thing. I don’t drive (I’m a teen), but I’m already pretty independent of my parents transportationally (I doubt that’s a word) just because the public transportation around here is good enough that I don’t need a car.</p>

<p>Also, frankly, Mallomar’s post creeps me out a little “check your kid’s wallet…” I’m sorry, but I do not want my mother going through my wallet.</p>

<p>Really, if you ask me though, the best way to keep your kids from getting wasted and doing drugs is to be with them when they first drink. I first started drinking small amounts of wine when I was maybe nine years old, it was just sips from my dad’s cup. Then over the next three-four years those sips turned into cups at dinner. The first hard liquor I ever had was also with my dad when I was thirteen years old and he gave me a shot of vodka.</p>

<p>I am a responsible drinker, I don’t do it often and I don’t do it on schoolnights. I’ve been drunk before, but never smashed to the point where I can’t control my actions or end up vomiting. I don’t do drugs. If that’s your desired result, a responsible kid who can have some fun now and then, I think my dad’s strategy was pretty darn good.</p>

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<p>Mallomar and Browsing: thanks for your input! It’s great to hear the kids’ point of view!</p>

<p>Here is how we handled it (besides reading Wonderland Avenue, which was definitely a contributing factor but probably not the only factor):</p>

<p>Honesty. </p>

<p>Both my hubby and I were intense partiers when we were teens (Hey, we were teenagers in the 70s! Known as rocker ‘freaks’ back then - Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, concerts…getting high was a normal daily occurence, and getting drunk at least a weekend occurence).</p>

<p>I know that roughly half the kids I went to high school with drank and got high. Maybe more. So where are all those people now? They are our office co-workers. They are (some of) the parents on this forum.</p>

<p>Yet, how many of them have been honest with their kids? I know of many who would never admit to their kids that they ever got high for fear of their kids thinking ‘well if Mom did it, then it’s ok for me to do it.’</p>

<p>Actually, in our experience, the reverse turned out to be true. My hubby & I decided to take the ‘honest’ approach. (Just for the record, the most he ever has now is an occasional beer, not even any liquor, and I have not had any more than an occasional glass of wine in 24 years. The pot was a high school thing.)</p>

<p>We told our son from the time he was 12 that we used to do that stuff. I told him that I almost lost my sanity from a bad acid trip, was hooked on speed for a year and got very strung out and almost got caught at work and almost got fired, and the 6 years that I smoked pot every day is a big blur. I honestly have very foggy memories of that time. I told him about the time I puked upon coming home, and hoped my mom wouldn’t notice, since I didn’t turn on the bathroom light, but the next morning she told me there was a big mess in the bathroom. I was 13. It wasn’t the last time I got so drunk I puked. I am just incredibly lucky I never got raped. Could have happened so many times!</p>

<p>I told him about how I scored so high on a computer logic test that a prospective employer offered to pay 100% of the tuition to send me to college for 4 years, while working part-time for his company, and I turned it down because I didn’t want to give up my partying. (One of my biggest regrets, needless to say)</p>

<p>I admitted to him that pot is relatively benign COMPARED TO other drugs, and even to alcohol in some ways, but it is STILL NOT WORTH IT. We used to be SO smug - we used to say ‘I don’t smoke…(long pause)…cigarettes’ and be so proud of the fact that we could drive stoned and not be a hazard on the highway like drunk people.</p>

<p>Wrong. Dead wrong.</p>

<p>Pot slows the reflexes and distorts reality. It might not be quite as impairing, but it is definitely impairing. One should NEVER drive stoned, or even a little high!</p>

<p>Often teens do not believe that pot is bad because:</p>

<p>a.) the adult telling them not to smoke pot has never known the feeling of being high, so what does s/he know? Admitting that you actually did it at one time shows that you know what you are talking about, and your kid will probably respect you more because you tried it, liked it, yet made the decision to quit. And, you can speak from experience.</p>

<p>b.) They think that the adult is blowing it out of proportion. I know I thought that. I thought that my mom was just ignorant of the facts. She made pot sound so awful, as if I would turn into a monster. Better to be honest about the fact that, unlike alchohol, pot usually mellows people out - doesn’t make them violent. It just makes them STUPID.</p>

<p>STUPID.</p>

<p>Why on earth would you want to do something that makes you stupid???</p>

<p>Those 6 years are lost from me forever. I went to over 300 concerts during that time, but when I look thru my ticket stub collection, I find myself thinking, “Did I really see Judas Priest 6 times? Why do I not remember it?”</p>

<p>What a waste of what could have been some great musical memories.</p>

<p>6 years of being lost in the haze of marihuana smoke.</p>

<p>Don’t try to tell your kids that pot is somehow ‘bad’ and then they see you drinking alcohol. They won’t believe you. They’ll think you are a hypocrite. They’ll think that the only reason pot is worse than alcohol is that it’s illegal.</p>

<p>What used to amaze me, and still does, is when I hear people boast that they never did drugs, then brag about how drunk they got last weekend.</p>

<p>???</p>

<p>BOTH are DRUGS. Make no mistake. Your kids know it. Don’t try to kid them. They are not stupid. The only difference is that one is legal and therefore socially acceptable.</p>

<p>Yet, look at all the problems alcohol consumption causes. It’s not ‘ok’ just because it’s legal.</p>

<p>You don’t need to make pot sound worse than it is. It’s already bad enough that it fogs up the brain. </p>

<p>Teens: don’t believe me? You think I’m wrong because you are a straight A student? Well, so was I. 4.0 GPA. I thought I was totally clear-thinking all thru h.s. and (the 2-year) college that I ended up at.</p>

<p>It wasn’t until after I quit getting high for a few months, then did it again a couple of times, that I realized just how foggy I had been on a daily basis but hadn’t noticed.</p>

<p>Once I got my head clear, no way would I ever want to fog it up again! But I never even knew I was fogged up until I quit, since I started when I was 15.</p>

<p>(Why do you think we used to have posters saying ‘Onward thru the fog’?)</p>

<p>Anyway, the outcome was that our son was so TURNED OFF by our alcohol/druggie stories that he wants NOTHING to do with it. He thinks his parents are old ex-hippies and he is FAR more sophisticated than that. He now views his friends with disdain when they get wasted, and he doesn’t even like it when my hubby has a beer.</p>

<p>So, that’s my story. It worked for us. I hope it may be useful for some others.</p>

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<p>tip about Wonderland Avenue: Don’t tell them it has redeeming value. Just tell them it has lots of s*x, drugs, & rock-n-roll. Then they’ll read it. Once they get past the first chapter or 2, the book will take over.</p>

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<p><bump…></bump…></p>

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<p>For some kids, just putting a standard question on a college application will do. Right after the line about charged with or convicted of a crime:</p>

<p>“Have you ever used alcohol (if under age 21) or have you ever used an illicit drug?”</p>

<p>Some kids will lie; that’s okay. There are lots of lies or stretchings of the truth on college applications. But if the kids begin to think that the colleges care, it will go a long way.</p>

<p>(In the interest of full disclosure: as a teen, I never met a drug I didn’t like, except for alcohol, which puts me to sleep. Knowing that the question would be asked would have had a huge impact on me.)</p>

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<p>I’m not sure what you mean. Can you explain?</p>

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<p>lealdragon: I have not read Wonderland Avenue, but am curious to hear more about what you think it is about this book that will make young people read it or how/why it would actually influence their views on drugs and alcohol? Am interested in finding some eye-opener resources for my college freshman son that he might actually pay attention to - before he gets more caught up in the drinking culture at college than he already is (I hear enough although I suspect not all). How much do you think young people will internalize from this book? My concern is that many would still distance themselves from the events described in it because it is so far removed from their own lives.</p>