<p>I remember being 17. I sort of wanted to have sex with whatever boyfriend I had at the moment, but I didn’t really , truly want to. Thank goodness my parents had limits that I could use as an excuse. Boys were very persuasive!<br>
That was my background with my kids… Give them an excuse, talk openly.
Our rule was no opposite gender friend when we weren’t home except for pre-approved individuals.</p>
<p>"Our rule was no opposite gender friend when we weren’t home except for pre-approved individuals. "</p>
<p>That is how I grew up, and I used the same with my older kids. Also, we were allowed to have friends over when mom and dad were out, as long as we had no parties, no alcohol (drinking age was 18) and no extra people. We were a pretty tame group-no boyfriends among us anyway, and a night together usually meant we’d cook a nice dinner and watch TV or play board games. Most other parents allowed this too. I cherish those times.</p>
<p>My older kids had some friends I had no issues with being in my house without me and others I wanted to keep an eye on. AFAIK, they followed this rule. No BF sleepovers.</p>
<p>I can’t wrap my mind around not allowing anyone of any age in the house not having a friend of the opposite sex in the house alone. To what end? My H has friends that are not so much my friends and if he wants to have them over when I have other plans, fine. What on earth would I expect to happen? And I would expect the same courtesy myself. </p>
<p>Once my kids are adults, they are free to bring friends over if they’re staying here. I do expect them to ask if these friends are staying over (furnished, separate entrance basement). This has always worked fine. </p>
<p>But I remember my more adventurous friends-plenty of them who had strict parents and strict “guest” rules managed to have sex or at least do plenty of necking or whatever in OTHER places because they could not go home with the BF/GF. There was the woods by the city pool, the backside of the little ski hill, the park behind the HS during dances, ballgames, etc., the older sister’s car…the key isn’t who is allowed at HOME, the key is how to act when your NOT HOME. Learning my boundaries and how to speak up for them served me well, better than if I’d been watched over every moment I wasn’t in school.</p>
<p>So no one has a kid who is gay/ bisexual?
The parents might be the last to know.</p>
<p>My kids are straight, but my daughter had several very close male gay friends in high school. And yes, there were sleepovers, though not at my house. (No rules, just that it was more common for my d. to go to others houses than to come to mine, partly because she had a car in high school but most of her friends didn’t.) So sometimes the opposite-sex friendships are quite chaste. </p>
<p>When my younger brother was around 15 he had a male friend who was quite flamboyant – very obviously gay. My brother spent a lot of time over at best friends house. At the time it was strange to me that my parents seemed oblivious to the best friend’s sexual orientation.</p>
<p>I didn’t have rules about who could stay over when my kids were in late teens. There was a time when my son was younger and a latch-key kid – around age 12 coming home from school while I was still at work – and at that age I did have a rule that he could not have friends over when I wasn’t home, though he was free to go over to any of his friends house. But at that age I was just worried about the type of mischief that two boys could get into. I was mostly worried about unsupervised kids being tempted to sample the contents of the liquor cabinet.</p>
<p>That’s unfortunate. My girlfriends are allowed to come over whenever no matter who is home! Their parents are fine with it too. If you are a well-mannered, intelligent child with a good track history of following the rules there’s no reason for lack of trust. And I haven’t given them any reason not to trust me no matter how many girls I have brought over! Not saying your parents are wrong, just that I kind of feel bad for you! :P</p>
<p>RedHuntingHat shares my feelings on this topic. If two kids want to have sex, they WILL find a way. While it is still a good idea to encourage abstinence, allowing them to make their own decisions under a safe roof is better advice!</p>
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<p>Now, this is one of the most surprising things I ever read on CC.</p>
<p>Growing up, boys were NEVER allowed upstairs where our bedrooms were and they certainly weren’t allowed to be there when my parents weren’t home. Some of my friends thought it was weird but I thought it was weird that their parents didn’t care whether their guy friends sat on their bed with them or let boys spend the night. 0_o</p>
<p>Sorghum, we had the same rule. That was also my parents’ rule, and probably their parents’. It’s not just about sex, it’s about any form of mischief. Much more fun to get into mischief with a buddy than alone. LOL.</p>
<p>Writer, we had similar rules growing up. Young men were not allowed in my bedroom. And sitting on the bed would have been a HUGE NO-NO. Our girls haven’t dated until college, so maybe that’s why that rule hasn’t really been considered at our house. We ask them to leave the door open when they have young men over.</p>
<p>Sorghum, we had the exact same rule. Obviously it changed when DS was in college.</p>
<p>When they were in h.s. we didn’t allow S1 and his gf to hang out at our house when we weren’t there. That’s not to say it never happened. They dated for almost three years so there was ample opportunity.</p>
<p>We had no problem w/ our boys having guy friends over but that wasn’t very often. Our house was not the “hang out spot” during the h.s years. When S1 was 15 he and his friends decided to camp out in our backyard. Some smuggled in some beer. DH and I were both at home. Of course they got caught. DH called the other boys’ parents and S1 was grounded for the rest of the summer. Nobody wanted to hang out at our place after that.</p>
<p>After having been a less than perfect teenager myself I was not na</p>
<p>I can understand a teenager not being allowed to have guests over. I cannot wrap my mind around a spouse not being able to have an opposite sex guest over without their spouse there.</p>
<p>Is there a way to say “opposite sex” to mean gender to which a person is attracted? It’s such a common phrase but it leaves out a lot of people.</p>
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BOTH of you, cromette? Since H is only here at night that would pretty much rule out guests at all.</p>
<p>xaniamom, well, it just depends. Usually girls are not allowed over if I’m not home (husband’s rule). But there are a few, whose parents we know, who are. It’s not really uncommon for both of us to be home in the evenings. I guess I just kind of think of us as “we”. LOL.</p>
<p>romani - That’s our rule. It can be bent if advanced notice and discussion takes place first. i.e. A particular old lifelong friend of his (there are about 2 that fit this description) wants to come over and pick up some items and visit for a few minutes before I’ll be home from work. If he tells me ahead of time, there’s no harm, no foul. It’s just a courtesy we have for each other. It’s just what works for us and makes both of us more comfortable. To each his/her own.</p>
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That is standard operating procedure in our city. Too many bad things can happen when there are unsupervised kids in a house.</p>
<p>cromette, wait, even in COLLEGE, your kids are not allowed guests when you’re not home? Don’t you have all daughters? So when you say girls are not allowed over, and you’ve already said no opposite sex visitors, you basically mean no one at all? For adults?
I don’t understand that. At what point do you trust them? What are you worried would happen?</p>
<p>Cro, i understand it’s your rule and I’d never tell anyone how to live. I just personally can’t imagine that type of situation.</p>