<p>@ Emaheevul07:</p>
<p>“I am not sure that I would have a male friend over if my fiance wasn’t home. I wouldn’t without telling him, and out of respect for him I don’t know that it’s even something I would do. But, I am old fashioned in some ways. My fiance is always home if a repairman or something will be coming, I am not home alone for those sorts of things either.”</p>
<p>;) 
I obviously feel the same way. It’s just what we consider “nice” and “courteous” in our relationship.</p>
<p>When my daughter was 12 a boy on her school bus got off at her stop and followed home. We had not thought about boys in the house before. I had to go back to work so I invoked a no boys in the house when no parent is there regulation and drove him to his own house. Fourteen years later she married him.</p>
<p>I think you have to look at it in context, too. If I had all kinds of friendships with males when my fiance and I met, our relationship probably would have developed into something a little more “modern,” for want of a better word. But it just so happens that I didn’t, and the same goes for him. </p>
<p>As a teenager, I did have a lot of male friends, and I’m certainly not closed off to the idea now. But I do think, as a (as good as) married woman, there are certain boundaries and having those friends over home alone would be one of those boundaries I wouldn’t cross. I don’t think I would see a man socially by ourselves at all anymore unless it was a special case-- like an old friend visiting from out of town, or something. And my fiance would be okay with that. He doesn’t really care what I do, and just wants to know what is or isn’t okay for him to do.</p>
<p>@Hunt: </p>
<p>I don’t think ice cream is comparable to sex really. With two teenagers craving sex they will eventually find somewhere to do it–even get ice cream.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07,</p>
<p>To answer the OP’s question, how do you think you and your fiance would address future children and guests?</p>
<p>VHSgrad,</p>
<p>Actually, I think the comparison is quite good. Just as the urge from ice cream can be overcome, so can other urges.</p>
<p>That doesn’t mean someone waving a nice cone in front of your face is doing you a favor if your goal is to abstain.</p>
<p>Everyone (with a few exceptions) craves sex. Some people, yes, even teenagers, abstain anyway.</p>
<p>@cromette: I understand where the comparison was coming from, and there is some truth in it. But sexual urges tend to be much more empowering (especially in men) than hunger urges which can simply be overridden by laziness.</p>
<p>
This was chocolate-vanilla-strawberry ice cream.</p>
<p>But sure, if kids are determined to have sex, they will. But I think there may be some–maybe even a lot–who aren’t so determined, but who might give into temptation in a situation where it was easy.</p>
<p>"@cromette: I understand where the comparison was coming from, and there is some truth in it. But sexual urges tend to be much more empowering (especially in men) than hunger urges which can simply be overridden by laziness."</p>
<p>You obviously don’t know how strongly I feel about ice cream. jk.</p>
<p>But I think the analogy is usefull to the point. No need in exacerbating the urges by ACTUALLY PROVIDING an environment that stokes the fire. AND better that your kids at least understand where you stand, and what your exectations are, and the environments that you set up for them should reinforce your position and expectation. JMO.</p>
<p>Random unknown repairmen are completely different from people either H or I know. I don’t stay home alone for repair people I’ve never met. That is a safety issue. And it WOULD be unusual to bring home someone the other had never met-though a simply courtesy call about said friend would solve the problem. But friends-of any kind-are welcome at our house whether both of us are there or not. I really can’t grasp any other way of thinking if there are no trust or insecurities going on, and THEN, people ought to work on that. </p>
<p>Friendship is friendship, and I don’t understand why it’s wrong or improper for married people to have friends over, regardless of whether they are male or female, unless the thinking is that men and women CAN’T be “just friends”. </p>
<p>One of my nieces would fall over laughing. She works in auto repair with all guys. She has female friends but her closest friends are guys from work or her car show circuit. Is the thinking really that someone like her would have to kick them all to the curb should she get married? OR, heaven forbid, maybe she’s GAY and she should kick the few FEMALE friends out when she finds a partner and the GUYS are the SAFE ones!</p>
<p>It’s okay that you don’t get it, sseamom, or even if you find it ridiculous. It just works for us.</p>
<p>We don’t have a whole lot of time for socializing anyway. We have a few close and cherished friends, and as I’ve already stated, those ARE welcome anytime. We usually know in advance if they’re coming, and that makes us both more comfortable.</p>
<p>“Friendship is friendship, and I don’t understand why it’s wrong or improper for married people to have friends over, regardless of whether they are male or female, unless the thinking is that men and women CAN’T be “just friends”.”</p>
<p>It’s not wrong. It just doesn’t work for us in some cases. OF COURSE he has women friends and I have male friends who are all “just friends”, and these are welcome, as I’ve previously stated.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It is hard to really predict, it will probably depend on who our kids turn out to be and what their friends are like, and how well we know them-- and how fiance and I grow and change in that time. I think in some ways I will be as strict or more strict than my parents.</p>
<p>I doubt that I would require both of us to be home in order for our children to have guests, except perhaps when they are young. My parents were always more comfortable letting their daughters visit the homes of others when mom would be home, not just dad (unless they knew dad), and I would want the other parents to be comfortable with who is supervising the kids. </p>
<p>Truthfully, we were more likely to be allowed to have friends over if my dad wasn’t home. We kids would usually hang out during the day and early afternoon, to be banished to our own houses when the dads started coming home from work. They were cranky and didn’t want guests in the house when they got home, but mom didn’t mind.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>My fiance did ask me if it was okay if he spent the day with an old female friend from out of town who’d come in for a visit, by themselves, and I trust him so I told him he could do it. They weren’t at my house, they told me they went out to lunch and he showed her around town, I assume that is really where they were but without trust I suppose I don’t really know. I am even pretty sure they dated once, but I wasn’t worried about it. It made me uncomfortable not because I thought he would cheat, but because I think it is inappropriate. But since it was a special circumstance, I agreed to let it go. He would do the same for me.</p>
<p>I really have a problem with you laughing at my way of looking at things, I am not doing that to you and neither is Cromette. I would not expect your neice to drop her male friends, I would not expect her to do anything-- it’s different in different relationships and only she knows what is right for her. Not even I personally dropped all my male friends, I just choose to socialize with them differently now that I have a husband to go home to.</p>
<p>redhuntinhat: “I will never understand why parents do this- why are you all so against your children having sex? Why do you think it’s a bad thing (OP and his gf are both 17- pretty average age to start doing it) Why would you rather have your kids have it and hide it from you than know that at least have them at least safe in your house- this kind of attitude just makes it more uncomfortable if something actually does go wrong and they need to come to you for help.”</p>
<p>I probably had the same attitude at that age. Just like children would rather not think about their parents having sex, parents definitely would rather not think about their children having sex. For most parents the idea of giving them a place in their home for “privacy” is akin to walking in on mom and dad in a private moment.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07, ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER??? LOL!!!</p>
<p>Our rules have been flexible depending on which kid we were dealing with. Our oldest son was never allowed to have anyone over without an adult home. He was, shall we say, adventurous and impulsive…Came home once to him getting ready to see if he could jump from a block wall, onto a trampoline, over a fence, and into the pool. This was typical and he attracted the same type (skateboarding off the roof onto a dirt pile). Our youngest son is very level headed with a really great group of friends, both boys and girls. He is allowed to have small groups of friends over -usually to watch sports or play a sport, when we are gone for a short time. We have a lot of people in and out of our house, so he knows that anyone could show up at any time unexpectedly. We play it by the specific situation rather that having a flat rule. If we are gone for extended times, he is only allowed to have 1 particular friend over. For all of our high school kids, GF/BF’s were not allowed over without an adult home. We know very well that if kids want to have sex they will find a place to go, but I don’t feel we have to offer extra opportunities. College is a different matter- no real limitations.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Those dorm beds are awfully narrow.</p>
<p>Marian!!! LOL</p>
<p>@Marian: </p>
<p>No worse than the back of a car! ;)</p>
<p>I’ve never really questioned my parents(more my mom’s) rules. They were never really stated I just kind of set rules for myself. For a long time I figured it was just no people over when someone isn’t home which was understandable to me. Mainly because my house was never really the hangout spot and it just made sense to me. But now that I’m in high school she lets me hang out with people(same sex) when she’s not home for extended periods of time(8-11pm) with no problem as long as she knows the people. She hasn’t said anything about guys being over without them being there mainly because this situation hasn’t presented itself. For me personally I’d be more comfortable if someone was there when I have a guy over, but it’s all about comfort level.
That being said I think you should just respect your mom’s rules as you get older and more mature things will change. Showing her that you respect her rules may encourage her to give you more freedom in this area.</p>