Heeeeeeeeey. Don’t I remember that introduction from our debate?
You know how to use a comma! Yay for Cira!
No you don’t. Don’t put a comma in front of “because”.
Good varied sentence structure, although you have to be careful when navigating 4 or 5 part sentences.
You sound very informed in your 2nd paragraph. Good for you.
Try not to sound as though you’re talking when using pronouns. Either use one or two exclusively or don’t use them except in 3rd-person (i.e. Don’t switch between I, you, and we if it isn’t a narrative)
Hee. You had a six-part sentence and didn’t f*** it up too badly (a little awkward, but one couldn’t expect otherwise). Impressive.
Some punctuation and conjugation mistakes (ex. “Who are the offended minority”), but they’re not nearly as prevalent.
I heart the dramatic sentence-structure switch for the 2nd-to-last paragraph. And the George Orwell reference.
You have a better handle on the rhythm, so most of your longer sentences work well. Skilled use of larger words, too (ex. circumscribed).</p>
<p>All in all, I’d give it a “good” Porna rating. A bit jargony for me, but it sounded well-informed. It was focused, and you made it work.</p>
Mad love for managing to say absolutely nothing of importance in the introduction while making it sound legitimate through pretty prose. That’s how the best do it.
You’re quite good at writing in narrative.
You used “exploration” instead of “exploring” in the 3rd paragraph.
Good work linking the introduction to the later paragraphs.
So the piece of paper is male?</p>
<p>I have to admit that this essay qualifies for the “fabulous” Porna rating. It’s fierce and it’s fun and it’s light and I loved it.</p>
<p>I do love a good bloodbath, but I feel obliged to warn those who may intend to severely criticize my own essays that I love them like the discarded fetuses that they are, and I am willing to argue against almost every point against them until the cows come to CC and your toenails are set growing inward. You mess with me.</p>
<p>hilarious, elmo. (:
I’ve actually been wondering, are you a gun afficionado? Because you seem to know kinda specific information on what type of gun is needed to take porna down.</p>
<p>I made the mistake of sending her my essays.
Oh well, tonight’s going to suck. I have tons of homework I have to do that I haven’t been able to do yet because of work.</p>
<p><em>bang</em> <em>schick schick</em> <em>bang</em> <em>schick schick</em>. come on people, i’ve probably blown half the asteroids in space from all these shots. aagh… </p>
<p><em>bang</em> <em>schick schick</em> <em>bang</em> <em>schick schick</em>. mebbe i should try a nuclear bomb…that’ll get their attention</p>
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