On Monday night I received a group text about a gathering for a former neighbor who’s 89. Her daughter sent out a group text asking if people were going to be in town and could we meet next week. I was weighing my options , didn’t answer. The next day we were up early for doctors appointments and visiting with my in laws a 100 miles away. Before noon, I got a call from the daughter with a lengthy voice message. Which I silenced because I was busy. She called back 20 minutes later, again didn’t answer, I left a terse text to the group chat that I was busy and wouldn’t attend.
What is the correct timeframe to answer a group text?
Also, my mil is annoyed that a grandson in law answered a text while she was conversing with him. I told her that I think it’s acceptable to answer a text while talking to someone. It was Christmas Day if that matters and conversations are pretty one sided with mil.
What do you think if people answer texts while you are conversing?
Not everyone is attached to their phone, so it’s rude to expect a text to be answered quickly. If it’s important, it’s appropriate to follow up with a phone call, but it’s rude to leave a long message. A simple, “I am trying to firm up plans for the party and would appreciate hearing from you at your earliest convenience” would suffice. Then drop it; no response IS your response.
Answering texts while talking is rude, IMO. But I am aware that it’s not rude as far as younger people are concerned, at least not if they are just chatting with family. I wouldn’t get upset in that situation, but I get that someone older than I might not feel the same.
My family would probably tell you that I am the most responsive texter. It’s my nature to answer pretty much right away. We kind of have a family unspoken rule that during the work day, you are not likely to get tons of responses from the immediate family because…most of us are working!
I feel pretty obligated to answer within a couple of hours or for sure by evening - unless it’s a late evening text…I sort of “shut off” after 8 and don’t really want to communicate, lol.
I don’t have a problem responding to a text during a conversation unless the conversation is intense/emotional/really needs empathy. I don’t love someone scrolling while we are chatting though!
I think I"m a communicator. So I MUCH appreciate texting over calls for most people except my kids. But I like to be fairly prompt in responding.
Typically if I see the text, I will respond immediately, especially since certain phones tell the sender that you’ve read their message. In your situation, I would have responded with something like “I need to check and will get back to you tomorrow”. IMO, that’s better than no response.
The second scenario- if I’m talking to someone and get a text, I ignore it unless I’m waiting to hear from someone urgently. If that’s the case, I’ll tell the person that I need to check my text and why it can’t wait.
TBH, I would respond to family faster than to a text like @deb922 described. That text requires checking calendars … and perhaps making a decision regarding attendance.
Also in the case of this person who left you a long message…I think I would also just assume your no response was “make plans without me” - if anything she could send a general text saying “this is what we decided to do” - and then leave it alone. A voice mail (was it actual voice mail rather than an audio message?) was over the top IMO. Voice mail to me is for urgent matters!
Interesting. Only my SIL is known to use voice mail. My kids rarely.
Again we do use AUDIO MESSAGES (instead of texts) which are sometimes appropriate when you need something long to say or need to have the effect of telling a story with your voice - BUT 2 of 3 kids have said they DISLIKE audio messages because they take too much time to listen to, lol.
I think I have a day or two to respond to an invite that my presence isn’t crucial. There were 12 people invited, I think 6 answered yes. It was more than a week away, I didn’t appreciate two phone calls.
I think answering a text is generational. I keep telling my mil that.
I try and answer my family promptly. Friends, it depends
The daughter is herself almost 70, so I know I was dealing with an older crowd.
The daughter already sent a group text to the group about the date and time that was agreed on. I was slightly annoyed about the call, felt pushy, I was very annoyed about another call 20 minutes later.
I think you can opt in or out of this feature. But it’s good to know which is chosen on your phone since it does look more dismissive if people see you’ve read their text and you don’t respond for hours or days.
Interesting. I never thought about using a voice text message like that. I’ve never used them at all. If someone (usually a kid or H) are texting back and forth and it gets to be too much, I just hit the call button and we continue that way. But I can see how that would work well in some situations.
I would NEVER have this feature on my phone. I prefer anonymity when I read texts! I’m always surprised that others have theirs set up to show message “read”.
I respond right away or once I notice the text unless I don’t want to deal with that person or subject at the time. My wife talks to me but texts or responds to be others as we talk and drives me crazy since I can kinda hear the patter of her texting.
I usually have my phone on silent, so I don’t see calls/texts until I’m ready to deal with them but certainly on the same day. If I need time to make a decision on something, I will text to that effect. My phone is on “Do Not Disturb” 8pm-8am.
IMO, this is the height of rudeness and is never, ever, ever acceptable under any circumstance. To me, this is similar to those who pick up an incoming call while they are talking to me on the phone. Even if they say, “Just a sec, I have to take this call,” I immediately hang up. They can call me back, but see first paragraph.
ETA: I get very few texts or phone calls as my family and friends know that the device annoys me. I use my phone mainly as a camera.
I have to admit that i think it’s rude to respond to texts while at lunch/talking to another person. I have a friend who is in constant conversation with her adult daughters during lunches. So many of those lunches involve how enmeshed she is in their lives.
How is that saying anything other than this person/thing is more important than you? Occasionally, fine. But constantly? Plain rude.
, didn’t answer. The next day we were up early for doctors appointments and visiting with my in laws a 100 miles away. Before noon, I got a call from the daughter with a lengthy voice message. Which I silenced because I was busy. She called back 20 minutes later, again didn’t answer, I left a terse text to the group chat that I was busy and wouldn’t attend.
