I almost wrote about this two Thanksgivings ago…and then I thought, nah this will pass…then it was worse last Thanksgiving but I just sidestepped by having a better-than-normal merlot at the dinner…but this year, GAWDS, how are those of you in politically divided households handling the tensions? I really know how to see the good in my relatives and i’ve been able to gracefully navigate my way through minefields over the past 25 years because, ya know, it’s just politics. But, man, the last two years…it’s tough…politics feels like such a quaint term…it’s life, at this point, and it’s difficult for me not to speak up. And one of my husband’s relatives is among the worst…ugh. Anyway, happy holidays!
We have our two sons and their wives and 7 grandchildren for Thanksgiving dinner. They all know that the first one to even indirectly mention politics will be placed in a locked room with all 7 grandchildren, each of whom just had an energy drink. 
We have a no politics rule at family gatherings. Our problem is weird- most are agreeable but a couple like to play devil’s advocate, so heated discussions ensue, even though the players are ultimately of the same philosophy. Sometimes I have to loudly interject something to change the topic when they forget the “rule”.
I’d put up a sign at the door with @TomSrOfBoston ‘s threat on it. Then just shut it down if someone starts.
I’m lucky that the family that are coming this year for Thanksgiving lean my way politically but last weekend I left the dining table in tears over the hateful crap that was being spewed by other family members. The presidential election year was horrible and we did institute the “no politics rule” because too many people couldn’t play nice. I’m all for intellectual debate and discussion but when it devolves into name calling and shouting, all bets are off and that is getting shut down fast.
@SouthernHope I think this is more common than you might have guessed.
After one uncomfortable episode, when my in-laws come over we do not discuss politics.
Fortunately, we have no divisions when it comes to politics in our family. I have to say, though, that if we had the division you are talking about, and MOST especially, after the past two years, then those individuals are not people who I would be inviting for Thanksgiving. Family or not.
We steer away from politics (at least on family holidays) even though we all pretty much agree and are on the same side. Guess we love to debate stuff but it can just dominate the day. So we pick other topics… Like football…then that dominates…and then what everybody wants for dessert.
Guess it’s your time to just say NO to political discussions. Just make it the rule–not allowed. and don’t talk about the weather either if someone’s going to bring up climate change…pretend your a CC forum monitor…
"…it’s life, at this point, and it’s difficult for me not to speak up. "
There you go! No, you don’t need to speak up.
When we used to go to my sister’s house on Thanksgiving my sister and her ultra conservative in-laws who were also racists ate in the dining room. My parents and other siblings and our spouses ate in the kitchen.
As emotionally exhausting as it is, I’ve found it easiest to just smile and nod. It would be even more exhausting and frustrating to argue. Gotta pick your battles. If there are a few relatives in particle that cause the most trouble, could you tell everyone else to just play along to avoid argument? That’s something that works in my (relatively small) family. I understand the importance of challenging certain beliefs, but if it’s causing you this much anguish, it’s also important to remember that your mental and emotional health come first.
I’m in the camp of letting everyone know before the day, that you’ve decided you don’t want to talk politics on Thanksgiving. Just send a mass email. That way, you won’t be unintentionally embarrassing someone. Plus, when I’m the host, I wouldn’t want to be calling anyone out that are guests…even if they are family.
how about a ‘no-politics and religion rule’ at the table, but the folks can have it after dinner with their brandy/port?
I don’t mind talking about politics, as long as it’s unheated, fair to others with a different view, and intelligent. That is the dying art unfortunately.
A friend dreaded Thanksgiving with her family because some of them were all hyperfocused on what other people were eating. “Oh, you’re eating meat again” “don’t take too much, you don’t want to regret it tomorrow”, etc. Politics would at least seem neutral.
Our family can not talk politics without someone getting their feelings hurt. Two years ago we had a rule that whoever brings it up has to do the dishes. And then I always remind them before the actual day.
We host a large group for Thanksgiving. Have several friend groups who are not US Citizens. We have been hosting for many years. There’s rarely an issue. We don’t raise the issue ever (out of respect for our non like minded friends) and they don’t raise their issues (except on Facebook sometimes). We don’t have anyone who needs to talk incessantly and convert people to their way of thinking. There are a lot of dropped hints though and individuals will split up into small groups and chat. Our family is 100% in one direction except for the friends.
Christmas Day is another thing entirely. My sisters family is like a house divided. I think you could split the room in two. Half the group are Union Democrats. The other side are wealthy financiers and are Republicans. I think my sister is really the only person in the middle politically. They have a limited discussion going and lots of alcohol so maybe that helps?
My father cannot help himself though. He likes to throw out grenades over the latest news. We just don’t respond at the table. He’s 83 so he gets a small pass. He loves to get a reaction. He often tells people I heard you voted for (the opposite person) on Christmas Day. The looks on their faces are priceless. Then he laughs. He’s always had a sense of humor.
Family rule. We do not discuss politics or religion at any family events.
@greenwitch --“I don’t mind talking about politics, as long as it’s unheated, fair to others with a different view, and intelligent. That is the dying art unfortunately.”
Our family can do that but it can still drown out the happier and more useful " what have you been doing in all these months we haven’t seen you and now we actually can catch up face to face?"
About the ‘no-politics and religion rule’-- I DO wish we would’ve had a no-religion rule a couple years ago. Didn’t know we needed one at the time. Extended family member basically joined what I would consider a cult and while everyone else just shrugged it off (we’re fine, thank you) and avoided that topic, one poor “new to the family” member got cornered that we didn’t realize until much too late. Traumatized.
Politics. That’s easy. Try having a family business. Then see how your Thanksgiving goes. 
This thread is making me happy that it is just me & D2 this year! She can have ALL the cranberry sauce, I get leftovers, and we are very closely aligned politically.
Just remember it is absolutely not worth it to argue in the current climate. As hostess, shut it down immediately. I feel for you. We were at a party Saturday where I had to just do the “excuse me” and walk away after a couple of comments. NOT worth it to argue. And the Thanksgiving table is hardly the place for even a civilized debate. Good luck!!!