<p>I am sorry if I offended ONE PERSON, the OP, zoosermom.</p>
<p>Ok AdvicePlease: Perhaps you can explain to me “how intelligent people can feel this way?”</p>
<p>Clearly, I am the one not getting it. I suppose I should also apologize to all the intelligent people out there who think stereotypes are just fine and dandy.</p>
<p>Ilsa, perhaps I do come on strong. You’re entitled to say that and I take our opinion seriously. I think you came on very strong as well, too. Your first post on this thread really hit me the wrong way as mine obviously did to you. If my first post had been different or yours, perhaps we could have had a meeting of the minds. I’m not sure what you want me to say. I’ve said repeatedly that there were several things I’d like to change. That I respect and understand why some people would feel offended. That I don’t view what I saw as negative. Except for being angry after being attacked by you and several others, I think there was good communication here. If you can’t see that some of the posts to me crossed the line, then well, I don’t know what to say. As I said, I don’t think the early posts came on strong, although I do understand why some people were offended. Just because someone doesn’t agree with something I posted doesn’t mean I was wrong to post it. I don’t see anything inherently wrong with disagreement or with saying something provokes a reaction. It’s the ugliness that I have a problem with.</p>
<p>"Ok AdvicePlease: Perhaps you can explain to me “how intelligent people can feel this way?”</p>
<p>Let’s see if we can engage respectfully. I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about when you say “feel this way.” Do you mean that someone thinks all Asians behave the way I saw or what?</p>
<p>To Ilsa Belter:</p>
<p>"Ok AdvicePlease: Perhaps you can explain to me “how intelligent people can feel this way?”</p>
<h2>Clearly, I am the one not getting it. I suppose I should also apologize to all the intelligent people out there who think stereotypes are just fine and dandy."</h2>
<p>Did you mean to direct this to someone else? Surely I have never stated anywhere that stereotypes are just fine and dandy – on the contrary they are very complicated and can be very dangerous! I’m wondering how you could interpret my postings in that manner?</p>
<p>My points were that I interpret some stereotypes as less offensive than others and some I think can be interpreted in a positive/Ethnic pride type of way. I offered examples of this with the comparisons of the Irish Drunk vs. the Irish Poet. I also mentioned that we must all be careful with stereotypes as we can’t see through others’ eyes or walk in their shoes. The movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” is filled with stereotypes relating to the WASP groom marrying the very Greek bride. I laughed very much at this movie and have now realized that maybe some did not laugh at the constant stereotypes in the movie. My husband’s mother is from Italy and he loves watching the Godfather and these types of movies. I hate these movies and all the violence in the movies and the stereotypes associated with Italians and organized crime. I accept that my husband and I agree to disagree. </p>
<p>Stereotypes are not fine and dandy as a rule and I do not necessarily defend their usage. They do exist and are impossible to ignore. We can all learn something by honestly discussing our reactions to their usage. This was somewhat accomplished in this topic.</p>
<p>zoosermom has no ethnic/racial identity at all which leaves her being just plain old wonder bread (All-American, that is). AdvicePlease has an ethnic identity which has a good side/bad side. Let’s brainstorm and see if we can come up with some ethnicities/races which do not have an upside in terms of their stereotypes. That should be interesting. If we think long and hard maybe we can come up with a reason why ALL stereotypes are a bad idea. Or maybe not.</p>
<p>Ilsa Belter – At the risk of misreading and possibly misinterpreting your last comment I’d just excuse myself from participating in your suggested exercise. Please think long and hard, as you suggest, and afterwards I’d love to see your list!</p>
<p>Actually it was a rhetorical question.</p>
<p>“The effect of all this stereotyping is just exhaustion. … Bottom line: Do some people behave according to stereotypes? Probably, though it’s more “apparent” if you’re looking for it. But does it inhibit seeing others as just people like you when stereotypes are reinforced? I heartily believe that it does.”
Kal7- I think you have this eaxctly right.</p>
<p>My son has always looked like he should play football. I kid you not, from birth on. A tall for his age, solidly built, brown boy. People have always looked at him and commented on his “look.” I never wanted him stereotyped, ever. I would reply to people, “no, he will not be in the NFL, he will be a doctor or a lawyer.” I detest the stereotype, and still do for the most part. </p>
<p>Zoosermom, I bet you didn’t think you would open up such a big can of worms, did you? 
I have enjoyed reading the passionate responses from all parties. There are some boards I stay away from, (those darn affirmative action ones, lol). I don’t and won’t read what offends me, most of the time. As I stated earlier, I don’t think Zoosermom intended any harm, even if harm was done. I don’t think that the those who are rebutting mean any harm, (better not speak too soon as this thread it going on and on). And, believe it or not agreeing to disagree is a wonderful thing. ;)</p>
<p>Ilsa can you point to a post where I or anyone said that stereotypes were fine? I have said nor seen any such thing. I HAVE said that it is fine to discuss the fact that stereotypes exist. I really think you’re reading things that aren’t there or something, because no one said stereotypes are ok. In fact, I used the word “nuts” repeatedly to give my opinion of the specific stereotype I was talking about. which is something found on CC, not something in the real world, please note the distinction. My issue is not that stereotypes are ok, but that some posters don’t have the right to censor what others post within the TOS here.</p>
<p>No, you did not say they were “fine.” But I do have pretty good critical reading skills, and you said in post #195: "I was saying that the stereotype exists. I’ve never seen the behavior first hand, so I didn’t believe the stereotype WAS TRUE.*</p>
<p>Your title was “The Asian Stereotype (Amusing)”</p>
<p>You find your newly discovered TRUE Asian stereotype amusing.</p>
<p>That is your prerogative.</p>
<p>Some people find perpetuating stereotypes to be counterproductive. Laughing at them perpetuates them.</p>
<p>I also earlier made the point a couple of times that members of a group often feel it is their right to make fun of their own foibles, but take offense when people outside of the group do so.</p>
<p>Good night - I can’t explain it any more clearly. Others here have done it much better than I and much more succinctly anyway.</p>
<p>What you can’t do, Ilsa is speak for me. This isn’t the SAT and your critical reading skills simply don’t matter. I speak for myself and determine what my words mean, not you. I think you have fundamentally misunderstood my point here and I think by choice. I do not find the stereotype amusing at all. I do however, find the sight of adults running across a courtyard hilarious and I won’t apologize for that. It seems to me that it outrages you that I won’t accede to your wishes and that’s what this is about. Fine. </p>
<p>I agree with your point about perpetuating stereotypes. That is something that I have been concerned about on this thread, which is why I have posted REPEATEDLY that I wish I had used a different title. However, I’m not sorry that I posted what I saw.
You are free to continue to twist my words, I can’t stop you, but that IS what you are doing.</p>
<p>Asian Parent, please read through and reform!
</p>
<p>This Asian parenting paradigm is long inculcated, and deep rooted within the immigrant Asian generation that we bring along to US when we emmigrate.</p>
<p>I was raised in India by parents who stressed education over and above everything else; in an environment where my parents were surrounded by others like them. I admit that there were some aspects of this “push for higher education” that occasionally annoyed me as a Teenager. But today in my mid 40s, as a successful Scientist in a leading Pharma R&D group, I am deeply grateful for it.</p>
<p>Now, as an Asian parent, I can’t help but emulate some of the best qualities of my parents myself. Perhaps there are some aspects in my parenting that my American born son may not appreciate completely or like. But then, which child agrees 100% with their parents? I think the sterotype of stressing education is not a quality I would ever apologize for. Actually, I am rather proud of this Asian quality.</p>
<p>It’s up to us parents (Asians and non-Asians) to provide the best advice and best resources to our kids. I often tell my son that I can provide him all the resources, the canvas, the paints, the easel, the training etc…his life is his own canvas and ultimately he is the painter of his own creation!
All I can do is ensure he gets the tail wind in the process.</p>
<p>“I think the sterotype of stressing education is not a quality I would ever apologize for. Actually, I am rather proud of this Asian quality.”</p>
<p>I weighed in briefly on this thread. The main thrust of it is not one I share. (Stereotypes or amusement, but then I’m often accused of being too serious.) However I do not appreciate the previous post to 394 which took an excerpt from me – & perhaps those of others – utterly out of context. Since the poster of 393 is brand new, I suspect ■■■■■■■■.</p>
<p>My posts were particularly in reference – and note that I did NOT confine my observations to Asian parents – a point conveniently left out by said manipulative replier – to any parents who restrict heavy-handedly the private dreams, desires, talents, & capabilities of their children whose souls they do not own, but whose lives are in their temporary custody during the most formative period of life. (More specifically, the <em>categories</em> and <em>directions</em> of those dreams.) My observations had nothing to do with a preference & priority for education. As an educator who raised two children alone & who are attending major Reach universities, I hardly need a lecture about that from any poster on CC of any ethnicity or questionable CC identity.</p>
<p>Epiphany is right. That was a very ugly post. Despite my intentions, perhaps it’s time this thread was locked. I know that once the attacks started, I wasn’t at my best.</p>
<p>Phamagal:</p>
<p>“Now, as an Asian parent, I can’t help but emulate some of the best qualities of my parents myself. Perhaps there are some aspects in my parenting that my American born son may not appreciate completely or like. But then, which child agrees 100% with their parents? I think the stereotype of stressing education is not a quality I would ever apologize for. Actually, I am rather proud of this Asian quality.”</p>
<p>Wonderfully stated!!</p>
<p>
This was also the focus of my posts. I see this frequently among Asian families. Zoosermom’s story was an affirmation of what I have observed. I don’t limit the choices of educational focus for my kids. That in no way means I value education less than a family that forces their kids into a math/science track.</p>
<p>Headstart, based on the many Asian kids who I have heard complain about not having choices, perhaps having parents study your list would go a long way toward creating happy, fulfilled children.</p>
<p>For those of you who may wish to know more about the life of actual individuals rather than relying on stereotyping you can go to the most recent issue of the New Yorker and read about the profile on the artist Paul Chan. For those who follow trends in visual arts, you undoubtedly know already that Chan is among many important new artists who are Asian-American.</p>
<h1>393, “The Great Asian Child Abuse (Amusing)”</h1>
<p>Don’t be so cowardly with a new screen name; you don’t have to “sneak” bigotry in here. Others have openly done so already.</p>