@very happy I got rather discouraged about donating when I discovered several large bags of donations I’d sorted and listed and thought had been taken to donate were buried in the den (it’s probably hard for normal households to imagine that I didn’t know they were there but the den, a massive room, is piled several feet deep with stuff my H will not get rid of with Just a couple of narrow passages between the door from the kitchen to the garage, and H’s desk to the half bath and his TV. (Seriously, my late FiL’s large collection of guns was in there for years after a judge banned him from having guns and I had no idea - it’s that bad). Our huge 3 car garage is the same. And the rooms that used to be out kid s rooms and the room that used to be my sewing room. And the back porch where I used to have parties for my kids and sit and enjoy the outdoirs (never set foot in the porch any more). The master bed and living room are the only 2 rooms I have managed to keep liveable and that is a constant battle. I walk through the den when I am going I walk through on the way in and out of the house and try not to look.
So just getting stuff that I can out of the house and NOT buried in the den is my priority.
People probably wonder why I don’t take the recycling and donations in myself. I work really long hours and the recycling place is open week days when I’m working. And I thought the donations had been donated until I discovered them. Just like I thought a lot of things were gone (like bags of aluminum cans and other people’s old appliances my husband went through a phase of going round and collecting till I told him they had to go or I was going) until one of my kids told me the cans are in a large storage unit in town. We have paid $000’s over the years for that unit which is full of garbage.
Our house really is like something you’d see on hoarders. Our kids won’t even come here any more. If anything ever happens to H I’m going torrents dumpster and just Chuck stuff in it. It will fill several.
@swimcatsmom, I’m sorry you’ve had to endure this situation in your house. I think it’s fine to throw things away (if you can get the items past the hoarder) instead of donating or recycling them.
I don’t know if this would work, Swim…, but I’d get my handyman over on a weekend and have him put bags into his large SUV. Of course, this assumes your hubby will not be home for an hour.
It’s very sad that your children won’t even come to your house anymore. I assume the clutter keeps you from having friends over as well. I hope you’re able to make some headway somehow with your husband. Maybe some kind of intervention or family counseling could help. This is tough.
@swimcatsmom - I’m so sorry you have such obstacles to taking your house back. My mom hoarded for many years and I finally made progress at her house once she moved out. (Of course she moved in with me, so the hoarding came with her.) It’s such a frustrating situation and next to impossible to conquer when the hoarder is still in the home.
I think that @swimcatsmom has a great attitude and I’m so glad this thread is here for her to sound off and report every item that goes out the door - you are in a tough situation but you keep on keeping on!
I hope this thread gives you confidence to make small gains.
Thanks. I was having a bit of a vent this morning. It’s crazy really. I shouldn’t have let it get so bad but the battle never seemed worth it and now he’s slight less resistant it’s so bad it’s overwhelming and he is not physically able to help even if he wanted to. (He’s very easy going about almost everything - but this hoarding brings out a different person).
I’m just focussing my efforts for now on the spaces I can still exercise some control over. I took today off work cause I wasn’t feeling too well - means I’ll have to go in tomorrow or Sunday to catch up (but to be honest I actually like that because i will get doo much done without interruptions - hope my boss is not in, lol). Added a few things to the bag so am clearing a space where things were beginning to encroach into the master bedroom.
When I was non weight bearing for 10 weeks and having to use a knee scooter the clutter made me really angry - it made getting round so hard and a difficult time more so. I swore I’d hit the mess hard once I was back in 2 feet. Have been weight bearing several weeks but energy levels not quite there. Feels good to make a start. I’m so glad this thread exists. Reminds me to get back to this process.
Actually made the cat very happy cause I cleared away a couple of big boxes of stuff from in front of the sliding doors in the bedroom and she actually had a sunny spot to lie in (Our house does not get much sun shining on the windows)
The January cure apartment therapy for the weekend is all about working on your bedroom. I already got a little bit of a start today so I think I’m going to try and follow the tips.
@swimcatsmom I’m glad you have this place to vent at least. It sounds like a very difficult situation especially after you weren’t able to do much with the knee scooter and all. Keep doing what you can and definitely don’t feel bad about not finding the exact right place for everything you want to discard. Donate only if it’s easy; otherwise just trash it.
Christmas tree out the door to the deck and now to the curb. 2) No-longer-good food dumped. 3) A box of things that D2 collected and didn’t have time to decide how to get rid of, put into the garbage.
As I took down the outside Christmas lights, the old strings of C7s went straight into the trash, as did a bin full of faded colored lights that haven’t been used in 15 years. The big lights had been used outside for so long that the bases had corroded and bulbs burned out frequently. Nobody would want them!
I also have two large bins of artificial garland that I don’t use but is still nice. Thanks to you clever folks here, I just set an alarm on my phone to donate them in the fall. Our local thrift shop doesn’t have enough room to store things for 9 months.
Tomorrow I tackle the tree and will weed out every ornament that doesn’t bring me joy.
@dragonmom I just finished that very same task. Old colored lights went in the trash and ornaments that haven’t been used in the last few years are going to Goodwill today. Can’t believe I kept a dozen or so old company ornaments a previous employer gave out every year. No one will want those, even if they are from Disney. I’m starting to make progress. Baby steps…
@swimcatsmom I’m attempting the January cure. I forgot to buy flowers yesterday but made a special effort this AM to get to the grocery store to see what they had. I got a beautiful mix of purple irises and orange tulips. I put them in a vase that is colorful and that makes me smile. I’ve spent part of today working on my bedroom. I’m lucky I had just changed the sheets and vacuumed earlier in the week. I had so much stuff piled up on different surfaces. It already looks so much better. I also took the time to make the bed nicely. It is amazing how much better the room looks and feels with a nicely made bed.
Tomorrow I’m going to focus on the pile of magazines and books.
My youngest left to go back to school today so the house is back to me and H - besides taking down the Christmas lights and decor outside, I did toss some Christmas stuff and listed a couple Christmas items on eBay that were more worthwhile but not things I want. Another bag of stuff of trash and shoe boxes out of D2’s room!
I went through a big box of stuff in the bedroom and a few other things. I am trying to let go of some silly things I’ve been keeping for sentimental reasons by taking a photo then chucking it (like a sweater I bought in Scotland that I have now worn in years). Came across a Christmas card from my Mum that said with love to my best girl. Must have been from some time ago as she has been dead almost 3 1/2 years and had dementia about 3 before that. Made me tear up, That I will keep.
I filed almost a black trash bag of things today and had filled one during the week. Feels good. And it is so nice seeing that empty space where those boxes were sitting.
H asked me why I threw a hanger in the trash. It was broken. He said we could fix it with duck tape. I think he was joking. (he didn’t retrieve it anyway)
:))
Just saw two episodes, one about empty nesters and one about a family that downsized, of Marie Kondo’s show on Netflix. Couldn’t believe I was able to persuade dh to watch it with me. He tried claiming that we don’t have much stuff, but finally admitted that a lot is in closets he rarely sees and that he has added more stuff to a basement garage that I had emptied out a few years ago. I think dh was struck by how the retired husband was content to live with the clutter but went along with the work to please his wife, then ended up being happy about results. I may be reminding him of that show over the next few months.
I need to find a way to get my husband to watch that show.
@swimcatsmom, i’m sorry for your struggle. It sounds as if you’re making a bit of progress, which is wonderful news. We’re all taking small steps but they count.
I decided to reward myself for 6 months of slogging through our basement by switching gears and organizing our photos this month. It will take at least that long - we have literally thousands. It’s not hard to toss the bad photos, of which there are many (dark, out of focus, duplicates, finger over the lens, etc.). The hard part is figuring out how much info to put on the reverse of the ones I’m saving. Also, sometimes it’s hard for even me to determine which kid is in the photo - they looked a lot alike as babies.
