@swimcatsmom It is hard sometimes especially when it’s a very sentimental item or something really nice. I tell myself “if I keep it, the kids will just get rid of it after I’m gone”. A bit morbid, but true. In addition, I also tell myself that someone else will enjoy this. I have had people reach back to me on Buy Nothing to tell me how happy they are to have something I gifted to them.
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There can be a lot of emotional attachment to, “things.” I think it can be worth examining why you have a hard time letting go of material possessions.
I say this not as criticism but as one who has been there. I lost both my parents at age 24 very unexpectedly. Dh and I were engaged at the time, and I kept some of their furniture (and even a crystal chandelier they had) which was very useful to us for many years (until our style and tastes changed). Getting rid of those items down the road was not difficult. However, I kept a TON of my mother’s knick-knack type things as well as her china, crystal, and silver. I still have the silver (for at least it has intrinsic value), but I held onto the other items for far too long. They were things that she and my father had collected throughout their travels. I have VERY few of those now, but even they are stashed away and not on display. It took me a very long time to get rid of the rest - close to 25 years. Doing so felt somehow, “dishonoring” to me because those things meant so much to her. Because she valued them, I felt that I should value them, too. For me, it was a way of, “holding on.”
Another group of things I had a hard time letting go of were some of our homeschooling materials. I homeschooled ds for 6.5 years. At the end of each year, I created a very large binder (sometimes two per year as he got older) that represented the work we had done throughout the year. I kept them for a long time, partly for documentary proof until he graduated from high school but mostly because they represented a big chunk of my time and effort. So, I was clinging to a time in my life that I really enjoyed and where I felt like I made a difference in ds’s life.
Realizing that a certain, “season” of our lives is over can be painful or at least bittersweet to us. Our heads logically know that the memories aren’t in the, “thing” (whatever it may be), but our hearts struggle with that, I think.
So, don’t say you aren’t, “good,” at decluttering. I think your feelings about it are very normal. Just do what you can, when you can. Tomorrow is another day.
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I’m glad this thread is active again. It’s inspiring me.
Now that it’s so cold, and seems we will be hanging out by ourselves bc of COVID, I figure I might as well make some progress.
I sorted through the gloves, hats, scarves, etc. yesterday. I know I should get rid of more, but every little bit helps.
I went through some of the kid’s toys earlier today, and some random boxes in our basement.
Anyone remember the “Mr. Wonderful” doll. My husband got it for me many years ago. It almost went in the donate pile…
OK, too funny not to share.
I just told my husband I may have to get rid of Mr. Wonderful.
His response -
“Then you’ll just be left with me” - LOL
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@Hoggirl Really good points. I think that’s exactly my problem. I even gave clothes like that. A sweatshirt I bought in Las Vegas when mum and I went there. Haven’t worn it in years but every time I go to throw it away I don’t. I have nice mementos of my Mum that I love - like her litte elephant table that sits in my living room - but many things I don’t use think I’d just feel guilty disposing of.
The silly thing is that a lot of stuff I don’t even know I have till I start going through trying to dejunk (not just mum related - that us very minimal but was my recent mind block). And this old stuff from the past is stopping me from moving forward and probably being happy.
As I’ve mentioned in the past I’d like to move to FL. I do want to be able to see my granddaughter grow up and not be a once a year visitor. Over Christmas, my son and daughter in law brought the idea uo and turned out to be enthusiastic about the idea. She was even googling Zillow for homes in our price range. My daughter and son in law are moving to California (he actually already moved) so nothing to keep me here. Just stuff. Sigh.
Your post really made me think. Thanks.
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Well said, @Hoggirl.
I think that we don’t honor our parents (or our children) by keeping things that were theirs. We honor them by living the lives we live. At the end of the day, they’re just things. Our memories are what matter.
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Great post, @Hoggirl . I know that for everyone in our house, certain items trigger memories. We’ll always have an eclectic Christmas tree for that reason! How much of that anyone needs is up to them.
I was surprised when I asked DS about changing something in his room that he preferred not to. For him, it is less memories than feeling he has his place in his family home.
All complicated.
And yet… had the whole back of the car filled for goodwill this week!
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Good point on the negatives and yes, I realize they’re the equivalent of today’s RAW camera images - lots of detail. I just know me. I’m still shooting; it’s not like my output has decreased; I can’t keep up with what I currently do. I’m not getting to the old photos in this lifetime and nobody else in my family will.
@Hoggirl 's post about letting go of the memories - so on point. We need to remember that our things are connected to our memories, and nobody else’s, so hanging on to things to pass on is fruitless. I realize this when my dad (turning 90 this year) on occasion sends me a box of stuff and I look through it blankly - it has zero value to me. Am I supposed to hand this down too?
Ironically, my mom’s house was chock-full of junky stuff from QVC and the like. A very small amount was left over from her world travels in the 1960s and 1970s, stuff that might’ve had real-world value or sentimental value to me. Vintage Barbies, china she’d hauled for decades since buying in Paris, little trinkets, etc.
I was dreading going through it, but knew there were things I would appreciate, so it was very weird to anticipate and dread at the same time.
Anyway, she died in 2018, my brother was executor, and disposed of all of it without consulting me, and tbh, it was quite a relief. Sometimes ruthless is best.
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When I have recently been going through stuff, I was surprised at how little felt so sentimental that I could not part with it. I just went through a big box of baby stuff, my baby is almost 28. There were so many items where I said, why did I even save this. They don’t strike any feelings in me now.
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Do NOT just toss baseball cards. My aunt did that to my cousin. He said she literally threw away $10K.
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Collectible cards of all kinds have gone up in value over the past couple of years. My daughter went through her Pokemon cards (she only maybe a hundred) and found none of them were worth very much. So she is keeping them, not selling them.
She does have friends who have sold a few Pokemon or Magic cards and made some money. There is a process involved in selling collectible cards, which includes getting them officially certified for condition, etc.
I think I tossed at least a thousand bucks worth of Pokémon cards (price paid, not price they are worth). At some point I dumped both the cards and the binders that mostly my mother purchased for my kids. I still find some random ones around the house, and haven’t thrown them away in quite some time. As I’m trying to figure out what to do with kids toys, I have started looking to see if some have any value, but I am also considering my time. If something I paid 10 bucks for is now worth 30 bucks, is it worth the 20 to deal with selling it? Often it’s just easier to donate.
Things like old toys, old kitchen stuff, etc., I have been donating to local church rummage sales and charity thrift shops.
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I realize this when my dad (turning 90 this year) on occasion sends me a box of stuff and I look through it blankly - it has zero value to me. Am I supposed to hand this down too?
@Gatormama - I say just look through it and discard/giveaway as desired. Accept it as your Dad’s way of trying to declutter and cut down on your burden someday going through things. Sure, it would be more efficient if he just got rid of it. But it’s good that he is parting with things.
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This. I have stuff that is meaningful to me (my Dad’s HS yearbooks, I attended the same school) which my kids have zero interest in. None.
I have a few friends who have been trying to sell their D’s “collectable” Barbie dolls (in boxes,never opened). They aren’t having much luck.
The thing with that kind of stuff is it’s tempting to hear of the rare person who held on to “THE” doll/card/Beanie Baby and sold it for a small fortune and think it will happen to you. But likely most people won’t want a lot of this stuff unless it’s free. At least that’s my philosophy. Who knows, I may have gotten rid of a few rare, valuable items along the way but at this point it feels good just to have gotten rid of it.
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As my kids get older (and have more space), I think it’s possible that they will want a few tbd things from my mother and me. Who knows. While we still have the space, I keep a lot of it…. though trying to part with more and more. My goal is to have remaining stuff have more categorized and organized.
In her last few years, my mother often had a few “give away” items on her couch for me to look at. It was a nice way to talk about the past and share some memories. I did keep some of the items.
It can be surprising what’s of interest. My mother had an old tin of old report cards etc and said “trash it”. I suggested she first look at it with my daughter, since it would give them some fun talking points. They actually did have a lovely time together looking at that tin and also a photo album from mom’s single days. Had we known it was mom’s last good day they probably would have looked at some of the old family albums together too.
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Really don’t agree with this. I mean, sure there are “things that are connected to our personal memories” and not to our kids’ memories, but there are things connected way back to people I never met that I have that I value. I know people who would love to have some piece of family history but their parents or grandparents don’t have any to pass down. You can’t say what your descendants will or won’t want.
Obviously you can’t save everything that has ever passed down through your family, but, gosh, don’t be tossing out special heirlooms because you think your kids won’t want them. Donate the stuff that’s not special, sure, but the special stuff, if you are lucky enough to have any, is worth saving and passing along with the story of it as well as you know it. If you don’t think your kids can retain the info you can put a note with the item for their kids. I have a child’s rocking chair that belonged to a great aunt who shared my name and died when she was just 19 in 1911, so obviously I never knew her, but it’s a very cool little chair and pretty special. One of my relatives taped a note to the bottom of it that says who it belonged to originally. That’s an incredibly valuable thing when your parents aren’t around any more to ask.
On the other hand, I have a bunch of other stuff that I don’t know the provenance of and it consequently has limited value and will probably end up at the thrift store one day. It’s the stories that we pass down with the stuff that make the stuff more precious. Find out the stories now if you can or document the items the best you are able to if you know stories about them.
I think my brother still has a powder horn made from a gourd that belonged to one of our great great grandfathers in the 1800s or maybe 1700s. (I don’t have it, so don’t have access to the documentation on it.) Our family has tons of family history and records, and yes, heirlooms (aka ‘things’). We do use or display some, though not all of them.
It’s the more modern crapola that I need to get rid of. Junk papers, old clothes, old kid’s stuff that they don’t want to keep, not the family heirlooms.
This is key — the categorizing and organizing. The stuff that I inherited (candle holders for example) that I don’t know where they came from — just can’t care about it as much as knowing that this glass came from my grandfather’s soda shop, y’know?
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Good point; we moved around all my life. No heirlooms. No roots.
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I’m swamped in heirlooms over here, but we do use a lot of them. I have a daybed that was in my grandmother’s house that functions as a futon/couch in our den. My oldest is using my mom’s 4 poster bed she had as a teen in the 1940s. (She had me when she was nearly 40, and I had my kids in my late 30s. We have big generations on my side of the family.) Documenting the provenance is the key thing, though. It’s just like photos — if you don’t know who they are it’s not very valuable, but it’s pretty cool to be able to look at a photo of your great great grandmother and see that the dimple in the chin has been passed down to your kid.
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I’m thinking of try a different approach. Instead of going through stuff trying to decide what to get rid of, I’m going to get some moving boxes and box stuff I want to keep. Then get rid of what I has not made it into the moving box.
Obviously it won’t work for things I am using (like clothes) but maybe it will help give me a kick start on the room I have been piddling around in. Also having the boxes as a visual will give me a more realistic idea of what I am thinking of moving and whether it will fit in my desired downsized 2 bed 2 bath FL condo/small house (maybe a second go through).
I was pretty set on a condo but must admit a small house with a small garden is sounding attractive. My son is growing bougainvillea and hibiscus 
which is something I would really love. Plus so many FL condos have rules not allowing pets. I have to at least have a cat. Deal breaker!
Just a though. Gonna give it a try this weekend.
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