The Best College Essay Ever!

<p>Unfortunately, it’s not mine… :(</p>

<p>I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. </p>

<p>Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. </p>

<p>Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. </p>

<p>I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. </p>

<p>My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I found Waldo.</p>

<p>I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. </p>

<p>On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. </p>

<p>I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis, but I have yet to go to college.</p>

<p>This essay is nothing special. A laundry list…</p>

<p>Nice job missing the entire point and not having a sense of humor. :D</p>

<p>the essay is boring.</p>

<p>=D LOL, same with you!</p>

<p>Did someone actually write this one?</p>

<p>yea, he’s currently at NYU</p>

<p>lol thats great.</p>

<p>Yeah, I’ve read it before. It’s Hugh Gallagher’s ‘College Essay,’ no?</p>

<p>Yeah I’ve read it too. Its funny. :)</p>

<p>the amazing thing about it is that it is so random. it is put together so cleverely</p>

<p>cleverly .</p>

<p>boring… i don’t like it.</p>

<p>i dont get it.</p>

<p>I really like that essay. It is very well thought out…it may seem random, but you can tell that the writer worked hard to achieve that effect while retaining flow, an important aspect of this essay. I wish I could be as creative as this…lol I kind of want to embargo reading creative essays like these because then I will either a)imitate them poorly or b)avoid at all costs to imitate them and end up with a poor essay. So, either way, they fail to help me.</p>

<p>Wierd- I’ve seen a completely different version of Hugh Gallaghers essay, longer I think. And are you sure he’s at NYU? I was under the impression that he’s out of college now, and is a writer. I may be wrong about that, but I think I read it somewhere.</p>

<p>haha, to me this parodies CCers</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.annonline.com/interviews/980223/biography.html[/url]”>http://www.annonline.com/interviews/980223/biography.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>haha sweet, thanks over, that’s an awesome success story. That’s a pretty cool thing to be remembered by.</p>

<p>hmm its not DAT good…</p>

<p>It is interesting that everyone has a different opinion on the essay. I have to believe that even ADCOM folks would not agree on reading our essays. Whether an essay speaks to you or not is a completely personal and subjective reaction; either it grabs you or it doesn’t.</p>