The controlling father is abusive too.

Parent Cafe
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<p>I should have known when she asked me if I would ever hit her a year go.</p>

<p>A few weeks ago I posted a thread about how my girlfriend was no longer allowed to attend her college choice because I planned to enroll as well. We got over it. Well, it’s gotten worse.</p>

<p>I haven’t seen her since April(college visit), and I probably won’t see her again until December. We’re in a LDR now…</p>

<p>He choked her and I think he’s done it before. The father’s abusive. I didn’t know he hit her…</p>

<p>I used to wonder why she cried almost everyday and now I know why. She said that’s just the way she was. I wanted to believe that, I guess.</p>

<p>She asked me if I would ever hit her–that was a give away. </p>

<p>What should I do? What can I do?</p>

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<p>tell her to RUN, don’t walk to child protective services. If she is under 18, they will help her.</p>

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<p>She won’t listen. I tried, she said she’ll be subservient for the summer. I think he’ll do it again anyway…</p>

<p>How do I convince her?</p>

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<p>My girlfriend got out of a many-years-long abusive relationship about a year before we got together. She didn’t tell me (or anyone else for that matter) about it for many months.</p>

<p>The best advice for you I’ve been able to pull out of the stories she has told me over the past few months is to fight back in some way. In this case it sounds like going to CPS is best for her. She might not want to admit it or realize it, but her life is at risk.</p>

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<p>1-800-4-A-CHILD</p>

<p>Call is anonymous if you want it to be. You can call and explain the problem and they will be able to help both of you. They offer assistance 24/7 and can offer assistance in 140 languages.</p>

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<p>On trying to convince her to call CPS…will there be any younger siblings living at home once she leaves for college? If so, they may be next to suffer from an abusive parent. Is there a mother in the picture? Can or will she be involved?</p>

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<p>You can call child protective services. You will have to give your name and say how you know. Since you know that he is abusing her, and since she won’t tell, you have a responsibility to let CPS know.</p>

<p>Don’t worry that she’ll be mad at you. More than likely at least subconsciously she told you because she wants you to let the authorities know.</p>

<p>Even if she gets mad at you which is possilble, think about the other options that are even worse. Unless the authorities intevene – which may only happen you inform CPS, her dad could maim or kill her.</p>

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<p>cmbmom: She has three brothers that she watches at home(she’s homeschooled). Her mother is subservient and doesn’t question the father. Ever. She watched her get choked. The father has abused her as well–I know this as a fact.</p>

<p>Northstarmom: Will the fact that I haven’t seen her regularly in over a year and haven’t talked to her parents much in person make my accounts weight less? My girlfriends a really truthful person, but I think she might lie to protect her dad and family.</p>

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<p>I am guessing you don’t go to the same school, but if she goes to any school, then you or someone you know there could try to report it to a teacher there. They are legally bound to report it to the authorities and if you are worried about legitimacy maybe that will do it. However if this isn’t feasible quickly, then I think you should try first and move to that if you find they won’t take it seriously.</p>

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<p>Oh my gosh, that is terrible news. I never imagined the situation was that dark. You MUST report this–and I recommend you report it to several different people–your GCs, your local police, the family’s local priest etc etc. That family needs a ton of guardian angels–and you can help to provide them.</p>

<p>Good luck and cyber hugs to you too.</p>

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<p>I remember your last post, Alchemy. Don’t worry that you didn’t suspect teh abuse earlier. Hind vision is always 20/20. You couldn’t have known. </p>

<p>She may be easier convinced, as CMB said, if you bring up her three little brothers when you talk to her. Even if she avoids abuse this summer (which I doubt), she’ll be leaving three younger boys in a very bad situation. </p>

<p>I suggest you call the number Scott gave you, which is the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. They will be able to advise you much better than we can. I don’t know the details of what happens when you report child abuse to CPS, but they should know. If your girlfriend won’t report it, you should. Your girlfriend, her mother, and her little brothers need someone to take charge and report this if they won’t do it themselves. All of them deserve to be in a better situation.</p>

<p>Good luck. Please let us know what you do.</p>

<p>Cross-posted with Cheers, who gave excellent advice. You can go to any police station or even a courthouse and report abuse. Going through the school may take a little longer, but it’s a good idea if you feel stuck. Encouraging your girlfriend to reach out for emotional support from a priest or favorite teacher may be a good step for her. She would report the abuse herself while getting support, and she may feel more comfortable talking to someone she trusts about it (and having them report it) rather than calling CPS herself.</p>

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<p>Call the police RIGHT NOW!!</p>

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<p>I can call CSP even if I don’t live in the same state as her? She told me over the phone. How much weight does that constitute?</p>

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<p>Alchemy, I don’t know the specific rules or guidelines with reporting child abuse (though I doubt there’s a limitation on being in different states). I do know that they will take you seriously and that there is absolutely no hurt in trying–and a lot to gain. You can call 1-800-4-A-CHILD for more information, or just call CPS directly, and see what happens.</p>

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<p>Don’t worry about where you are or how much weight you carry. Call the hotline number listed and that will start the needed help. They will determine how to handle things, don’t delay. They would rather have you call and find out things are not as bad than have you not call. Get off the computer and do it.</p>

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<p>You ask how much “weight” your version will have – this isn’t a court of law, no “guilty beyond a reasonable doubt” sort of standard. You are calling simply to have someone official and experienced intervene. Once you make the call, they will take it from there.</p>

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<p>Alchemy, you clearly care about her. You MUST call CPS. She told YOU for a reason, she wants HELP.</p>

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<p>"I tried, she said she’ll be subservient for the summer. "</p>

<p>The abuse is not her fault, and isn’t related to whether she’s “subservient.” The abuse is related to her father’s having a problem with control and anger.</p>

<p>She can not keep her dad from being abusive by monitoring her behavior. </p>

<p>Stop trying to get her permission to report that she is being abused. As an abuse victim, she has been told by her father and presumably her mom and any other relatives who know about the abuse that what he’s doing is OK. Consequently, she thinks she deserves the treatment she’s getting. </p>

<p>Surely, you know that she should not be physically abused, and therefore you need to call the authorities. She has been too badly treated to give you permission to do that. The more you delay, the more you are risking her life and the more you’re adding to her problems.</p>

<p>"To report suspected child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
Childhelp cannot make a report of child abuse for you, but they can help you report it by setting up a three-way call with your local enforcement agency. You can also call your local enforcement agency directly to report child abuse. Childhelp has a list of local phone numbers you can call for your county or state in the U.S.</p>

<p>You may be afraid to report child abuse because of possible repercussions to the child or yourself. You probably will be relieved to know that:</p>

<p>The child abuse will be confirmed before the child is removed from the home. The authorities will investigate, and if your suspicions of abuse are correct, the child will then be removed from the home and placed in safe care.
Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
Remember that suspected child abuse is sufficient reason to make a report to authorities. You do not need proof. Your call may save the life of a child."
To report suspected child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
Childhelp cannot make a report of child abuse for you, but they can help you report it by setting up a three-way call with your local enforcement agency. You can also call your local enforcement agency directly to report child abuse. Childhelp has a list of local phone numbers you can call for your county or state in the U.S.</p>

<p>You may be afraid to report child abuse because of possible repercussions to the child or yourself. You probably will be relieved to know that:</p>

<p>The child abuse will be confirmed before the child is removed from the home. The authorities will investigate, and if your suspicions of abuse are correct, the child will then be removed from the home and placed in safe care.
Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
Remember that suspected child abuse is sufficient reason to make a report to authorities. You do not need proof. Your call may save the life of a child.
<a href=“Child Abuse and Neglect - HelpGuide.org”>Child Abuse and Neglect - HelpGuide.org;

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<p>“Northstarmom: Will the fact that I haven’t seen her regularly in over a year and haven’t talked to her parents much in person make my accounts weight less? My girlfriends a really truthful person, but I think she might lie to protect her dad and family.:”</p>

<p>Just call the authorities and give them the information you gave us. Answer truthfully anything else that they ask you. They are the proessionals who will investigate. Your responsibility is to tell them what you’ve told us and anything else that you know that may help them in their investigation.</p>

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<p>While I wouldn’t advise you to call the cops as everyone else would, I will suggest that you look out for yourself as well. You could be the next one being beaten if the girl’s dad puts the pieces of the puzzle together.</p>