The decision after boarding school...

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>from anoother thread in the Prep School Admissions area and at the suggestion of ThatcherParent…</p>

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<p>Here is relevant part of that post…</p>

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<p>First to address a couple of ThatcherParent’s questions:

  1. What point during her boarding school career your daughter started thinking about the military and finally choose the ROTC path, or based on what moment, experience etc.?<br>
    Goaliegirl has always been a kid who enjoys action-type things be it sports, action movies, etc. She is one to want to do something (hands on) rather than contemplate it. We’ve talked potential career from about 10th grade on. We talked about careers anywhere from physical therapy to FBI. I think she asked me one day during the summer between 10th and 11th grade about the military. Not being military myself, I gave her a broad overview of what was involved - Lots of different jobs opportunities, periodic relocation, promotion based upon merit, job security (my history of being laid off a couple of times has had an impact on her life), etc.</p>

<p>2) Are you military?
Nope. Both Grandfathers were drafted for Korea and served their minimum time as enlisted.</p>

<p>3) Is there a reason why you wouldn’t consider naming her boarding school?
When I started here on CC, goaliegirl was in 8th grade and being a female hockey goalie who goes to X school would quickly identify her as most rosters are posted online. Not something most of us want. She is now 18, but along the way, she has asked for me not to identify her at least not while she is in high school. I do discuss her specifics privately with several parents here though.</p>

<p>A couple of other thoughts with regards to her decision to do ROTC and the scholarship… Yes, we live in a region of the country where joining the military is a common thing. She does have a friend who has recently enlisted. However, she really isn’t attached to this region of the country and actually feels more comfortable with the cultures in other parts of the country. That being said, she has always been a patriotic and socially concerned type. </p>

<p>Her awareness of the ROTC program came about through a teammate who was awarded a Navy ROTC scholarship a year ago - a kid very much like her. So it didn’t take much for her to put 2 and 2 together to decide she wanted to go that route. I guess she was also aware of our financial situation (she gets very generous FA even by CC standards), so it made the perfect package. It also helps that ROTC likes varsity athletes and is very flexible with working with their schedule.</p>

<p>That is not to say the ROTC thing is about the money at all. It is about a way to work on all of her goals (pun intended). She is definitely about playing hockey in college AND preparing for the military, as if hockey were not an option, she tells me that she would enlist first do a few years and then return for college, if that tells you anything about her.</p>

<p>So as much as her decision was about the type of person she is, I think the 4 years she has spent at boarding school has allowed her that freedom to explore and discover this and choose that path that is right for her. </p>

<p>And as much as we as boarding school parents think that by sending them to these places are steering their future, we should also embrace the discoveries they make about themselves in their time away. Boarding school isn’t all about preparing them for that highly competitive undergrad admission which will prepare them for that highly competitive graduate school which will prepare them for that lucrative professional career. Boarding school is a place where kids find out who they are and find the challenge in life they want to pursue. It is as much (if not more) about what they learn outside the classroom as inside. It is about the journey, not the destination.</p>

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<p>Goaliedad- </p>

<p>Thank you! I love your story and the part I love most is how your daughter has matured and can decide for herself what her future will look like. Kudos to you that you have been able to let her make those choices! Sometimes it is hard as a parent to let a child choose a path that you might not have chosen for them or even agree with.</p>

<p>I know that kids from public schools and non-boarding schools also mature and make great decisions. But we sent our kid to BS so that he would see all the choices out there in the big world. At our public school all the best kids go directly to the state university (a great one, by the way) and the not so greats go to the smaller state schools. But there are so many other colleges and opportunities out there that we wanted him to see. Just about every time we talk he mentions a different college, exactly what I want for a sophomore!</p>

<p>Anyway, I for one would love to keep hearing about your daughter and her journeys. Thanks.</p>

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<p>Very interesting story, thanks so much for sharing. Congratulations to your daughter, you must be so proud of her, and I am grateful when dedicated people in our country choose public service. May her choices be all she is dreaming of, and may she stay safe.</p>

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<p>I always worry about the ROTC/military path for my child. I think it’s an honorable one to be sure and there are amazing personal and professional benefits. But the two overriding concerns I always have: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Actual combat changes anyone who has ever been in the middle of it, and often not in a good way. It’s not a normal thing to kill someone or to be shot at. I worry so much about the psychological impact. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.</p></li>
<li><p>These kids don’t pick their fights. I am sure there are wars that we’ve waged that we probably shouldn’t have, wars that are not existential like WW2. I cannot get my head around the idea that my child might be damaged physically and psychologically in a war that many of our own leaders wouldn’t let their own kids enlist in.</p></li>
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<p>I really get twisted by this topic. I have so much admiration for the soldiers and the sacrifice they’re willing to make but so much worry that their life may be lost for a war that is more a choice than a necessity. And in that first case, I would be haunted forever.</p>

<p>Trying to tie this back to BS, it’s probably not so common anymore that today’s BS kids end up serving (although my father and three Uncles did, and I did not) but I admire your daughter very much; I truly do. But deep down I am glad that I’m not carrying the anxieties you must have about this life decision.</p>

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<p>Parlabane,</p>

<p>Excellent points about the worries parents face with regards to military experience. My thoughts on the matter…</p>

<p>1) Yes war is about life and death and experiencing it up close and personal can very much be a life changing experience. This is probably the most extreme exposure one may have of this type but other professions, I’m thinking doctors, often deal with the life and death issues on a daily basis as well, although not in such a graphic way I imagine. There are a number of people who discover that being a doctor can be very heartbreaking.</p>

<p>2) I think there has always been an element of the leadership class who would do anything to keep their kids from going off to war, regardless of the conflict. I’d like to think that WW2 was viewed as an existential war, but it probably wasn’t until Pearl Harbor. There was a great desire not to become involved that ran through this country despite the carnage prior to Pearl Harbor. Some today will argue that what we face today is an existential war given the tactics of our opponent. I’m not here to debate this. </p>

<p>What I do know is that every great nation in history has had a strong and disciplined military that serves the government of that nation. As men have not become angels, militaries are ultimately necessary to resolve those issues that diplomacy by itself cannot resolve. A nation that does not honor its military will find that its military does a poor job of protecting them. To the extent that those in power do not lend their full support to the military, they ultimately sabotage their nation’s power. No great nation has failed because of its military, but many have failed because their leaders fail to support their military in both mission and material.</p>

<p>I do worry about the fights we enter not so much that we cannot win, but do not have the will to win.</p>

<p>All wars are ultimately a matter of choice, not necessity. The problem is that the choices that lead to the war are made far in advance of the actual conflict.</p>

<p>And yes, I do worry about the possibilities. What rational parent wouldn’t? I worry more about the possibilities if nobody were so motivated to risk everything for their country. </p>

<p>Our children will ultimately take plenty of risks in their lives, many of which we will be unaware of. Goaliegirl plays one of the more dangerous sports a female can be involved in. It wasn’t “so dangerous” when she was a 6-year-old wrapped up in oversized protective gear bumping into and knocking over other 6-year olds who had a similar inability to control where they were skating. Along the way through experience, she developed the ability to maintain a level of safety to match the increasing level of risk she faced. She has learned how to assess new risks and formulate strategies for managing the risks successfully. I’ve had to trust a lot of strangers along the way to get her to this point. And now she decides on an entirely new type of risk to approach knowing that there will be those there go guide her in learning how to manage those risks. We have to trust that the military does not want to send her into a situation they do not prepare her to manage. On the other hand, I do wonder about our political leadership that does not have that direct bond with their soldiers and how good of a job they do in assessing the risks before deciding on a course of action. This I worry more about than anything else.</p>

<p>Ultimately all of us BS parents are risk takers with regard to sending our kids away to school. It is just that we are more familiar with the people we entrust our kids to and know that (for most BS parents) their kids are only a short drive away. Perhaps being further away has allowed me to develop a greater trust in institutions that I do not interact with regularly and in a daughter who has mastered that experience with aplomb.</p>