Wow on the child care costs in Boston. DD/SIL are fortunate with reasonable housing prices and child care (Birmingham AL) - they have 3 – a 4 month old, one that is 2 1/2, and the oldest is 3 1/2 – it is a very well established church run daycare that includes hot breakfast and hot lunch – they get a multi child discount and pay $30K/year. The children are receiving quality educational experiences – the area Montessori were not with significantly better education. DD and her sister had a wonderful Montessori program, and DD is incorporating Montessori ideas at home.
DD works a few blocks away from the child care, and they had extra parking at the church, so they allow her to keep her car there (it is closer than her hospital parking) - and they have a guard working all the hours the daycare is in session (at the main level which is parking and entry door). Before ‘discounting’ quality of life and living in a state like AL – we have been in N AL since 1983 and Niche 2022 rates my public school district #2 (bedroom city of Madison AL) - #1, 3, 4, and 5 in the state are in the B’ham area. We only used public school for DD2 with 7/8/9 middle school due to the extra opportunities there for her (she was in two extra curricular jazz bands including one with older students - HS and college) which did a performance tour in China (DD was the youngest gal on the trip) - that DD graduated from college May 2018 so it was a while ago. But that middle school was rated #1 out of all the middle schools in the state for 2022 by Niche; the two HSs in our school district are in the top 10 in AL. We had DD2 continue at our Catholic HS for 10-11-12 because the education was a better fit, a modified block that worked much better than the block used in public 10-11-12 (once the 2nd HS was built the HS went to 9 - 12, but the MS had a modified block that worked great for DD2).
The reason we moved to N AL because it is ‘engineering Mecca’ - and the growth of high tech and industrialization is a bit mind boggling. Main N AL city Huntsville is well managed, state is business friendly, lots of government with a 4 Star Command base (Redstone Arsenal) in Huntsville.
If the grands stay in B’ham, I will continue more involvement because their activities will require extra transportation and household help which would be hard to find at Nana rates The next few months may determine SIL’s career move.
My MIL seems to think that my D is taking advantage of me because I babysit GD while D & SIL work. She has made snarky comments about me raising my GD, as well as wondering out loud what I do all day with GD. I have ignored it, but I so would love to tell her that unlike her, I actually enjoy being a grandma … I am not saying she was a bad mom or grandma … just that we enjoy children/grandchildren differently. My kids love her, but she didn’t get on the floor to crawl around with them like I do. I never criticized her grand parenting style … not sure why she needs to be mean to me. But she has been mean to me a lot in the past year (she isn’t mean to anyone else in the family), so I guess it’s just the way it is. I swear, I’m a nice person!
@SOSConcern , the thing that would make the daycare so expensive for my D is that they would need care from 5 am till sometimes 7 or 8pm. It would require several hours of in home care, then that caregiver taking the baby to a full time day care, then picking them up for a few hours. Rinse, repeat.
@kelsmom it may be she is losing some ‘filters’ mentally - and may be that she has some dementia coming on. And some people express opinions when they are not asked!
My mother in law totally lost filters - I think she was jealous that I was doing things she wanted to do. I just never stayed in a room alone with her (especially her kitchen!) It was over the last 4 - 6 years of her life or so (she died in March at age 92).
The day care now has 1/2 hour off in the am and 1/2 hour off in the pm due to Covid cleaning - which cuts more into the time for drop off and pick up. I do think some families share who drops off and who picks up, while DD almost always does it for their family.
I got Son in law’s verbal approval for DH and me to have a lot more time with DD/kids if he had the job change which will require him to be away a lot and also when not, to have long hours. I don’t think he realizes how much he is not going to be able to enjoy all the family time and many other benefits with their current situation. The two jobs will probably have a lot of family disruption for 4 years. I pointed out to him that the children age 4 months, 2 1/2, and 3 1/2 are going to have their lives w/o seeing him much - which is not a positive thing for them.
We will have a lot of time with them over Christmas; he wants to lay out all the information. We shall see. If these options don’t materialize for him, then he can concentrate on getting a better job where they currently live (which should not be too difficult especially if he has a better mind set and new appreciation for where they are now). He says DD is ‘tired’ - yes, except for a few months since Aug 2017 she has either been breast feeding or pregnant while working full time and being the primary bread winner (let alone the one having to teach him various home skills). I told SIL he cannot dump any more on DD - she already is on medication (when anxiety and stress are higher, she needs medication).
DD is so skilled at work. His ideas for their life together has to adapt based on their situation. He sold her some dreams, and reality is smacking them in the face. Thank goodness she has advanced at work and earns what she does.
Tell your MIL that if you could afford it, you’d pay them to let you watch your grandchild as you like it THAT much. Let MIL know that you’d like a grandparent pass to the zoo, children’s museum, children’s theater, swimming lessons, ballet class and anything else you can think of for YOUR holiday present.
My daughter was thrilled to get her Covid vaccine booster last week. Also trilled to pass the gestational diabetes test.
I think I’m going to order the Guava portable crib and bassinet for my house. It comes highly recommended by a friend and it’s on sale.
This would be for my house. The guava is a portable crib that comes with a bassinet feature for when the baby is younger. I figure if we end up wanting a real crib my daughter can use the guava when they travel. My daughter Has a halo bassinet that a friend loaned her for her house.
On top of the exploding Covid numbers, D was notified that hand, foot, and mouth has broken out in GD’s pre-school. Reluctantly keeping her home the rest of the week. I’m just as glad with these ridiculous numbers, and it being right before Christmas. I feel like we’re on a race between getting through the holiday and someone getting Covid, even as we’ve all been extremely careful.
We will be playing some adult board games at night which should be quite fun. We played Sequence over Thanksgiving and look for at least one time with it. Also Rummykub.
It seems SIL is realizing reality. I am going to, in a fun moment, possibly mention any more kids popping out anytime soon may require Nana to be another household member. Need a long pause!
Might not be a fun comment to your SIL though, as hopefully the couple is figuring this out together. I hope my kids space things out with kids and don’t have too many but that would be my preference. I was good with two. I’ll just be glad if I even have one grandchild , now that older son is married. I am not getting any younger!
We married at 25 but didn’t have our first child until 32 . Now that I am much older and wouldn’t mind a grandchild or two, I realize how restrained both sets of parents were in not pressing us about children. Our son was first grandchild on both sides and they were thrilled when they became grandparents in their 60’s. I’m already in my 60’s , so hope to be a grandma before I hit 70! So happy to see all the wonderful grandparent stories here!
My son once mentioned that he and DIL didn’t want to wait too long to have children because I was old. (I was 36 when he was born.) I told him they had to have children when it was right for them, not for me.
Ha! We got pregnant at 23, not yet married. No one had to hint at us, in fact MIL was a bit horrified to become a grandmother at 45. Once D came along, she was enchanted. But definitely not happy about it ahead of time. My mom wasn’t totally thrilled either though she kept it more to herself. The only one who reacted well was my FIL, who was the least family man ever up to that point. But all became exemplary, loving grandparents! (FIL’s second wife, only 11 years older than me–was NOT happy about it. Ever.)
The next few months may determine SIL’s career move.